A Nameless Hope
by Aeris-Eithne
Summary: Six years after the war, Heero uncovers a life-altering secret that radically shifts his understanding of his past, his future, and his complicated relationship with Relena.
1. Prologue: Broken Mirror

**A Nameless Hope**

_Heero and Relena uncover a life-altering secret that radically shifts their understanding of their complex relationship, history and ultimate destiny._

**Prologue:**

**Broken Mirror**

_This ship has taken me far away_

_Far away from the memories_

_Of the people who care if I live or die_

_I will be chasing starlight_

_Until the end of my life_

_I don't know if it's worth it anymore_

_I just wanted to hold you in my arms_

_I'll never let you go_

_If you promise not to fade away_

_Never fade away_

_-Muse, Starlight_

He kept turning his face for something new to look at, but it was no use. The space before him stretched into a long, haunting void. Darkness, emptiness mocked him. _A face without a name. _He panicked. It wasn't true. He had a name – he'd had several over the years – and besides, names were things other people gave you; they didn't define you. He wouldn't let some vague collection of letters pencil him into existence.

His name was Heero Yuy.

Or rather, that's what he was called. When the codename had served its purpose, he considered giving it up, trading it for something new. He felt it was time. The rest of the world would hardly notice; he was known only as a silent, nameless soldier, Gundam Pilot 01, if anyone wanted to get particular. He was ready to abandon Heero Yuy and the rest of his past— the only problem was, _she _continued to call him that. To him, she would always be Heero. It scarcely mattered that the first time she met him he was a nameless orphan that Dr. J was calling "Black Alpha." Even when he reminded her of this, and she exclaimed, "Oh, my God, that was _you_?" she still considered him Heero. He could tell her of other names he'd taken, of his earliest memories with his semi-father Odin Lowe, and it still wouldn't change the fact that, to her, he was only Heero.

And so the dark expanse stretched further. Years had passed, and he still felt lost. At twenty-two, the war was but a distant memory etched into the back of his mind. The new government had stabilized, peace between the earth and colonies was solidifying, and she was at the center of it all. _Relena. _The one name that was deeply etched not only into his mind, but into the core of his being. Eleven years had passed since the first time he heard her name from a distance; seven since she found him passed out on the beach, altering the course of his future. And he had spent the past six years falling in love with her.

Like most things, he approached love furtively. He wanted to be as thorough as possible. Relena, while warm and open, was not an easy person for most to get close to; she built emotional walls atop gates atop cities and states. But for Heero, she made herself completely accessible, even tried to penetrate his emotional fortresses. He was slow and cautious, but started to let her in when they both neared the end of their teen years. Besides, he'd learned keeping her out was useless; her love was strong enough to break down his toughest walls.

But even now, he was still holding back from her. It was hard, because she was all too willing to surrender herself to him, and that was nearly impossible for him to resist. He longed to make her his, but knew he wasn't capable of giving her what she deserved.

And what was that? He wondered. Marriage? Children? She was getting to the age when she wanted those things, her own family, but Heero couldn't imagine himself in the role of a husband, let alone a father. His mind could barely comprehend the meaning of _father. _Odin, the only father figure he'd ever known, had trained him to kill when he was just a small child. Dr. J had been a father figure of sorts, but his training was even more brutal and dehumanizing. Eventually, he sold Heero out in an attempt to save his own skin. With that kind of stellar background, did Heero even have a right to hope that he could be someone's father?

And what about fathering the children of Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, the beloved Sanc Kingdom Princess, the very symbol of peace in the free world? It would be a daunting position for anyone to be in, let alone a useless retired soldier without a name to call his own.

_Heero Yuy … a name without a face. _

The void was back, swirling and contorting into fiendish shapes. Heero searched for light, for anything, hoping to find his own reflection. He was still staring into nothingness when he realized it was his face he beheld— he was the epitome of nothing. King of a dark, empty, nameless kingdom. Not even a king— one of many nameless knights. One of many.

But his name meant _one and only. The _one and only. A hand reached across the darkness. He grasped it, and the hand led to an arm and a shoulder and neck and, finally, a face. _Her _face.

_Relena, _he breathed. She was dearer to him than anything the world could ever offer. He reached for her soft, lovely face, cupping it with his hands, gazing into the cool blue eyes that for him held endless warmth. She smiled, her pink lips parted, and he kissed her. He felt their bodies fuse together, charged by fire and power.

But as soon as he let go, she was falling away from him faster than he could grasp. The angry, swirling void swallowed her up. And he could not go after her, only fall down and howl. He would have put his face in his hands, but found his visage missing once again.

"Relena!" Heero jolted awake. His chest heaved from emotional effort, his heart twisting and aching. She wasn't really gone, was she?

"Heero?" Ice-blue eyes were blinking at him curiously. His blonde-haired companion leaned toward him and placed a delicate hand on his shoulder, frowning. "Were you having a bad dream?"

_A dream … _Now it made sense. Of course Relena wasn't gone; she was right here. Heero's dark blue eyes quickly took in their surroundings, his brain instantly supplying the necessary information. They were on a shuttle, headed to L-1 for the first of many political conferences Relena was scheduled to visit. The date was May 19th, After Colony 202. He was wearing his Preventers uniform, acting as Relena's bodyguard. She was sitting in the window seat. Heero had been staring out the window so that he would not stare at her. The lack of scenery had put him to sleep.

Unlike in his dream, he reminded himself, he and Relena were not together. He knew that she loved him, but he had not revealed his feelings for her. And he had stood idly by as other men confessed their love for her and she politely turned them away, still waiting for her proverbial knight in shining armor. Heero couldn't bear to tell her that there was nothing remotely shining about her chosen knight, that he was a defeated soldier of darkness. That he might never be able to conquer the swirling void that threatened to eat him alive.


	2. Flight of Fantasy

**Chapter One**

**Flight of Fantasy**

_Am I supposed to be happy?_

_All I ever wanted comes with a price_

_You said that you would die for me;_

_You must live for me, too. _

_- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Cat and Mouse_

"Heero?" Relena's hand was still on his shoulder. He raised his eyes to hers, slightly surprised. Then he realized he'd never answered her question.

He cleared his throat. "I, uh… it was nothing, Relena." He tried to look past her, out the window again, but she tilted her head and blocked his view. The motion caused her long, honey-colored her to tumble over her right shoulder. It was unnerving, how much he paid attention to this. Her pink lips were pressed into a frown.

"You can talk to me, you know," she murmured. He tried to look away again, but her blue eyes caught his and them in place. She studied him for another long, silent moment. At last, she sighed. "All right, then. I guess it really was nothing."

He felt bad that Relena was frustrated, but Heero saw no reason to disclose his dream to her. What was he going to say? _Help me, Relena, I have a major inferiority complex? I know you love me, but I'm not going to do a damn thing about it? _He shook his head. These issues were his to wrestle with—no need to drag Relena into his problems.

He prayed she wouldn't ask him any more about his dream, hoping they could spend the last half of their trip in silence. He seemed to get his wish as Relena slipped on a pair of earphones and reclined her seat. She stretched and settled back, her eyes drifting closed to whatever music she had chosen. Knowing her, it was probably something classical.

With her eyes closed, it was safe for Heero to stare at her. His eyes traced the blonde hair that hung in wisps around her face, cascading down her back. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, probably from her frustration with him. Relena's porcelain skin turned red quite easily; Heero used to think she was easily embarrassed, but over the years he came to realize that she blushed when she was angry, too. And she was more often angry than she was embarrassed. Heero suppressed a chuckle. Her moods were a source of fascination for him; for a pacifist diplomat, she sometimes had a pretty short temper. And that was one of the many things he'd grown to love about her.

Relena certainly had her share of admirable qualities. Heero's eyes followed the curves of her petite, slender figure. Her gray business suit fit her perfectly—modest but alluring, much like the school girl uniforms she used to wear. Remembering her as the beautiful, seemingly unattainable teenage girl he'd fallen for, Heero felt something stir deep within him. Sometimes, he didn't know what the hell he was waiting for. She was always right in front of him, ready and willing, but he always held back.

Heero wasn't a total idiot; in the past, he'd tried to tell her how he felt. Even when he was sixteen, still a reluctant soldier, he'd had the guts to grab her and kiss her. And the kissing didn't stop right away. He was fond of learning to be close to someone, and she was fond of teaching him how. After the war's brief resurgence, referred to as the Mariemaia Incident, Heero stuck more closely by Relena than he'd planned. For their past few years of high school, he even acted as a boyfriend of sorts. They spent two years commuting between earth and the colonies to make their relationship work. However, Heero could tell it was a strain on Relena's time – she was trying to finish high school _and_ work as the Vice Foreign Minister – so he broke it off before either of them started college.

Relena had been distraught, which worried Heero. He'd never realized just how dependent she'd become. This only fueled his decision to break up with her even more; he thought it would make her stronger. After all, he reasoned, if people depended on her to keep the world in peace, it wouldn't do for her to depend so much on him. His Gundam was destroyed—he could no longer fight all her battles.

And so, using these excuses, Heero walked away from the only girl he'd ever loved… only to return three years later. Without a girl in his life, he'd been extremely motivated to complete his computer science degree in three years instead of four. He'd told himself he was better off without Relena, that he could accomplish more on his own, but even then he knew the truth: he was rushing through school so he could be with her.

Now, he'd spent the past year as her live-in bodyguard. The job was not without its challenges, but he found himself settling comfortably in her home. And Relena loved his company. She loved having someone in the otherwise empty house (Pagan had long since retired, and Zechs and Noin were never around), loved prattling to him about nothing, sharing a newspaper or book with him, drinking coffee with him in the mornings even though she hated the taste, and, sometimes, just sitting on the sofa with him, doing absolutely nothing. Heero could tell she cherished their closeness, and he did, too, but he was no closer to telling her than he'd been years ago. Technically, they were still broken up; when he'd returned from college, her attachment to him had significantly cooled. She'd been willing to hire him as a bodyguard, but she'd resisted getting to close to him, or acting like she wanted to. After a few months of living together, however, Heero saw her true feelings seep through her actions. The coffee drinking was a big tip-off.

Even now, Relena tried to keep to herself. Heero continued to stare at her as she continued to ignore him. Or pretend to. Suddenly, her eyes flashed open. In spite of his quicker-than-human reflexes, Heero was startled. She glared at him warily.

"Heero," Relena said hotly, "it would be a lot easier for me if you wouldn't stare so much."

"Relena, I…" Heero had no way to defend himself when her accusation was true. In this case, evasion was a good tactic. "What makes you think I was staring?"

"I can tell," she said simply. She peered at him more closely. "I just wish I could tell what you're thinking about…" Her eyes searched his for several seconds, trying to see past the dark curtain he'd drawn between them. Just like earlier, she sighed and gave up. "Sometimes, you're impossible to read," she muttered.

"Huh," Heero grunted. "That's funny. I can always tell what you're thinking."

"What?" Relena looked even more frustrated. "No way. I don't believe you." She stuck out her lower lip, a habit from a pampered childhood. She quickly realized she was pouting and composed herself. "All right, then." She smiled sweetly at Heero, but her eyes sparked with a challenge. "Tell me what I'm thinking about _right_ now."

Heero chuckled under his breath. "I know what it is, but I can't say."

Relena's face scrunched in confusion. "What on earth do you think it is? And why can't you tell me?"

"Because," Heero answered slowly. "It involves you and me… in a compromising position."

Relena's mouth dropped in shock. Now her face was red with embarrassment, not anger. Heero wanted to laugh, but she began to cough and sputter. He placed his hand on her back and rubbed in a circular motion.

"Calm down," he murmured. But she did not find this comforting. Her light eyes were smoldering somewhere between blue fire and ice.

"I was not," she gasped, "thinking about _anything_ like that, Heero."

He smirked. "But you are _now_."

She smacked his arm, and this time, he actually laughed. It was clear, even to him, that he was growing more and more comfortable with her. Still, he knew better than to tease her like this; it would only further complicate their strange relationship. If Heero was too friendly, Relena might even ask him to "take back" breaking up with her. For reasons he could hardly explain, he couldn't let that happen. He still felt like he had to protect her from something. Most likely, that something was himself.

He knew it would be all too easy to make her his. But then what? They would behave even more like a married couple than they already did. And he couldn't marry her; not now. The old argument raged in his head. He had nothing to offer her—not even a name.

At least his teasing had eased the tension between them. Instead of putting on earphones, Relena began to chatter breezily with him. He did his best to dialogue with her but eventually started to feel lost. Staring into her eyes for too long usually did that to him. And once again, his head swirled with doubt. _What am I even doing here with her? _He couldn't fathom why she'd want to pay him even a shred of her attention.

"Heero." Her voice cut through the nagging one in his head.

"Hmm?"

She began to trace her lean, beautiful fingers over his arm. His skin prickled.

"Won't you tell me what you're thinking about?" She titled her head as she looked at him, blue eyes swirling with concern. "Please. Where does your mind keep wandering to?"

He gazed at this beautiful creature, still trying to figure out why she cared so much.

"Relena…" He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, the way he usually did if she was crying and he was trying to comfort her. The softness of her skin tantalized him. He forced himself to focus.

"I'm thinking of a million things," he answered, still touching her face. He gave her a small smile. "And yet, nothing at all."

She smiled back, dazzling him as usual. "We have that in common, you know. Sometimes there's just so much going on, I can hardly tell where my mind's leading me."

He reached his hand up to brush her hair back. "I know where it's leading you—right back to that compromising position…"

She swatted his arm again. "No, Heero, but clearly it's still on _your_ mind."

"So you admit that you thought about it." He smirked. For some reason, he was enjoying this.

Relena was blushing furiously. "What am I going to do with you, Heero? It's a good thing we'll be staying in separate rooms; you're awfully dangerous tonight."

"Huh?" Once again, she had succeeded in catching him off-guard. He hated when she did that.

"What? You weren't under the impression we'd be staying _together_, were you?" She giggled.

Now it was his turn to sputter. "No, I…" He squeezed his eyes shut, his mind spinning with hundreds of images, possible scenarios of the two of them… _Stop! _He hit himself mentally. "I… it's just not something we usually discuss."

Relena beamed. "I know. But you _are_ the one who brought it up." She laughed again, her eyes dancing.

Heero could think of nothing to say in reply; he could only try to control the heat creeping up his neck. He refused to come undone in front of Relena.

"Oh, well, I suppose I don't have to worry about you making a move on me anytime soon," she was saying.

Heero snapped his head up. "What? I…"

"After all," she continued, "we broke up a long time ago… remember?" She flashed him her beautiful smile, then went back to her earphones. Once again, she settled back in her seat, closing her eyes and turning her attention from him. Heero gaped at her.

Apparently, Heero realized, Relena knew a lot more than she let on. She must have known that he never wanted to end their relationship in the first place, that he'd become her bodyguard as a poor guise to be close to her again. Somehow, she could sense his feelings, despite being unable to discern his thoughts.

She knew how he felt about her. And she was using that to torture him.

Heero muttered a low oath. He refused to let Relena get the best of him. No matter what, he was going to end up back in the control seat; after all, he was the one with piloting experience.

Relena, though her eyes were still closed, started singing softly to her music. She acted nonchalant, but Heero knew the words were directed at him.

"You give me this and leave me alone here," she sang with honey-like sweetness. "Do you presume the battle's won?"

_Hardly, _Heero thought wickedly. _We're just getting started… _


	3. Come Closer

**Chapter Two**

**Come Closer**

_Give me an invitation, more than a guess_

_Give me a sign with only one single breath_

_I'll give you an empty page_

_This is the time and place_

_What kind of truth lives in the absence of trust?_

_What is the use of holding back on this much?_

_My eyes are open wide_

_Won't you let me inside?_

_-Marit Larsen, Come Closer_

The hotel suite was like all the other ones Relena usually procured on her travels: it had a large sitting room, kitchenette, spacious bathroom complete with a hot tub and, most importantly, two separate bedrooms. Relena was fond of keeping her bodyguard near her at all times, but was careful of keeping him too near. And Heero always respected her convictions, entering her room only to inspect for danger.

"Which one do you want?" he asked as they stood in the center of the suite.

Relena shrugged one shoulder. "It doesn't matter, really. You pick."

Heero turned to the room nearest him and tossed his travel bag inside, then settled on the couch with his laptop. When staying with Relena, this was his standard operating procedure.

She was cocking her head and looking at him expectantly. He pretended he didn't see her. But out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed her with hands on her hips and a familiar gaze in her eyes. A memory jarred his senses from seven years back, when he and Quatre went to the Sanc Kingdom for the first time. He remembered seeing Relena as soon as he exited his plane; she was standing at the bottom of the stairs, chin in her hand, gazing at him almost… dreamily. That was the same look she was giving him now. He pretended to be annoyed.

"What?" he huffed.

"There's a nice hot tub," she informed him.

Heero clicked open his internet browser. "So?"

"So… I'm going to check it out. Do you want to come?"

His fingers stumbled as he typed; as a result, his browser took him to the wrong website. He growled in frustration. "Look, Relena, I…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to…" Her tone of voice revealed she was pouting. Heero still didn't look.

"It's not that I don't want to," he said, this time typing more slowly. "But I…didn't bring a bathing suit."

Relena giggled. "Neither did I."

That did it. Heero's fingers stumbled again; he gave up trying to type anything that made sense.

"_Now_ who's dangerous?" he muttered.

"Oh, please," Relena said, waving a hand. "_You're _the dangerous one; I was only testing you." She walked away, still giggling.

"That's it…" Heero glowered. This was getting out of control. He was a soldier, yet he had no idea how to win the mind game she was playing. Taking a shot in the dark, he typed _women _into his favorite search engine, but all that came up were links to porn sites. With another growl, he snapped his laptop shut.

He needed some air.

Unfortunately, _fresh air _was an oxymoron for colonists. Heero stepped out onto their suite's balcony and breathed in the precious imported oxygen. He also breathed in smog from the vehicles that littered the streets below him. A deeper inhalation, and he caught the moist, salty scent that revealed the weather system had just made it rain. He hoped for another downpour—he could use the cooling off.

He lost track of how long he stood outside, but Relena's scream followed by a crash sent him running back into the suite. He halted outside the bathroom door.

"Relena?" he called. "Are you all right?"

He heard her moan in response. He waited, but she didn't offer any more than that.

"Did you fall?" he prodded.

"Ohh…uh-huh," was all he heard.

He frowned. For a blue-blood, Relena was hardly the epitome of grace. He was used to taking care of her accidents and usually strained himself to prevent them. This time, he hadn't been as careful. He should have known the tub would be slippery and put towels on the floor before she got in, or something.

"Rel, I'm coming in," he warned her. He put his hand on the doorknob and twisted it open. Just as he expected, it wasn't locked; Relena never locked doors when he was around.

"No, wait!" she shrieked. "I'm not dressed!"

Heero stepped back. "Do you have a towel?"

He heard her sniffle, then choke, "Yes."

"All right, then, put that on."

She groaned. "Don't you think if I could, I would've done that by now? I can't reach it."

Heero felt his face grow hot. This was not good. He quickly calculated a new plan.

"Fine. I'll keep my eyes closed. Just tell me where your towel is and I'll grab it… Okay?"

She sniffled again. "Okay. It's on the rack above the tub…"

Heero entered the bathroom, careful to keep his eyes clamped shut. He walked forward tentatively, having never seen the room's layout.

"Am I close?"

"Just a few feet further… careful not to trip over me," Relena instructed.

He felt his foot graze one of her legs and quickly sidestepped her. He thrust his hands forward and felt the warm terry material beneath his fingers. He grabbed it and held it down to where Relena was lying. He let go when he felt her take hold of it.

"Wow, you're pretty good," she said, straining to sound cheerful. "But then, should I really be surprised by now?"

All he said in response was, "Are you decent yet?"

"Mostly, yes."

Heero opened his eyes.

Relena was lying on her right side, blanketed in the large white towel. Heero knelt beside her but didn't inspect her injuries. Instead, he picked her up, towel and all, and carried her to the bed she'd be sleeping in. Once there, he laid her carefully on her left side. That she was in a great deal of pain was evident. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and she clutched the towel tightly around her.

Once again, Heero was at a loss for what to say. Finally, he asked, "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," she groaned. "I hit my whole right side when I fell."

"I know," he said, taking a seat beside her. "Let me see."

She opened only her right eye and peered at him. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," he urged. "Let me see."

She didn't respond, just closed her eye again, so Heero took that as consent. He lifted the towel where it rested over her right thigh. A large purple bruise was already forming on her reddened skin. He noticed that her shoulder, elbow and ankle were similarly marked.

"You bruise fast," he remarked stupidly.

"You noticed?" she quipped.

He ran a hand through his hair, staring at her exposed legs. He forced himself to look away and spotted a bathrobe hanging on a wall hook. Heero practically launched himself off the bed and yanked the robe off its hook.

"Here—put this on," he said, thrusting it at Relena. "I… I'll go get you some ice." Then he bolted out of the room. He'd faced many perils as a Gundam pilot, but a barely clothed Relena? This was beyond dangerous.

Heero busied himself in the kitchen, filling a plastic bag with ice cubes and boiling water for tea. He retrieved a washcloth from the bathroom to wrap around his homemade ice pack. Then he located a bottle of extra-strength pain reliever in his travel bag. The kettle he'd put on the highest heat whistled, and Heero fixed a cup of Relena's favorite white jasmine tea. At least he'd come prepared.

When he reentered the bedroom, he found Relena in the same position he'd left her in, except she was wearing the bathrobe. He settled next to her and placed the tea and pain relievers on the nightstand.

"Take some of that when you feel up to it," he instructed. He then pulled her robe open, just enough to reveal the growing bruise on her side. He held the cold compress against her thigh, and she shivered.

"Ooh, that's cold."

Heero chuckled, thinking of all the times she'd responded the same way when he tended to her injuries. "You always say that, but it doesn't change anything," he murmured.

Relena laughed. "Well, that sounds a bit cryptic. What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing. It's just that we seem to end up in this position a lot."

"You mean you always feel like you're icing my injuries?"

He was silent. _There she goes with that mind-reading thing again, _he thought.

"Well," she continued playfully, "whose fault is that? Maybe you should stay closer to me."

"Hn," he grunted. "I thought you were strong enough to fend for yourself. How did you manage to survive while I was gone for three years?"

Relena didn't answer right away; she seemed to be mulling over his question thoughtfully. Heero hadn't meant to evoke such a reaction. Once again, he had the urge to bolt, but she looked up at him with sad blue eyes and he felt stuck. She was so perfectly beautiful and, right now, so perfectly helpless…

"It was hard," Relena finally admitted. She stretched her right hand toward his, but he was still pressing the icepack against her. She settled for tracing her fingers over his arm.

Her touch was agony. Heero bit his lip. He knew where this was going.

"I still don't understand why you had to leave," she murmured. He found himself gazing at her pink lips. "You've never given me a sufficient answer."

Her fingers trailed up to his shoulder, which they began to massage. Heero dropped the icepack.

"I already told you," he said flatly, leaning over to pick up the compress.

"You don't love me anymore," she finished for him.

Heero winced. That was one of the excuses he had given her, back then. She hadn't bought his wanting her to become more independent as a valid justification. He'd had no choice but to tell her the biggest lie he could craft; only then had she let him go.

But it was clear his words had hurt her more than he'd ever intended. Her eyes seemed to grow darker and even more sorrowful. She let her hand fall from his shoulder.

"So," she whispered, "is it true?"

He kept his head down, not wanting to meet her eyes and be forced to answer.

"Heero," she baited him. "Do you still… are you sure you don't love me?"

He'd dreaded this conversation. It had been a year in the making, but he'd avoided it at all costs. Now his mouth was dry and she was waiting.


	4. Poison Passion

**Chapter Three**

**Poison Passion**

_Love, it's a brittle madness_

_Sing about it in all my sadness_

_It's not falsified to say that I found God_

_Inevitably, well it still exists_

_So pale and fine I can't dismiss_

_And I won't resist_

_And if I die, well at least I tried_

_And we just lay awake in lust _

_And rust in the rain_

_And pour over everything we say we trust_

_It happened again, I listened in _

_Through hallways and thin doors_

_Where the rivers unwind _

_And the rust and the rain endure_

_The rust and the rain endure_

_-Jason Mraz, On Love, In Sadness_

"_Are you sure you don't love me?"_

For most of his life, Heero could rely on his brain to dictate his body's responses. But there were times when his body was a step ahead of his brain, as if emotions were all that wired him. When this would happen, Heero's body would make quick decisions before his head could calculate the correct response. This often warranted less-than-desirable results—like the time he self-detonated. Waking up a month later, it dawned on him that there could have been another option, but that single-minded determinism of his, that unwavering dedication to the mission, propelled his body into auto-pilot before his head had chance to reason.

And this is why, instead of articulating an answer to Relena's question, his body launched him forward. His mind was screaming at him as he leaned over her and, stupidly, covered her lips with his. And he knew, as she kissed him back, that he was done for. Whatever mind games they'd been playing, he had totally, utterly failed. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his seized her waist, and for him that meant surrender.

He knew that he was irrevocably in love with her.

Reason was dawning on him, but as their kisses deepened reason flew out of his head and was replaced by panic. What had happened to staying away from her for her own good? To keep her safe? To love her from a distance? _Some plan._

He broke away, breathing hard. She was smiling triumphantly.

"I knew it," she beamed. "You're still in love with me." She tapped his chest with her index finger.

His mind raced to catch up to his body. "Relena, I never said…"

She shook her head to halt his words. "You didn't have to. I could tell."

_Because you're psychic? _He wondered. But he just murmured, "How?"

She leaned toward him with a knowing smiling. "I can't quite explain it," she said, "but I can just _feel_ your love, as silly as that sounds."

_Damn, _he thought. Things were not going according to plan. How was he supposed to love her from a distance if she could _tell_? He needed to refute her, and fast.

"Relena, I never told you how I felt to start with." That much was true.

"I told you, you didn't _have_ to, I could just—"

He closed his eyes, as if that would make things any easier. "I've never felt that way about you, Relena." He opened his eyes to find her rolling hers.

"I don't believe you," she said simply. "You're just saying that in some twisted attempt to protect me."

His eyes widened. How had she done that?

"You're afraid of hurting me," Relena continued, "so you've kept your distance. However, you failed to take into account that by _caring_ so much about protecting me, you've only showed me how much you actually love me." She smiled up at him confidently.

Heero's head was spinning. Apparently, not only was Relena psychic—she was also a psychologist with a PhD in _Heero Yuy_.

"Relena, look, I…"

But she was far smarter than him. She didn't let him finish, just leaned back into him and began kissing him with more passion than he knew she was capable of. He had no idea her feelings for him were so intense, so… risqué. She was not the prim and proper Relena he had courted as a teen.

He'd nearly forgotten how soft her lips were. They were pressed firmly against his, but parted easily when he pushed his tongue through. And her tongue was all too eager to dance with his. She swirled it in soft circles inside his mouth, and he was weakening.

Before he could reconcile what he was doing, he was pressing her back against the pillows. She began unbuttoning his shirt, and he expedited the process by shrugging out of it. He didn't even notice when it hit the floor. She was all he could focus on—the sugary taste of her lips, the intoxicating scent of her hair, the tantalizing way her fingers ran over his bare chest, arms and shoulders. Everything felt inexplicably wonderful, and yet he ached. He wanted, _needed_ to take things further. His hands acted of their own accord, rushing to untie the belt of her robe.

But somewhere in the back of his mind, his conscience fought for his attention. _What about marriage? And family? Doesn't she value those things?_

He jerked himself back. "Relena, wait," he gasped. "We can't do this."

She blinked up at him. "Why not?"

He raked his fingers through his long bangs, unsure of _why_ himself. "Because you deserve more than this," he said slowly. "But I have nothing to give you."

Relena sighed. "Heero, that's ridiculous. You have everything I could ever want."

Was she so determined to keep him? Heero could hardly believe it. It would be so easy to take her, unbelievably easy, but he couldn't let himself falter. He took a deep breath. "But I don't… Relena, I don't love you."

She placed a finger over his lips. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth," he said, turning his face away. "I _can't_ love you."

She just smiled and placed both of her hands on his chest, directly over his heart. "I think you can, and already do," she murmured, trailing her fingers down to his abdomen.

He took in a more shallow breath, trying to steady the rushing in his head. Lying to her was harder than he'd ever imagined, but it was necessary to keep her safe. His single-minded determinism put the greater mission back into perspective. He could try again. He concentrated on stilling his pounding heart and leveled Relena with a firm gaze. He chose his next words carefully.

"But I left, Relena. I left because I didn't feel that way about you. I've always known your feelings for me, and I stayed with you to see if I could learn to love the way you did. But it's not something that comes naturally to me. It's not something I understand."

He watched her face as his words registered. Her eyes were as wide as the day he tore up her birthday invitation and whispered, "I'll kill you." But now she just shook her head. Apparently, she was just as single-minded as he was, determined to believe in his love no matter what.

"I tried," he continued, "but I couldn't stay. I had to leave before we got in so deep, you'd end up getting even more hurt. I didn't want to hurt _or_ humiliate you." He squeezed his eyes shut and delivered a tried-and-true cop-out: "It was for your own good."

"But you came back," she whispered.

He opened his eyes and saw hers filling with tears, at last. It had taken this much to break her. He felt terrible, but was compelled to keep going.

"I came back," he continued, "to keep you safe. I heard how sub-par your security team was, and I didn't like the idea of leaving you with such incompetence."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "But doesn't that make you wonder, Heero?" She sat up and leaned toward him eagerly. "Don't you think it means you care about more than just keeping me safe?"

Heero felt a lump forming in his throat but ignored it. "No. I spent years trying to assess my feelings. All I've come up with is that you're important to me, but it's also because you're important to the world. You've been my responsibility for so long, I _can't_ let anything happen to you. Your safety is all that matters."

"But…" He could tell she was running out of ways to counter him. "But what about everything else we've shared? We've become so close…"

He held up a hand to stop her from saying more. "I said you're important to me, Relena. But I've tried, and I can't love you."

Relena dropped her head, probably to keep him from seeing her tears. Reluctantly, he rose to leave, but she clung to his arm.

"Please," she whispered. "Don't leave. Please, just stay with me." A tear ran down her cheek as she lifted her eyes to his. "I need you to stay."

He sat back down and thumbed at the stray tear. He shouldn't have, but it was a reflex. "If I stay, I'll only cause you more pain," he murmured.

"No, you won't," she said, smiling sadly. "Because I still don't believe you."

He grimaced, his heart twisting in agony. What more could he say to her?

"I know that deep inside, you have love for me," she went on. "Maybe it's hidden somewhere, but I know it's there. And I know I can bring it out."

"Relena…"

"Please, Heero. Can't you just let me try?"

_And what does trying involve?_ He wondered. He didn't have a chance to reflect; she was kissing him again. And every time their lips touched, his mind went numb and he was rendered helpless. How could he stand firm if she did _this_ whenever they disagreed on anything? If she kept this up, he knew she could win every argument they'd ever have.

But he had one more chance to keep things from going too far. There was one more lie he had yet to tell. And if this lie was a weapon, it would be a twin buster rifle.

"Relena." He said her name gruffly and pushed her away. She looked shocked but didn't interrupt him. "You can't expect a physical relationship to become anything more than that," he said. "In the past, I was able to be physical with you, but I didn't love you. And we can't have a physical relationship now without destroying our professional one, not to mention our friendship."

She seemed to spend a moment contemplating this; then she smiled warmly. She reached for him again. "But if we make love…"

"There's a difference between love and sex, Relena," he spat. He saw her recoil, but kept going. He knew how to end this, let everything die once and for all. "I would know," he stated flatly. "I've had sex before. And I barely remember anything about _any_ of those women. They meant nothing to me, but you do. I value you too much to reduce you to an easy lay."

"_What?" _she whispered, incredulous. Her face turned bright red. They sat in silence for a full moment, and Heero was certain Relena was going to slap him. Her face was a frightening mixture of hurt, anger and disbelief.

But the lie was twisting its way into truth. Relena's hand flew to her mouth as the shock of his confession finally registered with her. It was clear that she finally believed he didn't love her.

He'd done it. It was really over. Heero felt his mouth fill with a bitter taste, and he fought to keep moisture from leaking out of his eyes.

Relena sat there dejectedly, shoulders slumped and shaking. Instinct led Heero to reach an arm out to her, but as soon as he did he began to back away. Before he could, Relena crumpled against his chest. She was crying. She didn't make a sound as she sobbed, but he could feel the wetness of her tears on his skin, her chest heaving against his.

Heero felt wretched. In a manner of minutes, he had gone from being the center of her world to the scum of it.

Perhaps, this time, he'd gone too far. What could he do now? He'd caused irreparable damage. But wasn't that what he'd wanted? How else could he keep her safe from him but to push her away?

"I'm sorry," he whispered, but knew it was no use. He stroked her hair; some of it had fallen in front of her face and was becoming soaked in her tears. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he offered lamely. "I've never wanted to hurt you."

She said nothing, just took in a shattered breath. Heero realized this was far worse than when he'd broken up with her. He swallowed, the guilt of his fallacies hitting him with full force. He'd never felt so wretched in his life. He was a man who'd slain hundreds, possibly thousands in battle. But his words hurt Relena more than if he'd pulled the trigger on her so many years ago. He'd done worse than destroying her body as an enemy—he'd killed her heart. His head throbbed as realization slammed into him. In effect, he'd murdered the only one he loved.

A/N: Sorry for all the heart-wrenching angst, but this is where Heero's conflicted thoughts led me. And if anyone can mess up a make-out session, it's mission-minded Heero Yuy! This story is coming out faster than usual for me, but please don't get used to daily updates. I need to take a break from this one and check in with _Pure Intentions_, as well as draft more pages of my novel. Spring break is next week, so I_ will_ update again soon. I hope you enjoyed this installment! I still have some major plans for our beloved couple.

Peace!

-AE


	5. Shot in the Dark

**DISCLAIMER: **This chapter contains LANGUAGE. As in, the ADULT kind. _Oooh._ You have been warned! – AE

**Chapter Four**

**Shot in the Dark**

_I think it's time we give it up_

_And figure out what's stopping us_

_From breathing easy and talking straight_

_The little cracks, they escalated_

_Before we knew it was too late_

_For making circles and telling lies_

_You're moving too fast for me and_

_I can't keep up with you_

_Maybe if you slow down for me, I_

_Could see you're only telling lies, lies, lies_

_Breaking us down with your lies, lies, lies_

_When will you learn?_

_-The Swell Season, _Lies

The freezing faucet water was a welcome respite from Relena's hot, salty tears. Heero splashed his face repeatedly, hoping to jar himself awake from what he hoped was just another bad dream. But judging from the sounds of Relena's sobs from the next room over, what had just transpired between them was very real. He hadn't expected this deluge of tears; if anything, he'd have welcomed a good strike on the jaw. Relena certainly had the strength to land a straight punch – he'd taught her as much – but in that moment, she'd been reduced to a whimpering damsel in distress. Him and his toxic words.

Heero stared at his face in the bathroom mirror, bewildered by his own expression. Once he'd made a hasty exit from Relena's room, his composure had crumbled. Now his reflection showed the face of a man in anguish; he looked as though he'd just learned his best friend had been shot. In essence, that was exactly what had just occurred.

Rage filled him then, and the face in the mirror quickly morphed back into its usual grimace. He gave the mirror a solid punch, just for good measure. Picking glass out of his bloody fist, he gave a low growl.

No wonder he was still a virgin.

He knew Relena was, too, therefore he also knew his choice of words would wound her.

Embedded in the lies he told her were grains of truth. After breaking up with Relena, approximately three years ago, and experiencing the college scene, Heero had tried, _tried_, to think of other girls. Plenty of his school's co-eds were attractive, downright gorgeous, even, and while Heero couldn't bring himself to "date" any of them, he had, for lack of a better term, "hooked up" with a few. But when it came time to do the deed, Heero found that the, well, proper synapses simply stopped firing. So to speak. Maybe it was his "inferiority" complex. Perhaps it was the aftermath of war, post-traumatic stress. Or he could chalk it up to his cluelessness about the opposite sex. But when Heero searched his soul, he knew what was really to blame. His attachment to Relena, whatever it was, kept him from forming other relationships, and eventually drove him back to her side.

Whatever his intentions had been when he rejoined her – to keep an eye on her, keep her safe, try _not_ to fall deeply in love with her – he'd certainly botched his original mission.

The only solution, at the moment, was to get rip-roaring drunk. Heero, unlike most of his fellow ex-soldiers, was not a big drinker—he liked to keep his mind as sharp as possible, in case an enemy was lurking somewhere in the shadows. And since being Relena's protector was a full-time job, Heero wouldn't risk letting his guard down.

But tonight, the liquor cabinet was calling. Knowing his personal "happy hour" would go on the Peacecraft tab didn't stop him, either; at this point, he'd forfeit a year's salary for a drop of whiskey. Heero downed a few shots before slumping onto the couch.

In times like these, a couch was a man's refuge. There was no comfort in the luxurious hotel bed he'd claimed as his; obviously, there was no chance of getting back into _her _bed, either. No matter how he spun it, he knew there would be no redemption for him tonight. Resigned to his fate, Heero exiled himself to the sofa.

He knew he'd been foolish. And he knew what any other man in his position would've done. As if the universe was taunting him over that fact, his cell phone lit up. He glanced at the caller I.D.—Duo. Heero groaned.

He knew that he shouldn't answer, but just in case it was something important…

"Heero, what the hell?" Duo shouted through the phone.

"Like you should be asking me," Heero muttered. "It's three in the morning. What the hell do _you_ want?"

"I just got off the phone with Relena, wise-guy," Duo spat. "She's all broken up over you, and I want to know what the hell you were thinking!"

"None of your business," Heero snapped.

"Unbelievable," Duo sputtered. "You're even dumber than I thought."

However true, the words made Heero seethe with anger.

"Why the fuck would she call _you_?" he sneered. It was unlike Heero to lose his cool so quickly. Maybe it was the booze talking.

"She called me because you're a selfish, pathetic, stupid piece of dumbfuck!" Duo belched. Somebody else was a little drunk, too.

Duo's insults, however idiotic, still landed. Heero knew that Duo and Relena were friends, but he never would have pinned_ him_ as the one Relena would call up crying in the middle of the night.

"You don't even know what's going on," Heero growled. "You have no idea."

"Yes I do!" Duo shouted with the might of preschooler during recess. "She told me _allll _about it, buddy boy. And you're screwed. No. You're _fucked_." Duo seemed particularly fond of this expletive when intoxicated.

Heero sat in silence, lacking an adequate defense. His head was beginning to pound; Duo's screaming over the phone would do that. So would the booze.

"So, now what?"

"Huh?"

Heero hadn't been expecting the question.

"Now what?" Duo repeated, as if he hadn't been heard. "What are you going to _do_? Dummy," he seemed to add for good measure.

Heero felt a chill, despite the alcohol working its way through his system. He realized too late that he'd left his shirt on the floor in Relena's room.

"Hell if I know," he muttered.

Duo heaved an exasperated sigh. "Do I have to spell it out for you, man? You go in there, and you f—"

"Duo," Heero warned.

"—find a way to apologize," Duo finished. "What'd you think I was going to say?"

Heero rolled his eyes, though Duo couldn't see. "It's not that simple. I can't just go talk to her. She wants nothing to do with me."

"Well, she might, if you man up and apologize. Quit acting like a baby and admit your feelings!" Duo had a tendency to say the same thing twice albeit slightly differently each time, emphasizing his point whether it was necessary or not.

Heero just shook his head, another useless gesture. "It's too late for all that…"

"So you admit it, then."

Heero stopped short. "What?"

"You admit you have feelings for Re-lee-na!" Duo was back to his singsong-y preschool voice.

"I never said what _kind_ of feelings," Heero said quickly, failing to think of a better retort.

"Come on, Heero, just between us guys…"

"You sound like a girl."

"Aw, come on, man! I'm serious here." Duo paused, waiting for Heero to answer. After a beat, he plowed ahead. "Fine. Will you just tell me one thing?"

"What?" Heero grunted, growing more and more irritated as the seconds ticked by.

"What are they like?"

"What are _who_ like?"

"Not who! _Them._ You know—the twins. The _girls_. I mean, Relena's a pretty skinny girl and all, but she's got some _major_ knock—"

Heero tossed his phone over the couch before Duo could finish. He'd heard more than enough for one night.

So. Relena hadn't been sobbing all by her lonesome; she'd called up Duo and given him an earful. Even though Heero wasn't sure why, it was a bit of a game-changer. Emboldened by both his annoyance with Duo and the bottle of whiskey he'd polished off, Heero found himself banging on Relena's door.


	6. Ask the Lonely

**Chapter Five**

**Ask the Lonely**

_Let it die, get out of my mind_

_We don't see eye to eye_

_Or hear ear to ear_

_Don't you wish we could forget that kiss_

_And see this for what it is_

_That we're not in love_

_The saddest part of a broken heart_

_Isn't the ending so much as the start_

_The tragedy starts from the very first spark_

_Losing your mind for the sake of your heart_

_- Feist, _Let It Die

Heero's frustration was growing along with his incessant pounding, becoming more desperate by the second. Now, of course, Relena's door was locked. That, he fully expected, given how angry she was with him— angry enough to call Duo and tell him the whole sordid story.

While Heero knew he had behaved rottenly, he felt strongly that what had happened should have been kept between Relena and him; Duo was the _last_ person Relena should have told.

Fueled by mistrust and jealousy, he pounded relentlessly, not caring whether or not Relena had fallen asleep.

"Relena!" he barked. "Open the door!"

After a few moments, he noticed his fist was still bleeding; he'd never bothered to patch it up after smashing the bathroom mirror. Tired of banging, and just a little bit sore, Heero decided to just force his way in—where was his buster rifle when he needed it? _Never mind._ Backing up a few feet, he lunged forward and thrust his shoulder into the door, bursting it open with a satisfying _slam_.

"Rel—" he began before realizing he was addressing an empty room.

It was dark, but Heero's eyes were already well-adjusted and deftly scanning the area: the bed was rumpled with Relena's bathrobe wadded up in a heap; her suitcase had been opened, and clothes and shoes were strewn across the floor; the window was slightly ajar. Now Heero felt panicked. Sometime between his stupid argument with Duo and all the futile pounding on the door, had something… happened to Relena?

But Heero wouldn't allow himself to panic; he was, first and foremost, a solider. And so he did the pragmatic, clear-thinking thing, and went back to the common area to retrieve his cell phone. He nonchalantly tried Relena's cell. Half a second later, he heard it ringing inside her briefcase. _Damn. _Calling her work phone yielded the same result. Where had Relena gone, and why on earth had she left both of her cell phones behind?

This couldn't be good, Heero thought. He checked around for any signs of struggle. But if someone had broken into their hotel room, wouldn't Heero have heard it? Had he been so caught up in his own crap, too busy yelling at Duo, to even notice? No—that was impossible. That kind of thing just wouldn't – couldn't – happen on his watch.

So what was it, then? He observed the open window once again. The only explanation was that Relena, for whatever reason, had made a hasty exit. Heero felt his blood run cold. Just a short while earlier, Relena had been sobbing wretchedly in his arms; he'd never seen her cry so hard. Relena, above all, was a woman of strength and poise—she rarely broke down. Not only did Heero feel guilty for causing her pain, but for a brief second, he worried that he'd caused her to consider self-harm. It seemed stupid to him, and not like Relena at all, but she was incredibly distraught. What if…?

Heero rushed to the window and looked down, only to see a fire escape. _Ah. _He never should have thought Relena would do anything so foolish. Even for "love." He couldn't for a second think someone like him was worth jumping over, anyway.

Knowing Relena hadn't leapt to her death was a start, but didn't give Heero any clue as to where she _had _gone. He located his shirt on the floor near the bed and slipped it back on. Then he made sure to grab his room key and lock everything up before he left, including the window. He hoped Relena, though she'd left her phones behind, had at least remembered her key; Heero, ex-soldier and current security guard that he was, just couldn't bear to leave the window opened as he left. He just hoped Relena wouldn't return to the room before he did and find herself locked out.

That only made him all the more determined to find her, and quickly.

Heero descended the fire escape in a few deft movements, jumping from the highest level to the lowest without bothering with the stairs. He scanned the hotel's back alley from right to left, debating which direction to head in first. Either side of the street held a realm of possibilities; the city they were in was the colony's largest, about the size of New York's Manhattan. Crammed into a fairly small about of space were millions of people, and thousands of restaurants, bars and clubs. Heero could only guess that Relena, in a fit of rebelliousness, had headed to one of these open establishments, perhaps to drink her sorrows. Other than that, he was drawing a total blank; where else could Relena have been headed?

Coming to that conclusion would do little to help Heero find Relena. It was only a possibility, and even if it turned out to be true, where would he start? Heero let out a frustrated grunt.

"I'm a twenty-two year old woman who's pissed with a stupid guy," he muttered to himself. "I'm in the middle of a big, strange city. Where would I go?"

Observing that it would be tricky to hail a cab in this alleyway, Heero decided that Relena must have started out on foot. Heading left would take him further uptown to the theater district, where the night's performances were certainly over and restaurants would have probably had last call a few hours ago. Venturing downtown, to the right, would take Heero to some of the seedier nightclubs and dives. He really didn't like the thought of Relena going there, but it was just the type of thing she might do to tick him off… if that was, in fact, her goal. Grinding his teeth together, Heero took a right.

He passed a few places he wrote off altogether— French and Italian bistros that were far too upscale. Relena might frequent those for lunch or early evening cocktails on a normal day, but tonight's circumstances were far from normal.

As he neared downtown, Heero noticed several strip clubs and decided to write those off as well. No matter how "dangerous" Relena might be feeling, he knew she wouldn't be caught dead in there; she was too much of a feminist to step foot inside.

But there were quite a few dives and clubs that had the potential to attract a single girl looking to escape her problems, if only for a little while. With a heavy sigh, Heero knew the only way to find Relena was to comb every last one. That would take hours, and by then, Relena could… he'd hate to think of just what she could have already gotten herself into. Next time, he'd have to lock her in her room and save himself the trouble.

The first dive was dark and smoky; although indoor smoking was strictly banned, no one here seemed to notice. A band was playing an old Journey song and a few patrons were drunkenly dancing. Heero's eyes took in a quick inventory of the dance floor, bar and all the tables. No Relena. Of course, she could be in the restroom… Panic gripped him. He hadn't considered that before; would he have to search every restroom in the city? For this, he'd need more booze.

"_When you're feeling love's unfair, you just ask the lonely_," the band belted. "_When you're lost in deep despair, you just ask the lonely_…"

Heero ordered a shot, downed it, and pushed open the ladies' room door without bothering to knock.

A rail-thin brunette dressed head-to-toe in pink spandex stood in front of the mirror, applying lipstick. She turned to glare at Heero.

"Sorry," he said, backing up. Time to make a quick exit.

She poked her head out the door at his retreating figure.

"Hey, hot stuff," she called after him. "Where ya goin'?"

"_Ask the lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lowww_," the lead singer crooned in his best Steve Perry imitation.

This place was in some kind of weird time warp, and Heero couldn't wait to get out.

"_As you search the embers, think of what you had, remember_..."

Now the music was just taunting him. Heero pushed open the bar's door, eager to get back into the relatively fresh air, even if it smelled and tasted a little stale compared to the Earth's oxygen. He could smell rain again, and knew that the artificial "heavens" above him were about to open up once more. Regardless, Heero pushed forward. He'd search every damned place he came across until Relena was found.

By five a.m., Heero had traversed nearly five miles on foot, or about 90 city blocks, ducking in and out of every place that was opened on each one. His clothes were soaked from the rain; in his white dress shirt and slacks, along with the bloody fist he'd ignored for hours, he was quite a sight. Luckily, no one had stopped to question him; if they had, there would have certainly been a fight.

But the sky was lightening, the bars around him were nudging weary revelers outside and hanging "closed" signs in the windows, and diners and coffee shops were preparing for the breakfast crowd.

Heero wasn't ready to admit defeat, but a cup of java would keep his bleary eyes open and lend him some much-needed focus. He trudged over to the first café he found displaying an "open" sign. He was obviously the first customer.

A petite woman with Eurasian features was just setting all the industrial-sized coffee makers to "brew" when he walked in.

"It's going to be a few minutes," she said over her shoulder, not bothering to turn around.

"That's fine," Heero said, waiting by the counter. "I'll have a large dark roast, black, when it's ready."

"Ok, that'll be three…" the woman stop short upon turning around. She muttered a soft oath, and Heero immediately picked up on her Japanese.

"_Shinsetsu,"_ she breathed.

"_Sumimasen?"_ Heero asked in response. How easily he'd slipped back into Japanese, his primary language back when he lived on L1. "Come again?"

The woman blinked her almond-shaped eyes at Heero. She appeared to be in her early to mid-forties but had a fairly youthful face. Something about her seemed vaguely familiar, but Heero couldn't place it. But, then, he had lived near here before, and over the years the former soldier had dealt with thousands of people. He'd also been pretty good at remembering faces.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, looking bewildered. She turned her attention to the coffee, now fully brewed, holding a large cup under the spout and filling it with the hot, dark liquid. Her hand shook visibly as she handed the cup to Heero.

He was perplexed as to what he said or did that could have possibly frightened the woman. Had he spoken too gruffly to her? He had a tendency to do that at times, though he often didn't mean to…

She interrupted his thoughts when she rang in the till. Heero forked over a few bills and tossed his change in her tip jar, then turned his heel to leave.

"You gave me quite a fright," the woman laughed nervously.

"I'm… sorry?" Heero turned back around. "Uh, _gomen_…"

"Oh, it's not your fault," she said, waving her hand. "It's just me being nostalgic and silly. You see, you look… well, you look exactly like my husband did." She laughed shakily again. "For a moment, I could have sworn you were my long-lost son."

Her words gripped Heero.

Heero, whose real name and origins were a mystery to him, who remembered nothing prior to his grueling training as a child, who immediately used that training to deduce that this could be some kind of trap, but who had also learned to always act upon his emotions, found himself stepping forward.

"Your… long-lost… son?"


	7. Hide and Seek

**Chapter Six:**

**Hide and Seek**

_Where are we?_

_What the hell is going on?_

_The dust has only just begun_

_To form crop circles in the carpet_

_Sinking feeling_

_Spin me round again_

_And rub my eyes_

_This can't be happening_

_When busy streets a mess with people_

_Would stop to hold their heads heavy_

_Oily marks appear on walls_

_Where pleasure moments _

_Hung before_

_The takeover_

_The sweeping insensitivity_

_Of this still life_

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth_

_Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs_

_- Imogen Heap, _Hide and Seek

Heero stepped forward cautiously, still not quite believing what he'd heard. If there was a chance, even a slight one, that this woman spoke the truth, he had to find out. All this time, he'd been searching his soul for answers; now, one of those could be right in front of him. He urged the woman, silently, to go on. Thankfully, she needed no further prompting.

"My husband died 20 years ago, when the Alliance first attacked this colony," she spoke with a faraway look in her eyes. "He was part of a rebel force that tried to fight the occupation…"

Heero nodded in understanding. Hundreds of such factions had sprouted up all over the colony, each doing their best to counteract the Alliance's tyranny, which had imposed martial law on the colonies under the guise of "keeping the peace." It was one of these "terrorist" factions that had taken Heero and trained him, as a young child, to become a killing machine.

He shuddered as scattered memories flooded him. He shook his head to dispel them, but he could never quite make them go away.

"Our home was raided," the petite woman continued.

Heero noticed now how frail, how tired she looked. She had lovely hazel eyes, but they were clouded with sorrow. Her face was etched with deep creases, but suggested a strong, willful spirit. She had probably been quite beautiful, once.

"Shin was killed in front of me." Even now, two decades later, her eyes brimmed with tears. "And our two-year-old son was taken."

Heero swore under his breath. Of course, he'd heard countless stories like this before; they were all too common during the war. This woman's tale was nothing new, but it resonated with Heero nevertheless. Perhaps because they were both at least part Japanese. Perhaps because Heero knew that he was from around here, somewhere. And perhaps because part of him wanted to believe that he could be connected to her, somehow.

The woman had stopped speaking, and was studying Heero's face. He cleared his throat.

"What do you think happened… to your son?"

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"I don't know," she whispered. "And not knowing… is what terrifies me. But I've never gotten an answer. I searched for him for years; I asked God to tell me _why_. It would give me some comfort if I knew, if I had an answer." She spread her hands helplessly. "But I still don't know. So every day, I worry. I still… I still believe that he's alive." She placed a hand on her chest. "Because I can feel him. I saw my husband die—I _know_ he's gone, and won't ever come back. I felt my heart die along with him. But, Shiro…"

"Shiro?" Heero interjected.

"Shiro," she whispered. "My son. I can still feel him, so I know he's still out there. Somewhere." She peered curiously at Heero. "And you look so much like him, what I thought he might look like when he grew up… Shin and I are both of Japanese descent, and he had blue eyes. It was very unusual, but he passed that trait onto Shiro…"

Heero's eyes widened. The woman shocked him by breaking into a laugh.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I must sound like a crazy person. It's just… you just appeared here, right in front of me, and I'm still so startled. It's probably just a coincidence, but I've never seen anyone who resembles my family so much." She paused to study Heero's face once more. "What is your name, if you don't mind my asking? Are you from around here?"

Heero opened his mouth to answer, but paused when a few customers wandered in. He waited while the woman, whose name he still didn't know, fulfilled their orders. He dared not speak again until the patrons had gotten their coffee and trickled out. It was as if Heero was guarding some precious secret; he was right back in his soldier days, cautious to keep from being overheard.

"I should ask you the same question," Heero spoke once they were alone. "What's _your_ name?"

He still had to be careful using his code name in the colonies. People knew it, knew what it stood for, and knew exactly who he was, both as a former Gundam pilot and Relena's guardian. Since Heero tended to keep a low profile, however, not everyone recognized his face; unlike Relena, who was both a politician and a celebrity because of her royal title, Heero took great pains to stay out of the public eye. His image wasn't plastered all over television screens and billboards, though the occasional photo of him traipsing behind Relena at some event would land in the odd gossip rag.

The woman bowed her head in a formal greeting.

"My name is Misaki Setsuna," she said, giving her name in the English order of first name, last name.

"_Yorokonde," _Heero responded. _It's a pleasure._ He realized that Misaki-san was still waiting for his name.

"I…" he began. He felt pressure mounting. What if, somehow, this was a trap? He was exhausted and delirious, but still cautious of giving himself away.

"I'll tell you," he continued. "But first, if you really think I could be your son… I'll need to see some proof."

Misaki appeared taken aback by this. "You mean… you think that you could be…" She let the question hang in the air.

Heero lowered his head. Already, he felt he'd given away too much.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "There's not much of my early childhood that I can honestly say I remember."

He saw Misaki's eyes spark with hope. Heero knew that hope would come crashing down if it turned out that he wasn't the one.

He drew a heavy breath and continued.

"To answer your earlier question, I am from this colony. I think. At least, that's what my, uh, _caretakers_ told me." He scratched the back of his head. "Much of my childhood was spent here in this city." He wasn't about to tell this kindly woman how he'd passed his childhood, exactly. "I don't remember much before the age of four or five."

Misaki was dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. _Oh, no,_ Heero thought— now he'd done it. This woman seemed to really believe her long-lost son had returned to her, and that he was none other than Heero. But what if she was mistaken? Heero thought this whole situation was too good to be true; in his experience, this type of thing usually was. How insane would it be if he waltzed into some café and just happened upon his long-forgotten birth mother? It was just too crazy of a coincidence, even though "crazy" was an apt word to describe his very existence.

He had beaten the odds in more ways than most would deem humanly possible. He had cheated death more times than he could count. He had fallen for a girl he'd, on multiple occasions, pointed a gun at, and had unwittingly made her fall in love with him. In an unexpected twist of fate, he had gone from being her attempted assassin to her protector, her teenage sweetheart to ex-boyfriend, and now her full-time employee. And though the action had certainly calmed down over the years, the life Heero led was not one for the faint of heart.

"Did you have foster parents, then?" Misaki was asking him, her voice shaking. "Were you adopted?"

Heero chose his words carefully. "I… was raised in foster care, yes. Until I was old enough to be on my own," he said. That was close to the truth; at least, close enough. "No one officially adopted me."

"And did you ever try to look for m— your mother?" Misaki stammered.

Heero hung his head.

"I was told my family was all dead," he spoke slowly. "And I've always believed it."

Misaki gasped. "But weren't you ever curious? Didn't you feel a longing to find out, to know where you came from?"

"_Mochiron,"_ Heero shrugged. "Of course." Years ago, Relena had even offered to help him by hiring private investigators. Heero had turned her down. He knew Relena empathized with him, having lost all of her childhood memories after the trauma of having her whole family assassinated. She felt that Heero owed it to himself to learn the truth about his life. While Heero understood her reasoning, he couldn't bring himself to begin what he figured would be a futile search. If Heero had been born into a normal, loving family, only to have it all torn apart, he really didn't want to know. What good would it do him now? His cards had been dealt to him long ago. There was nothing he could do to change his past, and knowing about it wouldn't change who he was in the present.

He wanted to make that abundantly clear to this mystery woman.

"I don't want to get your hopes up," Heero spoke slowly. "And I can't make any promises. I have no idea if I'm the person you think I am.

But if you have any sort of evidence, anything you can show me… I'll consider telling you more about me."

For the first time during their exchange, the older woman offered a smile, though she was still wiping away tears.

"I can show you," she whispered. "When can you come back? I'll have a break around 10. Or I could meet you back here this evening."

Heero hesitated. He knew that he couldn't commit to a set time. He had no idea what the rest of the day would hold for him, no idea what he and Relena…

_Relena. _He still had no idea where she even was, and had wasted precious time that he should have spent trying to find her.

Fresh panic washed over him. What if… he'd been lured here, somehow? If he'd been set up, and Relena was in danger? He'd already lingered for far too long.

He had to go.

"I'll be back when I can," he said in a rush as he crumpled his coffee cup and tossed it in the nearby trash. "Not sure when that will be. But I have to run."

Misaki looked shell-shocked, but recovered quickly.

"Well, you have my name. And you know where to find me," she said. "But please… don't wait too long. I'd like to get an answer, at last. I'm sure you would, too."

Heero nodded, having nothing more to say.

The early morning streets were now teeming with people on their way to work. Heero could only hope that he'd find Relena's face in the crowd.


	8. Damage Control

**Chapter Seven**

**Damage Control**

_Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it_

_Where are you tonight? You know how much I need it_

_Too young to hold on _

_But too old to break free and run_

_Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in_

_Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him_

_My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come_

_It's never over_

_My kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder_

_It's never over_

_All my riches for her smile _

_When I slept so soft against her_

_It's never over_

_All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter_

_It's never over_

_She's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever_

_But maybe I'm too young_

_To keep good love from going wrong_

_Sometimes a man gets carried away_

_When he feels like he be having his fun_

_Much too blind to see the damage he's done_

_Sometimes a man must awake _

_To find that really, he has no one_

_So I wait for you, and I burn_

_Will I ever see your sweet return?_

_Oh, will I ever learn?_

_Lover, you should've come over_

'_Cause it's not too late…_

_- Jeff Buckley, _Lover, You Should've Come Over

What a morning. It was going on six a.m. Heero hadn't slept since his brief snooze on the space shuttle, and that was several hours ago. He never could sleep on shuttles anyway, especially when sitting next to Relena; Heero felt a constant need to keep an eye on her. In fact, when he was on assignment with her, he hardly slept at all, too busy keeping vigilant watch while she rested to squeeze in some shut-eye for himself. And so Heero was used to being sleep-deprived, and could still operate at full capacity. This morning, however, had taken its toll.

He had combed 100 city blocks in the course of two and a half hours but had gotten nowhere. It just figured that, of all the colonies to go missing on, Relena had to pick one of the biggest.

Heero's clothes were ragged and dirty. His hair hung in defeated clumps around his eyes. Full of caffeine and yet fully exhausted, he felt as though he could collapse at any moment. There was only one thing holding him up, driving his every step— his need to find Relena. It drove him crazy not knowing where she was. The thought of something happening to her… He couldn't bare it. Not after the way he'd treated her, the horrible things he'd said. He hated the idea of leaving things like that. If it had to end between them, if their relationship would never be the same and she never wanted to see him again, he at least wanted the chance to apologize. He couldn't take back what he'd said and done, but he could at least let her know how sorry he was. He just hoped he would get the chance to tell her these things; he dreaded that it was already too late.

There was one place he hadn't looked, and it wasn't a place, exactly. Sometime between his fight with Relena and his little liquor party for one, Relena had called Duo and poured her heart out; then Duo called Heero and let him have it. It was a logical deduction, then, that Duo might know Relena's whereabouts. It was a long shot, Heero thought, but worth a try.

With a heavy sigh, he grabbed his mobile and brought up the stupid bat icon Duo had selected as his avatar, then punched the "send" key.

"Hey, He-Man! What's up?" It was six a.m. and Duo sounded downright jolly—as if he hadn't used some very strong words to describe Heero just a few hours ago. Something was very wrong, Heero decided.

"Cut the shit," he barked. "Where is she?"

"She?" Duo looked baffled. "Who? What are you talking about?"

"_Re-le-na_," Heero said through clenched teeth. "You're the last person she spoke with before she went missing."

"_What?_ Rel went _missing_?" The shock on Duo's face was plain as day, making it obvious that he hadn't been complicit in Relena's disappearance. The braided ex-pilot may have liked to play games, but Heero knew that this wasn't something he'd mess around with. Duo knew better than to make light of any situation involving Relena; with Heero, it was always a touchy subject.

"I was hoping you'd know where she went," Heero glowered. "She took off not long after she called you, and I've been looking for her all over the colony." He sighed again, unable to hide his worry. "This is the one time I was hoping that you'd found her first."

"Damn," was all Duo managed to say at first. He scratched his head helplessly. "You really did a number on her, didn't you?"

"Not helpful, Duo," Heero gritted his teeth again. "I didn't call for a lecture; I don't have time for that. I need to find out where she is, and this was my last resort. If you have nothing useful to tell me, then I have no use for you." He was about to disconnect the call when Duo interjected.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute, buddy. Don't cop that attitude with me." Duo wagged a finger at Heero. "You have no one to blame in this situation besides yourself."

As much as it pained him to admit, Heero knew that Duo was right.

"Anyway, I'm nowhere near that colony, so there's no way Relena could've met up with me, even if she'd wanted to. I hope you find her soon, though."

Heero squeezed his eyes shut. This was not good. Relena had just taken off in the dark of night without telling anyone where she was going. Not even Duo, her annoying confidante. For once, Heero Yuy found himself completely shit out of luck.

"You're sure she didn't say anything to you. No hint of where she might want to go to after…" Heero couldn't bring himself to say it. "After…"

"After what? After you threw her over?" Duo seethed. The cheerful Duo he'd dialed up was gone, replaced by his murderous alter ego, the God of Death. "No, Heero, she didn't give me a hint. She said she was tired and wanted 'the nightmare to be over.' I wasn't sure if she was talking about her fight with you or the entire relationship, but you get the drift. She was pissed. She probably did this to tick you off. And I have to say, man, you really deserve it."

Heero scowled into the vid phone. "Are you finished?"

"Not quite, but I'll save the rest for later." Duo smirked. "You have to go find Relena now."

"And you're sure she didn't say _anything_ to you," Heero tried one more time.

"I swear on the grave of Deathscythe! Ok?" Now Duo was the one to sigh. "Sorry, Heero. Call me and let know when you find her, will you?"

Heero's shoulders sagged. "Yeah."

"You know, if it helps, I could always ask Hilde what she'd do in Relena's shoes," Duo piped up. "Might help to get a girl's perspective on this one, you know?"

Heero shook his head fervently. "No thanks. I don't need anyone else knowing about this."

Duo looked sheepish. "Ah, well… too late for that." He scratched the back of his head.

Heero turned his death glare on the other Gundam pilot. "Duo…"

"What? I couldn't help it. She heard me talking to Relena, so I had no choice but to spill."

"Fine," Heero growled. "But she doesn't need to know Relena's missing. It shouldn't go any further than this."

"Well…"

"Now what?"

"Nothing. Just that I might have also drunk-dialed Wufei at some point…"

"Duo!"

"What? I didn't say much. And he definitely doesn't know Relena's missing; that's new intel on my end."

Heero pressed his temples, trying to ease the migraine he felt coming on. "Whatever. Just keep your mouth shut from now on. Unless, of course, you hear from Relena first."

"You got it." Duo signed off with a little salute.

That was it; Heero had exhausted his last option. Now he truly had no idea where to turn next. He supposed he could retrace his steps over again; it was possible he and Relena had just missed each other. Or that she could be hiding from him on purpose. Or, worse… he hated to think of anything worse.

As more restaurants and cafes were starting to open up, not only would he have to search the same areas over again—now, he'd have even more places he had to check. He groaned. When he found Relena – not _if_, he told himself – he was going to explode. He alternated between feeling furious with her and agonizing over her well-being. The dichotomy was doing terrible things to his mind. After Relena, he decided, Heero was going to take a break from women. For a long, long time.

He'd turned another corner when he heard his phone ring. Heero wasted no time picking it up. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when the caller ID screamed _RELENA _at him.

_RELENA RELENA RELENA_

Heero held the phone to his ear and waited to hear her voice. Just in case it was some cruel joke; just in case it was somebody else.

"Heero?"

Relief, like a baptism, washed over his entire body. He couldn't believe how good it felt, just hearing her voice again. The thought struck him that he was probably more than a little co-dependent on her. That wasn't a good thing, but…

"_Heero?"_ She repeated his name, sounding more anxious. Heero realized he hadn't answered her.

"Relena." He surprised himself with how calm he sounded out loud.

"Where are you?"

Heero swore under his breath. Was she kidding him?

"What did you say, Heero? Just tell me where you are!"

He just chuckled. "You tell me first."

"Huh?"

"Stop playing games with me, Relena. Where are you?"

"I'm in my room, Heero. At the hotel. Now where are _you_?"

_In her room._ She'd tossed her explanation off so flippantly. As if she'd been there the entire time. As if she hadn't been playing hide and seek with him all over the city. As if she had no idea of the torment she'd just put him through.

Heero felt his irritation mounting. It would take considerable effort for him to reign in his fury before facing Relena.

"Stay right where you are," he instructed. "I'm on my way."

**Author's Note:** My first update since Hurricane Irene left me powerless for 48 hours! I hope you're enjoying this so far. I appreciate any and all input; you all know and love these characters, too!

I just want to say, I highly suggest listening to Jeff Buckley's song when you read this. YouTube it. It's beautiful and just fits Heero so well (I think). Actually, I suggest you do that with all the songs I cite throughout this story! They're each chosen very deliberately. Looks like I've inadvertently written a songfic! I hope you enjoy.


	9. Fire and Ice

**Chapter Eight**

**Fire and Ice**

_Trying hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand_

_Driven to distraction, so part of the plan_

_When something is broken and you try to fix it_

_Trying to repair it any way you can_

_I dive in at the deep end_

_You've become my best friend_

_I want to love you but I don't know if I can_

_I know something is broken and I'm trying to fix it_

_Trying to repair it any way I can_

_You and me are floating on a tidal wave together_

_You and me are drifting into outer space…_

_-Coldplay,_ X&Y

Normally, Heero was not a fan of public transportation. But after receiving Relena's call, he didn't want to waste another minute and hailed a cab. He'd be next to her again in no time. But then what? He could barely string a thought together in his wretched state. Part of him wanted to lash out at her. The other part, the far more dominant one, wanted to forget the whole thing and just grab her and kiss her. Which side would win out this time, he had no idea; but he was eager to get back to her and figure it out later.

After what felt like an eternity in the cab, though in truth it couldn't have been longer than fifteen minutes, Heero burst through the doors of the hotel. So alarmed were the patrons and employees by his disheveled appearance and frantic pace, Heero had to flash his Preventers badge just to access the elevator. A few more agonizing moments later, Heero launched himself down the hallway and into the suite where Relena, he hoped, would be waiting.

He stopped, breathless, in the doorway. Relena was sitting on the couch looking immaculate as ever—business suit perfectly pressed, hair perfectly styled, a pile of paperwork in her lap and a steaming cup of tea in hand. She set the beverage down calmly before turning her attention to Heero. If she was alarmed by his tattered appearance, she kept her reaction in check; the only hint she gave to her surprise was the arch of a single brow.

"Heero," she said coolly. She picked up her tea cup once again and took a dainty sip.

Heero immediately got was she was doing; this was Relena's way of showing she was pissed. And as relieved as he was to see that she was safe and sound, he wasn't about to let her act as though nothing had happened. As if she hadn't tormented him all night, on purpose. Heero slammed – and locked – the heavy door behind him, then strode intently toward Relena.

She continued acting nonchalant, even as his steps carried him closer.

"You should probably change before we head to our first meeting," she prattled. "There's one right at nine, remember? And a breakfast with all the diplomats before that. So you should really—"

Heero didn't let her finish. He snatched her tea cup away and set it down on the coffee table – as much as he wanted to smash it – forcing her to face him.

"Cut it out, Relena," he barked. "I'm through playing games with you."

Relena's steady, ice-blue stare told him that so was she.

"Really, Heero," she laughed darkly. "That's funny. I'm almost certain you're the one who started it."

The steady flame of his anger was quickly growing in size.

"So you felt justified to send me on a wild goose chase all night?"

Relena reached around Heero and retrieved her tea. She retreated back against the sofa as she took a slow sip.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said calmly. "What prompted you to go running around looking for me? I was here all night."

Heero growled and lunged forward. He'd never physically hurt Relena, even if he had pointed a gun on her before, but he was seething, and she was deliberately trying his patience. Relena gasped as he advanced on her, placing both of his hands on either side of her against the sofa, pinning her in place. His quick, violent motion caused her hot tea to splash, some of it directly into his lap, but Heero ignored it. He wasn't about to let Relena get away from him—not this time.

His breathing grew heavier as he stared down at her. Relena's gaze had turned from icy to panicked, her blue eyes scanning his worriedly.

"Heero," she said breathlessly. Her expression suggested she thought him a mad man. "What has gotten into you?"

"You," he said curtly. "Now where were you last night? Don't lie to me."

"I was here," she said again.

"Wrong answer." Heero grasped her shoulders and pushed her up against the couch. She didn't wince or cry out at his sudden force, just continued to stare up at him unblinkingly. And that reminded him of all the times Relena had stared down the barrel of his gun, fearless. And that, to Heero, was a turn-on. And damn was it distracting, especially now.

He shook his head to steady his thoughts. "I checked on you in the middle of the night," he continued. And by that he meant he'd busted open her door in a drunken stupor, but she didn't need to know that, although the splintered wood (along with the bathroom's broken mirror) had definitely given him away. "You weren't there, the window was open, your stuff was everywhere…" Heero tightened his hold on her. "Where did you go?"

Finally, Relena blinked.

"Let me clarify, Heero, that I never left the _hotel_."

Ah, so there was the difference, at least in Relena's mind, Heero thought. She was "here" all night, in the larger sense. Why didn't he think to check the hotel bar? That should have been the first place he looked.

But, then, Relena had opened her window, leading him to believe that had been her exit route. And she couldn't have left the suite any other way, not without passing him in the common area, where he was slouched on this very sofa keeping company with the contents of the liquor cabinet. Heero's mind whirled. Had she managed to slip out undetected? Had he been _that_ drunk?

Relena must have sensed his confusion. Taking a deep sigh, she continued to explain.

"I was frustrated, Heero, and needed to blow off some steam."

So he'd been right about the bar—he thought.

"So I went to the fitness center."

"_What?"_ Of all the scenarios Heero had entertained, that thought had never crossed his mind. She was angry with him… so she went to the _gym_? But, then, knowing Relena, it actually made sense. She was too much of an insomniac on a normal night, without the added stress of their encounter, to try to sleep; and it was more like her to go for a run on the treadmill than go bar-hopping in the middle of the night. Heero should have known that. But, still, how had she gotten past him?

He voiced the question to her, and she laughed softly.

"Our rooms have their own doors to the hallway, Heero."

Now it was Heero's turn to blink in surprise.

"Are you serious?" He couldn't believe that he'd failed to notice that. But then he'd only stepped into his room for a second, and had been too frantic when he'd gone into Relena's. Still, Heero had always prided himself on being thorough. How could he have let this escape his notice?

"Next time," he spoke slowly, "I won't let you pick rooms like that. It isn't safe. From a security standpoint," he added sheepishly.

Relena laughed again.

"You're just angry I didn't consult you before leaving," she said astutely. "But after the way you behaved toward me, I don't believe I owe you any explanation." She pursed her lips shut and continued to stare up at him, as if daring him to break her gaze.

Heero sighed and relaxed his arms.

"You're right," he said simply. This was probably his cue to apologize, to attempt to explain his bizarre behavior, and perhaps get back into her good graces. She didn't give him the chance. As soon as Heero released her from his hold, she wriggled out from under him.

"Coffee?" she called to Heero over his shoulder, striding over to the kitchenette. She was filling up a mug before he could reply. This was Relena's way of changing the subject.

Her sudden change in demeanor sometimes gave Heero whiplash, though he was coming to expect this from her. It was a political tactic she'd honed from years of deftly dodging uncomfortable or inappropriate topics during interviews and press conferences. The skill served her well, even during her conversations with him.

Heero stood to accept the steaming mug and took a sip. It was a dark, full-bodied roast. For someone who so disliked coffee, Relena was certainly skilled at making it. And she knew just the way he liked it.

The two were quiet for a few moments as each sipped their respective beverages. The silence was an uncomfortable one, at least for Heero; Relena seemed consumed by her thoughts. He wondered how many of them were centered on him, and how many had to do with work. This conference was an important one for Relena, as she was unveiling some significant initiatives for her Mars terraformation project. She had several meetings to attend and vital presentations to make. When Heero had started working for Relena a year ago, she was already prepping for this week. He had seen each draft of her major presentation, had pored over data, graphs and charts with her until his eyes were bloodshot. He'd even consulted with Zechs, his old archenemy, over vid-chat to gather the latest intel for Relena, something he'd loathed doing. He knew how much this week meant to her, and felt another wave of guilt for adding to her stress.

Relena's next words cut through his thoughts.

"Did you really spend all night looking for me?"

He looked up from the black liquid in his mug to see her regarding him, her face tilted to one side. It was a look she gave him often, as if she was trying to figure him out. Seven full years she'd known him, and she still gave him that curious look, and often.

Heero couldn't help it; he took a step toward Relena and gingerly tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," he answered softly.

Relena's eyes flickered, and he instantly recognized her next expression: hope. She was hoping this was his way of saying he really loved her, he realized. She knew him, and knew that with him, actions always spoke louder than words. He could deny loving her all he wanted, but when he did something like this, he revealed his true feelings to her time and again.

And yet they continued their little charade, continued dancing around one another. It was just like when they waltzed together for the first time at Relena's school dance, when Relena told Heero straight out: _"I know who you are."_ Up till that moment, he had thought her naïve, and far too nosy; then, she'd managed to surprise him with her knowledge of the political climate and all the players of the Eve Wars, and exactly who was on which side. _"I'm on your side,"_ she declared. That had been a first for Heero, and he realized there was something special about this brave, crazy girl. She was a lot stronger than he'd wagered; by the war's end, he'd decided she was far stronger than him.

Just like back then, Heero got the sense that they were dancing together, and Relena knew far more than she was leading on. He had managed to confuse her momentarily, perhaps, with his deception, but none of it had seemed to stick. Relena, if possible, had become more resolute than ever. Heero attempted to meet her unwavering gaze, but it was harder than he wanted to admit; just looking at her, he could sense her power. No one else had such power over him.

_She's determined to make this work,_ he realized. He knew he didn't want to let her, but wondered if he even had a choice. He wasn't sure he could keep fighting her, anyway.

As if reading his thoughts once more, Relena whispered, "I don't want to fight with you, Heero."

Setting down her tea on the counter, she took a tentative step forward. They were standing quite close together; Heero could have pressed his forehead against hers if he wanted.

"I don't want to fight, either. I'm sorry," he added, though he sensed it was far too late to say that. It was worth a shot, he thought; at this point, he had nothing else to lose.

Relena took in a sharp breath.

"I want to say that I forgive you," she began, "but the things you said…" She finally broke her gaze, shifting her eyes to the floor. "It really hurt, Heero. I think it will take a while to get things back to the way they used to be." She looked up at him again, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "In fact, I'm not sure we'll ever get back there, because apparently I spent quite a few years misjudging exactly what was going on between us. I thought we shared the same feelings, but I seem to have misunderstood all along.

"I guess I ought to thank you," she continued, "for being honest with me. I could have gone on for much longer, thinking you felt the same way about me. I've been living in a fantasy for far too long, and needed someone to shake me from my delusions. So thank you for telling me the truth." She offered Heero a sad half-smile.

_Wait, what?_ Heero wanted to stop her. He thought she understood exactly how he felt, could even read his mind. But his falsified confession had her questioning their entire relationship from the beginning. It was all his fault; he did lie and say that he never loved her. That she was merely important to him because she was important to the world, and he'd sworn to protect her, and other such bullshit. Heero felt all those things, sure, but he also felt much more than that. His attraction to Relena was paralyzing. He'd spent a year in her home fighting his urge to constantly touch her. He'd found subtle ways to bump into her, "accidentally" graze her shoulder or thigh, or create an excuse to grab her out of the blue. And every time he touched her, he felt electrified. Again, he was struck with the realization that Relena had no idea of the effect she had on him. He erroneously thought that, after all this time, she knew.

Last night, he had finally caved to his desires. When he'd found Relena naked on the bathroom floor and needing his assistance, Heero had momentarily convinced himself that she'd only pretended to fall, or had actually fallen on purpose. He thought, perhaps, that she was tired of waiting for him to make a move and decided to take the reigns herself, and finally take things further. It was only for a moment, but he'd allowed himself to lose control. If only he'd remained the perfect soldier, this stilted, painful conversation wouldn't be happening. Relena would be happy, relaxed and well-rested for her meeting; or, if she was neurotic and stressed, at least he wouldn't have been the cause of it. Or, alternately, if he'd kept his stupid mouth shut and just had sex like they'd both wanted to, perhaps he and Relena would be having an entirely different conversation… or, perhaps, wouldn't be talking at all. He could think of a million far more interesting things for them to do…

"_Fuck,"_ Heero cursed. Relena's bewildered expression revealed that he'd said it out loud, although he hadn't meant to. "Sorry," he muttered.

She shook her head vigorously. "We can't go on like this, Heero. I've got to focus on my job, and you've clearly got some personal demons to battle."

Heero winced. Relena had just reduced Heero's tragic, brutal history into a single cliché: "personal demons." That hurt, but he knew she didn't mean it as an insult. And even if she did, he felt that he deserved it.

She must have sensed that she'd landed a blow. Relena took another step toward Heero, taking his hands into her own.

"Listen," she spoke more softly. "There is a lot between us, and I don't want to lose that. Somewhere along the way, our relationship became overly complicated and confusing. I'd like to keep things simple, if we can."

Heero simply nodded as Relena continued.

"Let's just try, if possible, to focus on what's important and not let our personal feelings get in the way."

Heero hadn't been expecting _that_.

"It's imperative that we maintain our professional relationship," Relena concluded. "This terraformation… it's everything. I need this conference to go smoothly, and these next few days are crucial. Do you understand, Heero?"

He was shell-shocked. Relena was willing to sweep all their issues aside so she could focus on getting ESUN to sign onto her Mars project. Was that really what she valued most, in the scheme of things? Perhaps he didn't know her quite as well as he thought.

Or perhaps she, too, was trying to deflect from her true feelings. At the moment, it was probably just too much. Heero decided that he should probably let her be. It had been his decision to ruin things between them; had he expected her to beg for him to take her back? Or for her to take him back, if he'd come begging to her?

It was pointless to keep dragging things out, he thought. If she could bury their issues and move on so swiftly, so could he.

"Whatever you want, Relena," he said with a shrug.

He wasn't expecting the hand that struck him suddenly across the face—hard.

Heero almost lost his balance, recoiling from Relena's blow. He'd couldn't believe it—she'd _slapped_ him. And it stung.

"No, Heero, it isn't about what I want, is it?" she snapped. "How _dare_ you. If you cared so much about my feelings and what_ I_ want, you should have considered that before you all but attacked me last night."

Heero glowered. He wasn't used to Relena speaking to him so harshly, let alone hitting him.

"You make it sound like I tried to rape you," he seethed, "when you're the one who threw yourself at me."

Relena raised her hand as if to slap him again, but this time Heero caught it.

"_You_ kissed _me_!" she cried.

"You were naked," he retorted.

Relena gasped. "As if that's any excuse? You're not a Neanderthal, Heero! You can _control _yourself."

"I've tried to control myself, Relena." Heero's eyes burned. "We've been living together for a year. We're like a married couple without any of the benefits."

Relena let out a laugh, but it was a bitter sound. "If this was a marriage, I'd want a divorce." A few tears escaped from her eyes.

"This is why we shouldn't get married," Heero growled.

"We'd have to be in a relationship to be married," Relena snapped, "and there's no chance of _that_ ever happening again." She snatched back the hand Heero was still holding. "I'm done, Heero."

"We've _been_ done," he muttered.

"Oh, have we?" Relena rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the reminder."

Heero cast his eyes to the floor. Just when he thought they might be working toward healing, everything he'd tried to repair had blown up in his face—literally.

"_Relena."_ He'd meant to simply take a breath, but her name had involuntarily escaped his lips. It happened all the time; speaking her name was as natural to him as breathing. As if she were a part of him, even though the two of them had never become one.

He looked up to see her wiping away tears. He knew how much she hated him seeing her cry. She turned her attention toward tidying the kitchen counter.

"You can go now," she said curtly. "I don't need you to stay here. I'll call for another Preventer to accompany me for the duration of the conference."

Heero shook his head, though Relena's back was turned to him. "You'll need security for your flight back to Sanc, which is where I happen to live, and will need to return to, anyway. At some point, we'll have to go back together."

Relena spun around.

"I don't _want_ to go with you, Heero," she cried. "You can go and collect your things whenever you wish, but we will be traveling separately."

Ever so slightly, Heero's eyes widened. "Collect… my things?"

"Yes," Relena sighed. She brushed past Heero, walked over to the couch, and gathered up her paperwork. Then she kept on walking to her bedroom. Once she reached the door he'd busted in the dark of night, she shot a glance over her shoulder.

"Heero… You're fired."

**A/N:** All I have to say is… ouch! This chapter was quite painful to write. I hope you'll forgive me for my month-long absence; I've tried to make up for the wait with a longer chapter this time. Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Fighting Gravity

**Chapter Nine**

**Fighting Gravity**

_Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long_

_No matter what I say or do_

_I still feel you here till the moment I'm gone_

_You hold me without touch_

_You keep me without chains_

_I never wanted anything so much_

_Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain_

_Set me free, leave me be_

_I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity_

_Here I am and I stand so tall_

_Just the way I'm supposed to be_

_But you're on to me, and all over me_

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile_

_When I thought that I was strong_

_But you touch me for a little while_

_And all my fragile strength is gone_

_I live here on my knees as I try to make you see_

_That you're everything I think I need _

_Here on the ground_

_But you're neither friend nor foe_

_Though I can't seem to let you go_

_The one thing I still know_

_Is that you're keeping me down_

_- Sara Bareilles, _Gravity

_December 25, A.C. 196_

Golden rays streamed into Heero's eyes, rousing him from his slumber. He thought, at first, that he must be staring directly into the sun. As he blinked his bleary eyes open, still heavy from his languid sleep, he saw that the sunshine beaming through the nearby window was in fact the culprit—but so was the flaxen head of hair swaying just inches above him.

He opened his eyes fully and found he was staring into the face of an angel. Was it a dream?

"Heero!" her voice rang. He blinked once more and the gorgeous face came into focus. Her sapphire-colored eyes sparkled down at him. She gave his hands a squeeze. "I'm so glad you're all right."

"Relena?" Heero looked around to take in his whereabouts. He was in a hospital room, which irked him; she had obviously brought him there. The events from last night quickly came rushing back to him, and he remembered the exhaustive battle, the victory, and his ultimately rescuing Relena from the underground base of the Brussels presidential residence. Or was she the one who had saved him?

"Relena," he tried again, finding his voice. He moved to sit up, but she gently pushed him back.

"Don't even think about it," she admonished. "You've sustained serious injuries. Your Gundam was obliterated, remember?"

"_Hn."_ Heero murmured, running a hand through his unruly dark hair. "Yeah, it was." He peered at Relena thoughtfully. The picture of nobility was perched on the edge of his bed clad in a pink suit, her hair in a high ponytail. It had gotten even longer since the last time he saw her. He reached up and gave her locks a playful tug. "Guess it doesn't matter, now; I'll no longer be needing it."

Relena dazzled him with an affectionate smile. "No, you won't." She regarded him thoughtfully, tilting her head to one side. "Heero, tell me… How does that make you feel?"

He took a moment to reflect on the question, gazing out the nearby window. It was a bright, cloudless morning, and he remembered it was Christmas Day. The first Christmas in years where the world would finally be in peace. His thoughts turned once more to the little girl and her dog he had once encountered in a field of flowers. He felt, finally, that they'd been vindicated. He turned his eyes back to his angel, his savior.

"Relieved," he answered her. "And ready to start over."

She gave his hand another affectionate squeeze. "I'm glad," she whispered.

He squeezed back, rubbing her soft skin with his thumb. It felt good to be close to her again. He wouldn't admit it under pain of death, but he'd missed her. It had been several months since their encounter with the remnants of White Fang, when the two of them had hid out with the other Gundam pilots on an abandoned colony that Heero ultimately decided to detonate. Before going their separate ways, Heero pulled Relena in for a kiss. Their first kiss. He hadn't kissed her since, hadn't even seen her, but he'd wanted to. He had returned to his quiet life on campus, while she had been busy trying to maintain the balance of a fragile peace.

It was all over now. Heero knew without a doubt the remaining mobile suits would be destroyed; Quatre, with Relena's support, would see to it. Now, former soldiers like Heero, Wufei and the rest of the pilots would be forced to reconcile their new roles in the emerging era. Heero wondered if his place was by her side.

"What will you do now?" Relena spoke softly, penetrating his thoughts.

"_Hn,"_ came his trademark reply. "School, work. You know. I'm just a regular guy." He gave her a slight smirk.

"Is that so?" Relena smiled back. "And where are you working these days?"

"Why?" Heero sat up and brought his face mere inches from Relena's, closing the remaining distance between them. He chuckled softly just before their lips met. "Know someone who's hiring?"

* * *

_May 20, A.C. 202_

"Heero… You're fired."

Heero stared after Relena in disbelief. Was she serious?

"You can't just fire me, Relena." He strode after her. "Not in the middle of an assignment."

"Yes, I can," she retorted, "and I am."

Heero stood in her doorframe, folding his arms over his chest. "I don't work for just you, you know. I answer to Preventers at large. And they employ me to you under contract—"

"And that contract, you'll recall," Relena interjected, "states that I have the right to terminate employment at any time, without forewarning. And you have the right to do the same. Shall I phone my attorney? Or would you rather we just call Une?" She brandished her mobile phone at him.

Heero reached out and lowered her extended hand.

"That won't be necessary," he glowered. "I'll agree to vacate my position. And move out," he added through gritted teeth, "once we return to Sanc. But on one condition: I must finish out the week. I'm not going to abandon you in the middle of a mission."

"Why is it you feel so strongly about this—this mission?" Relena snatched her hand back indignantly. "Is your integrity all of a sudden getting in the way?"

Heero lowered his head. "Relena…" He sensed she had more fury to unleash. It seemed the former queen had years' worth of angst stored up, ready to hurl against him.

To his surprise, Relena ceased fire. Her shoulders slumped as she released a heavy sigh.

"Just go, Heero. I'll be fine."

"No." Heero took another step toward her. "I swore to protect you."

Relena laughed bitterly. "You can't seem to protect me from yourself, though, can you? Let someone else do the job."

He shook his head vigorously. She wasn't getting it. The other Preventers could do an adequate job, sure. But to him, guarding Relena was more than just a job. He'd made an eternal vow to protect her, no matter who her enemies were. No one else had sworn themselves to her, to his knowledge. It was a promise he backed up with his life. And so watching her was more than his duty; it was his life's work. He worked twenty-four seven, over time, weekends, holidays—he never abandoned his post. By firing him, she was asking Heero to forsake his life's mission, and to give her up forever.

He raked a hand through his tangled hair, trying to think of a way to get her to see reason.

"Relena…" he began. "Last night… I just wasn't thinking straight. I screwed up. It was a momentary lapse in judgment."

"When?" Relena practically howled with laughter. "You mean when you tried to seduce me, or when you insulted me?"

Heero clamped his eyes shut. "Relena…"

"No, really, Heero! I want to know—which one of those instances was the bad judgment call?"

Heero opened his mouth to answer, but once again, she wouldn't let him.

"And don't say it was my fault," she chided, wagging a finger at him, "or that you simply couldn't help yourself because I was naked… which, by the way, people have to be in order to take a bath!"

Heero blinked. "You were in a hot tub."

Relena exhaled, causing her bangs to fly up. "Heero Yuy, that's a mere technicality!"

She stormed over to her bed, slammed her paperwork down, and began shoving the lot into her briefcase.

"I'm tired of arguing with you, tired of crying over you, tired of agonizing over all of our issues… in short, I'm tired." She pinched the bridge of her nose, as if trying to quell an oncoming headache. "Now please, just go do something. _Anything_. I just… I can't even look at you."

She stopped fumbling with her briefcase and buried her face in her hands. Heero reached out to touch her shoulder, and she whirled angrily on him, a ball of blonde fury. Those sky blue eyes were rimmed with red. How was it she managed to look so angelic when she was mad?

"Heero, please!" she cried. "Just go."

Heero took a chance and rested his hand on her shoulder anyway. He expected her to flinch at his touch, but she kept still.

"I don't want to leave you," he murmured.

Her eyes regarded him sadly. "You made that choice already, Heero."

"But, Relena…"

She shook her head firmly. "No."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Both pairs of blue eyes widened in surprise at one another. They had been so caught up in their personal war, it was as if an outside world did not exist. The knock was a reminder that it did, and something else finally required their attention.

Relena practically tripped over herself in her rush to answer the door. Heero beat her to it and blocked her way. He _never_ let her open doors without knowing exactly who was on the other side first.

"Relena," he warned. His eyes told her to step back. She obeyed, looking annoyed.

Satisfied that she'd let him win one battle, at least, Heero peered through the peep hole to see an old friend. The timing wasn't great, but he was glad that it wasn't Duo.

Heero yanked open the door, and Quatre swept into the suite.

Relena squealed and all but leapt into his arms. "Kat!"

"Lena!"

The two embraced as if they hadn't seen each other at some other conference or ceremony or something or other in the past few months. Hell, Relena saw Quatre all the time. Before learning that Relena was fond of phoning Duo, Heero had thought Quatre to be her sole confidant, besides himself.

Relena released peels of laughter as Quatre twirled her around, ballroom dance style. He giggled right along with her. When the two of them got together, they had an uncanny knack for bringing out one another's inner three-year-old. Never mind that each one had been burdened with prestigious, demanding careers since they were teenagers. Since they'd each been denied a childhood, it only made sense that they would revert back to a more youthful state in one another's presence. Heero just wished it wasn't so goddamned annoying.

"Look at you." Quatre held Relena by the waist, surveying her up and down. "You're a vision, as always." The platinum haired executive gave the darker blonde politician a peck on the cheek. "And did you cut your hair?"

Relena patted her shoulder-length hair and laughed daintily. "Oh, this? It was only a trim, really."

Quatre beamed at her. "Well, you look flat-out gorgeous." Relena blushed.

Heero might be jealous, if Quatre wasn't so flaming.

Quatre seemed to notice Heero for the first time, and gave a start when he took in the former Wing Zero pilot's matted hair, tattered shirt, and bloodied fist.

"Uh, hi Heero." Quatre cleared his throat nervously as he released Relena. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Heero growled.

"Heero… had a rough night," Relena offered weakly. Quatre swung questioning eyes over to her, and she shrugged her response. The silent communication between the two privileged blonds irritated Heero.

"I see," Quatre responded, as if telling Relena that he expected a full report later. He turned his attention back to Heero. "Are you, ah, escorting Relena to breakfast?"

"Goodness, no," Relena answered for her bodyguard. Her _ex_-bodyguard. "Heero hasn't been feeling well. He needs to take a nice, hot shower, and get some rest." She looked at Heero pointedly.

"Wow, Heero, sorry about that." Quatre scratched the back of his head. "Hope you feel better."

"Thanks," Heero mumbled, simultaneously glaring in Relena's direction. This wasn't over, as far as he was concerned.

"Well, Lena, should we get going then?"

Relena paused, still looking at Heero. She pursed her lips. "Ah… yes, Kat. I'll be ready in a minute."

Quatre seemed to discern that there was something deeper going on between the politician and the Preventer—as usual. He tugged at his necktie, as if the room had suddenly become too hot. "Right, then," he laughed nervously. "I'll just wait for you in the hall."

Relena waited until Quatre had made his exit before walking wordlessly back to Heero, linking her arm through his, and steering him back toward her bedroom.

"You can stay," Relena said softly, "until tomorrow morning. That should give Preventer enough time to send a replacement. I'll give Une a call after breakfast."

"No," Heero said flatly. "I'll do it."

Relena sighed, reading his mind once more. "You don't have to worry, Heero; I won't say anything about… what happened between us. I'll just tell her that you aren't well."

That was even worse, Heero thought. If Une had cause to think Heero was seriously ill, depressed, mentally unstable, or generally incapable of handling his duties, then he would be dismissed from the Preventers altogether. He shook his head firmly.

"I'll do it." He leveled Relena with a look that said he meant business.

"Fine," Relena gave in. "Just tell her I need someone ready to go by 8 a.m. sharp. Okay?"

Heero just nodded in compliance.

"Great." Relena dropped Heero's arm then, as if she'd forgotten she'd been holding onto it. "Well." Her face colored slightly. "I'd better be going." She looked up to scan his dark eyes once more; hers were clearly still troubled. She opened her mouth to say something else, but quickly clamped it shut. Then she grabbed her briefcase and ran out of the room without another word.

Once Heero heard the suite door click, he stripped off his ruined clothes and contemplated what to do with them. He should burn them, he thought. He settled for tossing them in the bathroom trash. On his way to the shower, he passed the hot tub that had been the source of all his trouble, starting last night. He glared at the evil object, as if doing so would cause it to burst into flames. Of course, it did nothing. He snarled. He wouldn't readily admit it to Relena, but sometimes, he missed violence. He missed explosions, and being the one who caused them. Sometimes he wished he could find some abandoned mobile suit factory or dilapidated colony and blow it to smithereens. Detonating the one near the L3 cluster six years ago, the place where he'd shared his first kiss with Relena, had been quite cathartic for him. He hadn't gotten to fire at anything massive since the day he destroyed Wing Zero.

He walked past the mirror he'd smashed with his fist last night, and his visage haunted him through the shattered pieces. No—there was the _real_ source of his trouble. Picking up the gun he always had on him, which he'd set down after removing his clothes, Heero aimed for his face in the mirror and sent a bullet right through his left eye.

The glass was pulverized, sending dusty shards flying all around him. Heero felt a smack of satisfaction. He'd clean the mess up later, before Relena could come back and wind up stepping on the broken pieces, like she would.

Heero stepped around the disarray he'd created and into the shower. He let the steam and hot water envelop him until he lost track of time. How long had he been awake, anyway? It felt like days. It probably was.

Before sleep could overtake him while standing up, he turned off the faucet and stumbled toward his unused bed. He collapsed on top of it before he could even turn down the duvet and slip inside.

His dreams were a jumbled mix of kissing Relena, piloting Wing Zero, shooting his twin buster rifle at Zechs, and punching the crap out of Duo. Somewhere in the middle of it all, his thoughts swirled with images of Misaki, who was or wasn't his birth mother, along with his earliest father figure, Odin Lowe. When Odin appeared in the dream firing his gun at a faceless man, dragging a young Heero off with him and laughing maniacally, Heero bolted awake.

He rolled over and checked the clock on the nightstand—it was just after 9 a.m. Heero could hardly believe he'd only slept for a few short hours. He remembered his early morning conversation with Misaki, who had mentioned that she'd be taking a break around 10. If Heero left now, he'd make it back to that café in plenty of time. Now that Relena had dismissed him, he at least had time on his hands to explore this possible link to his past. That was the one good thing about being fired, he supposed.

First, he needed to call Une, before Relena beat him to it. Heero got up and dressed in his Preventer uniform. He was on duty for the remainder of the day, at least; he might as well look official. Then he queued up his vid-phone and dialed HQ.

"Heero," Une answered, giving him a frosty smile. He'd worked with her on and off for years and knew she was no longer a menace, but she still gave off the cool composure of a soldier. "Good to see you. How are things going at the ESUN conference?"

"Fine, so far," Heero replied. "But something's come up."

Une quirked one eyebrow, then quickly schooled her features to mask any alarm. "Is that so? Everything all right? Need any back-up?"

That was just like the formal colonel, getting right down to business. Heero was glad she didn't waste any time with banter.

"I do need someone, but everything's fine," Heero started.

The head of Preventer eyed him quizzically. "Why, what's going on?" Une didn't like to dispatch too many Preventers in one place unless absolutely necessary, as each agent was a precious commodity. Highly trained, skillful warriors, Preventers weren't run of the mill police, security personnel or bodyguards. If Heero was requesting assistance, the situation was probably a deadly one.

Heero could sense Une's anxiety and hesitation.

"Don't worry," he said right away. "There's just a… family situation."

Une freely showed her surprise this time. "Family? Whose, Relena's? Or… _yours_?" Heero could see her brows knit together in confusion, trying to piece it all together. Une knew that Heero, like most of the former Gundam pilots, had no family; not that he, or anyone else, knew about.

"It's… uh, well." How should Heero explain this to his boss? He raked a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure yet, but it could be…"

"Is Relena pregnant?"

Une shocked Heero with her bluntness. And Heero was not easily shocked. He had just never heard "Relena" and "pregnant" in the same sentence before, and the thought terrified him. He hadn't even done anything to impregnate her.

"What? No!" Heero shouted, perhaps a little too forcefully. He lowered his voice. "No. It has to do with me. And my birth mother… maybe." He sat back and folded his arms. That was all he cared to explain; it should be enough. Besides, he'd never once asked for a vacation or cashed in any of his accrued personal days; did he really have to go in-depth as to why he needed a little time?

Une seemed even more stunned by this revelation than the possibility of Relena carrying Heero's child.

"Oh…" She blinked. "All right, Heero, we can certainly accommodate you. But please, if you wouldn't mind, let me know how things go." Une lowered her voice and leaned closer to the screen. "We… well, _I_… have some resources that could be of use to you."

"Huh?" Heero wasn't sure what he was hearing. He leaned forward, too, pressing Une to go on. "What are you talking about?"

Une cleared her throat. "Just, ah, you know… some files, documentations that have recently come to light. I've compiled much of it and have kept it to myself. I didn't want to alarm anyone with my discovery…"

Something gripped Heero—fury, panic, he wasn't sure. But he needed to know exactly what Une was saying.

"If you have something on me, anything, you need to disclose it to me right away," Heero growled.

"I do have something," Une confessed. "And I will show you as soon as possible…"

"Now," Heero urged. "Encrypt the data and send it over. I have a secure line."

Une shook her head. "You need to come here in person. It's… complicated."

"What?" Heero seethed. He couldn't believe this bureaucratic bullshit. "Why?"

"Because it's not something," Une answered, "so much as someone."

**A/N: **

Dear Quatre Raberba Winner,

Please accept my sincerest apologies. Your heterosexuality became a necessary casualty to my storyline, so that I could inject some much-needed comic relief into an otherwise angst-ridden tale. I know that you are continually depicted as gay in yaoi doujinshi and fanfics, despite your creators' insistence that the implication of your deep, burning love for Trowa was never their intention. At the same time, they've never insisted that you're straight! But nevertheless, I'm sorry. I hope your reputation as CEO of Winner Enterprises can withstand the slander. And for the record, if you ever did go gay, I'd still find you really cute. Kitty-Quat for the Win… ner! ^_^

Love and kisses,

_Aeris Eithne_

Gundam Wing fanfic author, journalist, and psychopath who talks to non-existent anime characters

To you, faithful reader:

As always, thanks for reading! This story is kicking my butt in my haste to get it out of my brain, onto this site, and into your line of vision! But like Tinkerbell, I need applause to keep me alive! Ok, it doesn't all have to be praise, but feedback is greatly appreciated and helps _feed_ the story, as well as my motivation!

Thanks for the love! ^_^ If you have something you'd like me to read, I'd be happy to return the favor!


	11. System Control

**Chapter Ten:**

**System Control**

_Paranoia is in bloom  
The PR transmissions will resume  
They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down  
And hope that we will never see the truth around  
So come on  
Another promise, another scene  
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed  
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds  
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined  
So come on  
They will not force us  
They will stop degrading us  
They will not control us  
We will be victorious  
Interchanging mind control  
Come let the revolution take its toll  
If you could flick a switch and open your third eye  
You'd see that  
We should never be afraid to die_

_- Uprising, Muse_

It's not as if Heero had forgotten about Misaki-san and the coffee shop; it was just that, in that moment, there were more urgent matters at hand. The Preventer remained on the phone with Une, carelessly throwing items into his duffel bag, as she secured a shuttle for him and arranged for a car to pick him up at his hotel.

He was beyond annoyed that he had to travel all the way to Preventers HQ just to see whatever it was that Une wanted to show him, but at least the organization had a traveling office. The Preventers had built their ship, the Aventinus, years ago to house many of their agents; it made it much simpler to dispatch them for various missions on earth and in the colonies. Heero's shuttle would meet them at the selected rendezvous point, and then they could get this – whatever "this" was – over with. Whatever secrets Une had kept hidden, Heero was dying to know. He had waited far too long for answers, for any clue into his past. That someone close to him had any insight, and had never brought it up before, irritated him more than he would say. Ever the perfect soldier, he of course masked his exasperation as he received the meet-up coordinates from Une.

It was only a matter of time before he would know the truth. His heart beat faster at the thought of it; he could all but hear it pounding in his ears. He might soon have the key to unlock the door to his past; and whatever frightening secrets were lurking in there, he didn't care. Heero would take the good with the bad and live with whatever there was to find out.

Hours ticked by as Heero took his cab ride to the nearest spaceport, boarded his private shuttle, and, finally, caught up with the Aventinus. His craft was swiftly ushered inside, and that thumping in his ears only grew louder as he finally came onboard.

Une was mostly silent in her greeting, a solemness that frightened Heero, although he wouldn't admit that to anyone.

"Come with me," she said without preamble, leading Heero down a long corridor and into a dark, round room that was largely empty, save for a large metallic chair with a matching helmet dangling above it, suspended by wires. It was highly unusual, but not quite as strange as when the chair swung around to reveal a petite, redheaded girl of about thirteen.

Mariemaia Khushrenada.

"Well, hello, Hee-ro Yu-y," she said in her thin, girlish voice, carefully annunciating each syllable of his name. "Long time no see." She giggled.

Six years had passed since the miniature, would-be dictator had tried unsuccessfully to take over the world; six years was quite a while in the course of a child's development, but Mariemaia had remained remarkably unchanged, except her hair was quite a bit longer than the pageboy style she wore it in as a child. She was still small in stature; perhaps her growth had been stunted by the gunshot wound she endured during the last battle in Brussels on that Christmas Eve years ago.

Heero wouldn't let himself get swept up in the memory of the night that essentially launched his long and complicated relationship with Relena, but instead focused on what Mariemaia was doing there— and why.

He looked to Une for an explanation. "What is this?"

"You may go now, Mariemaia," Une gestured to the girl to stand. She did so, but not without difficulty; Heero remembered that the girl was in a wheelchair for a while after the incident. Mariemaia complied and excused herself, but not without giving the former Gundam pilot a smirk and a tiny wave as she swept out of the room. The heavy metal door slid shut automatically behind her.

Heero looked at Une with his arms folded over his chest. "Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

The woman, in her early thirties, ran a hand through her long brunette tresses and sighed. "I've been looking after Mariemaia for a while now, as you know. She's here on vacation from school."

"And what's with this setup?" He gestured to the strange, spherical room. The Preventers had plenty of rooms for research and data mining filled with the latest technology, but nothing quite so stark and barren— not like this.

"That's where Mariemaia comes in," Une began. Now Heero was intrigued. "This is her father's work; she's been helping me to… carry it out. As you know, she's a very intelligent young girl. Remarkable, really." Une's brown eyes began to glimmer. "Her father was really something. But, anyway." She swept an arm toward the metal chair. "Have a seat."

Heero cocked a skeptical eyebrow. "Why? What is this?" He was a bit wary; the whole thing reminded him of the Zero System, and as effective a tool the deadly communication system was during a battle, it severely lacked in efficiencies, since it rendered its pilot a deranged killing machine. Basically, he didn't want to plug himself in and wind up going crazy. Again.

Une all but read his mind. "Treize was quite fixated on the Zero System. It had its, shall we say, quirks, but had so much potential in the way it could instantly deliver the best fighting tactics to its users."

_Here we go,_ thought Heero. _Into the fire once more._ He opened his mouth to protest, but Une was still talking.

"What you're about to experience utilizes the same technology as the Zero System," she explained, "with none of the side effects, thank goodness. It merely scans its user's personal data and shows you what you want to see. A virtual magic mirror, if you will."

Heero already knew all about that. The Zero System seemed to know everything about its pilot, including the individual's future— it had even shown him his death, images that had quite a chilling effect on Heero when he saw them. And he recalled how Zero had showed him Relena, over and over again. The thing was a mind-reader, and Heero had yet to understand how it knew. He didn't know if he wanted to understand.

But knowing that it was here for his using, that it could somehow show him the past… Zero beckoned to him once more. His hands shaking, Heero lowered himself into the seat and allowed Une to place the helmet on his head.

She was also securing his arms to the chair. He instantly recoiled.

"What are you doing?" he shouted.

"Just a precaution," Une answered in a soothing voice. "Just in case you see anything… unpleasant. I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to get out of this thing. But rest assured, this version of the system can't hurt you. As you noticed, there are no weapons, controls, triggers or buttons of any kind in this room— nothing you can do to inflict harm or yourself, or anyone else. You're not in a Gundam, Heero; you can relax."

He squirmed uneasily in his seat. "Then why all the hyper-vigilance?"

"Again, just in case the system shows you something disturbing. I've tested it myself many times, and it would have been nice to have someone in the room with me to hold me down when I got upset, let me tell you. But, as you can see, I'm fine. No real damage done." She sighed, and Heero knew that she must have that faraway look in her eyes again.

"Why the anxiety?" he murmured. "What did Zero show you? What did _you_ want to see?" He knew full well that she probably used this thing to "visit" with her dearly departed Treize.

Une cleared her throat uneasily. "I'm sure you can imagine, Heero. This will show you your past. And it's not mere fantasy; much of this data was culled by Treize before he died. He was a well-informed leader, that's for certain; he knew all about the major power players of the Eve Wars, his allies and enemies alike. He knew how everyone of us was interconnected… He held the key. He saved and deeply encrypted all of this data that's taken us years to recover. But I saw, through glimpses of my own past, that he knew much about who you were, too. Where you came from. How you were connected to Relena, long before either of you were even born."

That last statement piqued Heero's interest. "What? But… how?"

"You'll see soon enough, Heero. Are you ready? If so, I'll activate the sequence. Just say when."

What did he have to lose? Half-smirking, half-shaking, Heero quipped in the most sardonic tone he could manage, "When."

He was not prepared for what his old friend Zero was about to show him. Whatever he previously thought he could handle… the system pushed him to the very brink of his breaking point.

His childhood ravaged by fighting and fire. Ripped from his mother's arms, his home torn asunder. Being picked up by his pseudo-father, Odin Lowe. And then… seeing Odin with his mother. _What?_

_But they were gone... They were both gone._

He saw Relena as a young girl, looking out at him over her school's balcony. Trying to befriend him, the little terrorist who came to earth using the codename "Black Alpha." He'd already used several codenames, including "Odin Lowe, Jr.," but his real name was still unknown to him.

Relena had seen him, had reached out to him even then. He was only there for his mission. He would return set out to destroy her, only to spare her, and then spend his life protecting her.

Zero continued to weave together corresponding images of his tragic childhood with Relena's. She, too, was traumatized at an early age, but being raised in privilege by two loving adoptive parents soon erased the wounds of the past. Besides, she had been too little to remember much. Heero was a little older when death came to darken his family's doorstep. But he was far too young to learn to wield a weapon; he learned anyway. Handguns, assault rifles, rockets, grenades… they became the toy cars, trains and action figures of his childhood. He learned to fend for himself, to not even have to rely on his "old man," who died shortly after assassinating the colonies' beloved leader, the "real" Heero Yuy.

Heero saw, too, images of what appeared to be him at an older age, perhaps in his early to mid-thirties, dancing with what looked like a blonder Relena. It confused him to no end, especially when he saw this version of Relena piloting a mobile suit. In a bizarre role reversal, that version of himself became a politician. Was this some strange alternate reality?

Little did he know that Zero was still showing him the past; then, it began to show him the future.

Heero sat there watching scenes unfold before him, terrifying scenes that he could not stop; there was no way to tear his eyes away. They lasted for what felt like years, although Une had plugged him in for mere minutes. He was trembling uncontrollably when she chose to deactivate the sequence, and the system gradually shut down. Heero felt like he had been dancing on the edge of death.

He didn't leap up or lunge or do anything of the things Une seemingly feared he would when she decided to restrain him. As she lifted the helmet off of his head, Heero just sat still, staring into space. She waved a hand in front of his eyes to see if he was indeed with her.

"Heero?" she spoke slowly, cautiously. "Are you all right?"

Hearing his name caused him to come to; then, he sprung out of his seat. Or tried to; his arms were still restrained.

"Relena," was the first word on his lips. "Where's Relena?"

"She's where you left her," Une began. "At the ESUN conference on L1. Remember?"

"I have to go to her. I have to see her." He swung his head violently toward Une. "_Now_." It was not a request but an order.

"I already sent Trowa," the Preventer leader explained. "He's going to act as Relena's bodyguard since you're taking a leave of absence. Remember?" she pressed again. "There's no need to worry; she's in good hands."

"You don't understand," Heero seethed. "I need to see her. I need to stop this conference from happening."

"It's already _been_ happening, Heero, and Relena's fine. You know that." She tapped the helmet lightly. "What did you see in there? It's not supposed to show you the future; only the past. But you're acting like something is about to go down, any moment…"

"Cut the chitchat," Heero interrupted angrily. Une's voice was piercing his brain right now, and he didn't want to hear it. "Turn this ship around."

She shook her head. "I can't do that, Heero, I've got agents who need to—"

"Then tell Trowa to get Relena and bring her back here. She needs to see this. And she needs to get out of that hotel, now."

"Heero," Une sighed. "Honestly. Trowa will have the situation under control very shortly, and in the interim, Relena is with Quatre, who knows a thing or two about protecting a princess _and_ navigating the current political climate. So what are you so worried about?"

"Don't tell me you don't know," Heero practically spat. "You play around in this thing all the time. Tell me you haven't seen what I just saw."

"I don't know, Heero. It shows different things to different people. The data is customized depending on the user. So I'm afraid I don't know what, exactly, you're talking about. You'll have to be very clear…"

"I'm talking about the reason why this conference can't continue," Heero said through gritted teeth. "Why the Mars terra formation project can't continue. Don't tell me you don't know what that means." He glowered at his superior.

"Oh," Une sighed wearily. "Are you talking about the virus?"

"Then you know."

She waved a hand dismissively. "Heero, that's over twenty, maybe thirty, years away. And we don't know if that's exactly how things are going to pan out—"

"So Zero_ does_ show you the future, then?" Heero seethed. "I thought you only saw the past. You lied."

Une shook her head. "You're misunderstanding; it _is_ in the past. I know what you're referring to; the PPP vaccine. Plans for it began a long time ago, long before the Eve Wars."

Heero continued to stare her down. "And you know what it's going to do?"

"Yes, I know about the preliminary plans. But, again, it doesn't mean they're going to be fulfilled, especially any time soon…"

"You know," Heero cut her off, "and yet you do nothing?"

Une shrugged. "There's nothing we can do. Not now. And telling Relena about it isn't going to halt the project as a whole; the terra formation _needs_ to happen. You know that."

Heero knew, all right. He had Relena's pitch to her fellow delegates pretty well memorized. Between the earth and colonies, the human population had swelled to nearly 15 billion over the past century. Both locations were bursting at the seams and quickly running out of energy and resources. Relena was a major proponent for alternate fuels, and the weapons ban she'd pushed had resolved much of the energy crisis as arms development had screeched to a halt. But water and oxygen were increasingly scarce. As people like Zechs and Noin were deeply immersed in preparing the red planet for inhabitants, it stood to reason that a small population could survive there— and soon. Relena didn't discuss it much with Heero since she knew it upset him, but he knew that she planned to be among the first group of settlers. She seemed to think it was her calling. Any notions he had that she was the type of girl to settle down and start a family in a lovely little house in her home country of Sanc were dispelled whenever she got a gleam in her eyes talking about Mars. Always dreaming of life among the stars, that one.

Heero, on the other hand, found himself years into a long-term love affair with the blue planet. And it all started when he met that crazy girl who made him feel things no one else ever had. That no one else ever could.

He spoke sharply to Une once more. "I'm not letting this nonsense continue. In case you haven't gotten it through your thick head, this initiative is dangerous. Preventer cannot allow this vaccine to be issued; the virus it contains is lethal. It's going to kill billions."

"Not billions," Une corrected. "Millions."

"One billion," Heero countered, still staring her down. "One billion people."

"One billion isn't 'billions,' Heero," Une retorted. "You're losing perspective. Think of the _actual_ billions this vaccine will save."

He shook his head. "Unbelievable. You're actually going to support this thing, knowing full well what it's going to do?"

Une held up her hands helplessly. "It's above my pay grade, Heero. I suggest you discuss this with Relena. She's not in the dark about this whole thing, believe it or not."

"No way." Heero shook his head again, vehemently. "I know everything about that girl; there is no way Relena knows anything about this. She would never choose to sacrifice the few for the many, if that's the way you're looking at it; she wouldn't sacrifice anyone.

"And what's more," Heero continued, before Une could get a word in edgewise, "I doubt Relena would ever agree to be a trigger for a deadly super-virus. There's just no way."

Une's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What do you mean, 'trigger'?"

"There. I thought there might be something you didn't know. Now let me out of here. I'm going to tell Relena everything." He looked at Une pointedly.

Une complied and undid his restraints. Heero leapt to his feet and ran toward the door, calling to Une over his shoulder.

"I'm taking the shuttle back to L1. Tell Trowa to stand by in case I need him later. He's going to beat me there, barely. I'm going to pilot this thing like a bat out of hell."

Une looked shell-shocked but offered Heero a wave as he departed. "I… uh, we'll do what we can. Goodbye for now, Heero."

He grunted in response as he turned down the corridor.

"And Heero?" Une called after him, forcing him to turn around briefly. "I'm sorry about what Zero showed you… about the vaccine. I-I didn't know Relena was involved." She hung her head, seemingly ashamed.

Heero took a second's pause to calm down. His anger toward Une quickly relented. After all, it wasn't her fault. And though he felt crazed at the moment, and desperate to get back to Relena, he had a feeling that someday, he would be grateful Une had provided him with a portal to the truth.

He waved goodbye to the Preventer leader and made his hasty exit from the Aventinus, back to his shuttle and back toward the L1 colony, where Relena stood on the threshold of a pivotal decision that would impact generations. He had to see her and tell her what he'd learned, and make sure she understood it. He didn't know if she would believe him or even listen to him, but he had to try.

Whatever was about to happen at that conference would set in motion the next series of events that would dictate their future. It would alter the course of humanity for centuries to come.

And Relena, as always, was at the center of it all.

Heero steered his shuttle expertly back in the direction he had come from just a short while ago, although in his mind, it seemed that years had already passed since he left Relena in L1. He propelled himself forward, feeling as though he was racing against time itself.


	12. Closing the Distance

**Chapter Eleven:**

**Closing the Distance**

_Please don't stand so close to me_  
_I'm having trouble breathing_  
_I'm afraid of what you'll see right now_  
_I give you everything I am_  
_All my broken heart beats_  
_Until I know you understand_  
_And I will make sure to keep my distance_  
_Say "I love you" when you're not listening_  
_How long can we keep this up?_  
_And I keep waiting for you to take me_  
_You keep waiting to save what we have_  
_So I'll make sure to keep my distance_  
_Say "I love you" when you're not listening_  
_How long till we call this love?_

_Distance, Christina Perri_

April 7, A.C. 201

It was a balmy evening considering that it was still early spring, but warm mistral winds often swept into the Sanc Kingdom this time of year, rendering the area temperate as the South of France. The capital city of the small sovereignty was in celebratory mode that night, as the nation's former queen was celebrating a milestone birthday: her 21st.

Relena had become known over the years for throwing lavish parties, as the Peacecraft family had done for centuries past (although busy with work, she left the party-planning duties to her somewhat less industrious friends: Quatre, who had a knack for decorating and eye for detail; Trowa, who knew how to entertain a crowd; Dorothy Catalonia, who liked attracting attention; and Duo, who simply liked to have a good time). But this year's party was going to top them all. Even Heero Yuy couldn't stay away.

Heero knew that of all of Relena's parties, this was the one he could not miss. Not that he especially wanted to be there. But he had missed her birthday last year, and the year before, claiming to be tied up with schoolwork but also not wanting to endure the awkwardness of an inevitable slow dance with his ex-girlfriend. He still cared for Relena, and missed her, but hadn't wanted to get her hopes up for reconciliation just by showing up.

Then, a few months ago, everything changed. Heero completed his degree in computer science and engineering over a year ahead of schedule. He started working full-time as a systems engineer while working on retainer for the Preventers. Then he noticed that the Sanc Kingdom government was hiring.

It got him thinking. Ever since he'd left Relena's side, having spent a few years tagging along as her bodyguard when they were both still teenagers, he'd wondered what it would be like if he went back. Now they were both adults. A lot had changed in the past few years, politically and economically. The world was different; _they_ were different. Four years ago, terrorists crashed Relena's 17th birthday, but there had been few dangerous threats since then, and nothing of that caliber. Things were quiet; Relena seemed safe. Heero thought, sometimes, that she was probably better off without him, although he knew that he was the best possible bodyguard for her, truly believing that no one could keep her safer. He didn't know if she needed him; perhaps not in that sense, not anymore. Regardless, he submitted his application. He had to find out.

And so he found himself driving a rental car to the stately house – palace, really – that Relena called home. It had been in her family for years, and although it functioned as a school and an orphanage, Relena still slept in the master bedroom there, not wanting to get a smaller house or apartment and live completely on her own. Heero, not to mention Zechs, wouldn't have liked that; both of them would rather Relena live with a number of people, including her staff and bodyguards, than all alone. It was one thing the two former rivals had in common— extreme protectiveness over Relena.

Heero had come back to Sanc that night equipped with nothing more than a duffel bag, in which he carried his life's belongings, including his computer, and an electronic invitation from Relena, which was still stored on his vid-phone. That, along with his Preventers uniform, helped him gain clearance to the soiree. The former soldier had to admit that he was impressed with the high level of surveillance— he had to show three forms of I.D. before he was allowed entrance beyond the front gates. Although if he were head of security, he would have also required retina scans.

A valet parked his vehicle while Heero made his way inside. The evening sun hung low in the sky, which was streaked with shades of orange, pink and purple, like one of those girlie cocktails Relena occasionally liked to sip. The bright colors carried over to the palace's grand hall, which was decorated with more pink than most people – even Relena – probably cared to look at. Heero suspected that Dorothy – or Quatre – had something to do with that. As he entered the hall, Heero knew it was only a matter of seconds before his eyes would settle on Relena; she was likely in the very center of the room, welcoming guests with her warm smile and tinkling laugh.

He spotted her in seconds. One side was turned to Heero as she stood with Quatre and Trowa, leaning casually on Trowa's arm while laughing at something their blond friend was saying. Her honey-colored tresses cascaded over one shoulder in mesmerizing waves, her schoolgirl bangs either grown out or pinned to the side of her face. Either way, she looked more grown-up than Heero had ever seen her before, even when she wore business attire. Her summery cocktail dress was also shorter in hemline and lower-cut than other dresses he remembered; it also clung more closely to her figure. This one looked slightly off-white, but glimmered with gold in places where the soft glow of candles and glittering chandeliers shone upon her. Heero found her plunging neckline – revealing a more ample chest than he remembered his teenage girlfriend possessing – especially distracting, as were the long, toned legs she displayed, accented by gold high-heeled sandals. Trying not to gape at her, Heero concentrated on steeling his gaze as he ambled toward her.

Relena obviously saw him out of the corner of her eye but took a swig from her champagne flute before turning toward him. As their eyes met from across the room, she broke into a wide smile. Heero saw her lips form his name.

Conversations halted around them as the two stood about a foot apart, taking one another in. He couldn't believe it had been three years. Three years since their last kiss, last embrace, last… everything. Three long years he'd managed to stay away. Now, it would take only three steps forward to make all of the distance disappear.

They stood looking at one another for a beat before Relena stumbled forward. She seemed to be leaning on Trowa for support, but he gave her a gentle shove in the back. Perhaps it was the champagne or the high heels, or the clumsiness the royal always seemed to possess, but the tiny push was enough to send the princess tumbling. Heero caught her in a quick second. She blinked her bright blue eyes up at him as he steadied her in his arms.

"Heero?" She obviously wasn't expecting him.

He smirked down at the beautiful creature in his arms. "I got your invitation," he murmured.

She arched one eyebrow at him, amused. "Really," she said as a statement, not a question. She jabbed a pointed finger in his chest. "You didn't RSVP."

He pretended to look annoyed while a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Fine. Surprise."

Relena laughed, and Heero could feel himself warming at the familiar sound. He tried to quell the sudden surge of emotions he felt stirring within him; he was not supposed to feel this way around her. Wasn't he over her, after all? He'd imagined seeing her again would be awkward, not so comfortable. So… Easy.

"So, is this my present?" Relena's voice cut into his trailing thoughts.

"Uh, no." Heero raked a hand through the back of his hair nervously. "Can we… talk in private?"

Relena looked back to her group of friends. Heero acknowledged Quatre and Trowa with a nod; the two former pilots both responded with a wave. Neither seemed to want to disrupt the long-overdue reunion happening before their eyes.

Relena nodded shyly at Heero and laced her arm through his, leading him up the grand hall's staircase, away from her guests. Heero could feel countless pairs of eyes boring into his back as he headed upstairs with her, arm and arm, but he didn't care. Neither did she, apparently. Years ago, she might have worried about slipping away with him in front of a large group of people; they were discreet about their relationship then. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd even been in her bedroom, but Zechs had something to do with that. At the time, it had frustrated the teenaged Heero, but looking back he knew it was probably for the best. He and Relena were very young when they were together, and there was enough pressure on their adolescent relationship without factoring in physical intimacy. For someone like Heero, a child soldier who grew up without any affection or human contact whatsoever, being close to someone as warm and affectionate as Relena took a lot of getting used to; for the longest time, kissing and hand-holding was more than enough for both the stoic bodyguard and the bashful princess.

He could have been imagining it, but Heero thought Relena seemed significantly less bashful and much more brazen as she led him into her bedroom now, casting sidelong glances at him through her dark eyelashes.

"Here we are," she murmured, opening the door.

"You mean I'm allowed to enter the inner sanctum?" Heero teased in his monotone.

Relena shrugged. "Well, Zechs isn't here to stop you."

Zechs was missing his own sister's 21st birthday? That was unlike the overprotective – and that was putting it mildly – big brother. "Where's Zechs?"

"Where else? In space. With Noin." Relena waved her free hand dismissively. "It's not important." Relena sauntered over to her bed, Heero in tow. The massive bed was covered with a white, fluffy duvet that resembled a giant cream puff. Relena sat down and patted the space next to her. Heero tugged at his shirt collar.

"It's kind of warm in here," he feigned. "Can we… talk outside?"

Relena blinked up at him in apparent confusion, then smiled. "Sure," she said, getting back on her feet and leading the way to her balcony.

Somehow it was even steamier outside, and it was all too tempting to get swept up in the sunset view over the palace garden, along with the beautiful girl staring at him expectantly. Heero cleared his throat while Relena seemed to await some kind of explanation.

His voice seemed stuck in his throat. "Well, uh," he began. "Happy birthday." He stuffed his hands in his pants pockets and leaned in the open doorway.

Relena smiled, resting against the balcony's marble columns, facing him. "Thank you. I wasn't expecting to see you."

"You did invite me." Heero stiffened.

"And I invited you last year. And the year before. But then maybe your invitations got lost in space." She winked at him, which coaxed a laugh out of Heero. She laughed, too, but then tilted her head and peered at him curiously. "So why now?"

Why, indeed? The answer was complicated, to say the least. Heero still wasn't sure what he was doing there; only knew that he felt like he had to see her. For now, he answered, simply, "It was time."

"Ah." This answer seemed to pacify her, for now. "Well, it's been a while. You look different." Her eyes slowly scanned him head to toe; Heero took the opportunity to do the same to her.

"So do you," he responded. "I've never seen you in a dress like that." He hadn't meant to say that aloud, but it slipped out.

Relena blushed. "My friends picked this out. Is it too much?" She tugged at the gauzy fabric.

"No." Heero quickly shook his head. "Just not your usual style. It doesn't cover your ankles or have any big, poufy sleeves." Relena laughed her elegant, tinkling laugh once more.

"Well, things change."

"Yeah, they do."

The two stood staring at one another for a beat before Relena finally broke away, turning to look down at the blooming roses in her yard. Heero recalled an incident years ago when Relena, newly appointed Vice Foreign Minister, worked herself into a feverish frenzy and wound up toppling over that very balcony. Heero found her splayed in the garden with a twisted ankle. He ended up tending to her injury, putting her to bed on her sofa, and correcting piles of paperwork for her, leaving a single rose on top. It was one of the earliest indications he ever gave that he was interested in becoming more than friends.

He wondered if Relena was sharing in the same memory as she stared below. "Heero," she whispered without looking up at him. "I've had dreams where you just showed up like this. I'm not even sure this is real. I… I missed you."

Ignoring the voice in his head that told him not to, Heero moved closer to her and pushed a golden tendril of hair off her bare shoulder. "Relena…" He couldn't think of a more impressive thing to say, something that could sum up all of the conflicting feelings racing through his head. He wished that he could. "I'm here now," was all he managed.

She raised tearful eyes to his. "For how long?"

He didn't have an answer for that. Yet. Heero reached into his bag, retrieved a large manila envelope and held it out to Relena. "Open it," he instructed.

Relena's hands shook slightly as she accepted the envelope. "What is this?" she murmured. But she didn't wait for Heero to respond as she opened it, pulling out a few sheets of paper. As her eyes scanned the documents, she laughed in disbelief. "Heero, this is a resume and cover letter."

His dark blue eyes twinkled at her. "Uh-huh."

She shook her head, still smiling. "Why are you giving me a job application? Am I hiring?"

"You are." Heero took a step closer. Relena just gaped at him.

"And you decided to just… show up, and apply in person?"

"Yeah."

Relena rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you apply online?"

"I did. Two weeks ago. HR never got back to me." He leveled his gaze at Relena. "I'm here to follow up."

She took in a sharp breath. "Heero, this is crazy."

"Why? You don't want to work with me?"

"Not really, no." She pressed her lips together, almost frowning. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Now it was Heero's turn to frown. "Why not?"

"Why not." Relena laughed drily. "Perhaps because we used to be together. And you've been gone for three years." Her voice turned to a whisper. "And I thought you might never come back."

"Did you really think that?"

"You were pretty convincing." Relena lowered her head. Heero reached for her, tilting her chin up with his thumb.

"You'd never believe that. You knew I'd come back in some capacity. And you knew I'd always watch over you."

"I admit that I felt that, Heero. But that was years ago. After a while I stopped looking around for you, thinking you were still there in the shadows. And then I stopped feeling you there."

Heero lowered his hand from her face. She was right. After a while, he did stop coming around. He had told himself that if he was going to leave, he needed to stay gone. He didn't want to lead her on or waste his time pining over her. He thought moving on was the mature thing to do.

Too bad he'd found it categorically impossible.

Her voice was cutting through his thoughts again. "So why did you come back?" she whispered. "Really?"

He felt caught in a trap of his own making. He wasn't expecting Relena to be so upset with him over leaving. Their breakup, though difficult, had been mutual and amicable. They had parted on good terms. And he had vowed to always be there for her. The hurt and heartache she was revealing now both confused and overwhelmed him. Heero couldn't bear the thought of disappointing her once more.

"I came," he answered slowly, "to make sure you were safe. When I saw the position open up, it seemed like a good chance to keep an eye on you again. In a much more official sense," he added, since he'd acted as her unofficial bodyguard for years.

"Oh." Relena frowned. "But what about school?"

Heero gestured to his resume. "I finished in January. I've been working as a systems engineer since then. I can use that experience to revamp your security system; I'm more than competent with technology, as you know."

"Right." Relena cleared her throat and rifled through the documents again. "You do have a stellar resume, Heero. But I think you're a bit overqualified." He noticed that her cheeks were burning red.

"Relena." He waited for her to look at him again before continuing. "I want to be here."

"As my employee."

Heero nodded.

Relena sighed. "Won't that be… awkward?"

"It doesn't have to be."

"But we have a history, Heero."

"Yeah. A good one." He was growing more perplexed with her reasoning by the minute. Why was she making this so hard?

"Don't you see?" She gave another exasperated sigh. "Do you remember why we broke up?"

"Yeah. Of course." Did she think he would forget?

"Distance," she said anyway. "You had school; I had work and traveling; you had the occasional Preventers assignment that would have you gone for months. We couldn't sustain the relationship the way it was going."

"I know," said Heero, still puzzled. He wondered why Relena was summing up their entire history now.

"So…" Relena looked at him, as if waiting for him to catch up to her train of thought. "You come here, you start working for me, and then what?" She paused, but Heero said nothing. "No more distance. So if we can finally come together in the same place and time, for once, what's the point in being apart?"

They wouldn't be apart, Heero thought. That _was_ the point. "Relena, I…"

She put both hands up. "But if you're my employee, we can't be together. So you get to look after me – in an official capacity – and no longer from a distance. But you can't hold me close, either. Do you see the problem with this?"

He saw a big problem with that. But what was he supposed to do now? He had come all the way there, thinking that she would be happy to see him, overjoyed knowing that in the end, he had chosen to be by her side. Because for him, it was the end. He was young, sure; not certain of his exact age because he never knew his birthday, but he knew they were roughly the same age. And he knew that after traveling the world and the colonies, there was no other place he wanted to be. He was done. He had a compulsive need to safeguard Relena, to keep her close. For Heero, in a new era that no longer needed Gundam pilots or perfect soldiers, it was the only thing that seemed to make sense.

They needed each other, he thought. But maybe he'd thought wrong.

Heero tried to speak again. "Relena…"

"It's fine if you want to be on the payroll, Heero. I know you'd do a more-than-efficient job." Her shoulders sagged. "It's just… I don't know if I can do it. Be so close to you again, I mean. It's going to be hard." She peered up at him through her long lashes again. "What will it mean… for us?"

In that moment, he didn't know. He just knew his feet were moving him forward, not that they had any place else to go. At that point he was standing so close to Relena, she was practically pressed up against him. If he moved any closer, they would both tumble off the balcony.

Not knowing how to answer her, he just took her back into his arms. She settled against his chest comfortably. It felt good. He felt like she belonged there; she was the only girl who'd ever fit. Heero had tried, in an attempt to get over Relena, participating in the occasional casual fling. While other, attractive girls were appealing, there was simply no one like Relena. Other guys could cast their feelings aside for a one night stand, he knew, but Heero's dark past rendered him much different; he had obvious intimacy issues, and Relena was the only one he felt enough at ease around. No one else even came close.

"Heero," she was murmuring his name in his ear. He almost shivered as her breath tickled his neck. "You never answered my question. What does this all mean?"

Relena never could let a question go unanswered. Heero pulled away from her briefly.

"Do we have to figure it out right now?"

His vague response seemed to calm her, somehow. Relena broke into a smile. She shook her head "no."

"Not tonight," she whispered. "You're here. You're back. And it's my birthday. For now, I just want to enjoy my present." She giggled.

"Your present, huh?" Heero smiled down at her. "You think this is it?"

"Isn't it?" She tapped his chest.

It wasn't. He had a gift for her, in his pocket. A diamond in a small, velvet box. Not a ring, but a pendant on a delicate gold chain. Diamond was her birthstone; fitting for a princess.

But after such an emotional discussion, Heero wasn't sure now was the time to give Relena a diamond of any kind. Confusion, hurt and frustration still hung heavy in the air between them, despite the adoring way she was gazing up at him. And he knew despite her eloquence, Relena was still champagne-tipsy. If he slipped the pendant around her neck that night, she would awaken with nothing but more uncertainty in the morning.

If he were going to start working for her soon, it would behoove him to avoid further complications.

Heero wondered how much of their conversation Relena would even remember the next day, but then he didn't know how much she'd had to drink. She was still smiling up at him, swaying slightly in his arms.

"What is it, then?" she teased.

_What the hell,_ he thought.

Still holding her in his arms, Heero tipped Relena further back with one hand wrapped around her waist, the other caressing her neck. He gently covered her mouth with his.

Heero gave her as slow and sensuous a kiss as he could muster, although he was out of practice. While he had tried letting others into his personal space over the past few years, he never could bring himself to kiss anyone else. Relena still tasted exactly the way he remembered, with the different but not unpleasant addition of champagne and strawberries.

After several minutes, Relena finally broke away, breathless. Heero could feel her shaking.

"Heero," she gasped. She touched her lips where he'd smeared her rose-colored lip gloss, looking shocked by their sudden, dramatic collision. "So… what happens now?"

"You tell me," Heero smirked, tugging on a lock of her hair. "You're the birthday girl."

Relena blushed, lowering her eyes. "I know what I'd like to happen next… but. I might not remember it. And I'd like to." She slowly brought her eyes back up to his.

The way she'd said those words stirred something deep within him. He pulled her back into her arms; he couldn't help himself. The way she looked, felt, smelled and tasted was intoxicating. He felt a rush of blood to his head and tried to focus on not taking that aforementioned tumble off the veranda.

"Then you tell me when to stop," he whispered huskily.

She traced a finger over the stubble growing along his jaw line. Her sky blue eyes met the depths of his dark ones, earth colliding with deep space.

Her pink lips parted as she whispered her response.

"Never."

It took everything in Heero's diminishing willpower not to carry Relena from the balcony to her bed, and finally close the remaining distance between them. But the gentleman in Heero prevented him from ravishing her while knowing she was even a little inebriated. It did not, however, stop him from kissing her again.

He had no idea if she would remember that moment, but he knew it would stay with him forever.

Eventually, the reunited pair tore themselves apart and joined the rest of the party. Heero danced to a few songs with the birthday girl at her request, then made sure she got to bed at the relatively sane hour of 2 a.m. A few more glasses of champagne later, she was asleep in his arms before he even had a chance to tuck her in. He deposited her on the bed and covered the princess, still clad in her party dress, with the fluffy duvet.

He kissed Relena's forehead, turned off her light, and took one last glance over his shoulder before turning down the hall to the bedroom he used to occupy whenever he stayed in Sanc.

Heero started working as Relena's head of security – and personal bodyguard – later that week. While cheerful and friendly as ever, she maintained a somewhat detached demeanor around him; and never brought up his sudden reappearance, or the kiss on her balcony, again. It was as if their single most passionate moment had never happened, but was mere reverie in Heero's mind.

He kept the little velvet box holding Relena's birthday diamond in a lockbox under his bed. Although, sometimes, he would take it with him when they traveled, in case there were ever an appropriate occasion to present it. And later that year, as Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's and Relena's 22nd birthday came and went, Heero thought about giving her the gift, but the perfect moment never seemed to arise. There always seemed to be something in the way.

Over a year after that balmy April night, memories of the past collided violently with images of the possible future, a storm raging through Heero's mind.

The year was After Colony 202. The date was May 20. And once again, a wayward soldier was making his way back to his princess.

Heero would return to Relena. And this time, there would be no holding back. No mistakes. He wasn't going to risk ever letting her go— not again. Not ever.

He was almost back on the L1 colony and would soon be back at the hotel. Back to her.

And the velvet box was in his pocket.

A/N: The last chapter was sadly devoid of any 1xR sappiness; I hope this one made up for that in spades. Buckle up, dear readers— we're hurtling toward the finish line. Thanks for sticking with me.


	13. Don't Let Me Go

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Don't Let Me Go**

_Some things we don't talk about_

_Rather do without_

_And just hold a smile_

_Falling in and out of love_

_Ashamed and proud of_

_Together all the while_

_Picture you're the queen of everything_

_Far as the eye can see_

_Under your command_

_I will be your guardian_

_When all is crumbling_

_I'll steady your hand_

_We can never say never_

_While we don't know when_

_But time and time again_

_Younger now than we were before_

_Don't let me go_

_Don't let me go_

_Don't let me go_

_We're pulling apart and coming together again and again…_

_The Fray, _Never Say Never

Heero was the type of soldier – and the type of person – who was constantly aware of his surroundings, always knowing exactly where his body was in time and space without having to so much look at a clock. But once he guided his shuttle into the space port on L1, he allowed his mind and body to go on autopilot. Somehow he found himself back at the hotel where the ESUN conference was taking place without remembering quite how he got there. He knew he hadn't been hypnotized or brainwashed and told to go to his "happy place"— an unfortunately necessary part of his brutal training that bordered on torture when he was just a small child. But after allowing the Zero System to infiltrate his thoughts back on the Aventinus hours ago, Heero couldn't help but be reminded of the techniques that had been used on him to make him into the Perfect Soldier. It had been hours since his reunion with Zero, and Heero was still trying to shake off its effects.

He forced his still hazy mind to focus. He remembered Relena's itinerary and knew that there was a banquet being held that night to kick off the first official day of the conference. Relena would have spent most of the day in meetings. Tomorrow she was to give a speech and attend some press conference and PR thing— what it was exactly, he couldn't remember, but it was probably just the usual political spiel.

Heero encountered some difficulty making his way to the banquet hall. Security had been tightened, probably in light of his absence, and it took several forms of identification to prove that he was, in fact, who he said he was. He tried not to let that bother him as he entered the hall and began scanning the room for Relena.

Soft piano music mingled with the din of delegates and press people laughing and chattering along with the clinking of champagne glasses and silverware. Heero zeroed in on Relena, who was sitting at the end of a long table flanked by Quatre and Trowa. It reminded Heero of how he found Relena on her twenty-first birthday, which already felt like ages ago. And while years had not passed since they were last together – in fact, it had been less than 24 hours – Heero felt like he had already lived several lifetimes since he saw her last. Since Zero had taken him through several scenarios in only seconds, it certainly felt as though he had.

He wasted no time making his way toward her, stopping just short of running so as not to attract too much attention; the last thing he needed was security interfering with his agenda. He stopped right behind Relena, breathing hard. Her strapless dress and updo showed off her bare back and shoulders, which he couldn't help but notice. Those shoulders arched as soon as he was behind her, as if she sensed him there. Relena whirled around in her seat.

"Heero?" She sounded bewildered. "What are you doing here? I thought you left. Trowa—"

"I'm back," Heero interrupted curtly. "We need to talk."

She just gaped up at him for a beat before turning her back to him again. "Not now, Heero. I'm busy."

He tried not to get aggravated at her, since she had no idea what he was about to tell her. He was sure that soon, she would feel differently. He cleared his throat but she had gone back to talking to the other delegates seated with her.

Quatre gave Heero a sympathetic smile. "Why don't you join us, Heero? I could find you a chair…"

He shook his head. "I need to talk to Relena. Alone. It's urgent."

Relena waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until after dinner. Which you're interrupting," she added icily under her breath. Heero of course heard her.

"And you're frustrating the hell out of me." He realized too late that he'd spoken the words out loud. But he wouldn't apologize or take it back—and his statement seemed to do the trick. He watched Relena stiffen, then relent, rising to her feet. He knew she couldn't stand the embarrassment of having an argument in front of her fellow world leaders. She would bite her tongue and go along with him, if only for the sake of keeping up appearances.

And so she extended her arm to Heero, even gave him a slight smile. He took her arm in his and escorted her out of the room.

"I'll see you all later," she called to the other politicians over her shoulder. As soon as she and Heero left the room, him steering her toward the elevator, she dropped his arm and hissed, "What is this about?"

He ignored her irritation as he punched in the floor they were staying on. "We'll discuss it in private."

She released an exasperated sigh. "I really don't want to do this again, Heero. I thought we were going to put our differences aside for the time being, so I could focus on this conference. And you were going to take some much-needed time off and rest, remember? I thought you left hours ago."

"I did," he answered flatly. "I met up with Une on Aventinus. I…" Heero's dark eyes darted around furtively. "I really can't talk about this now. Let's go somewhere."

Relena raised an eyebrow. "Where? I thought we were going back to the room…"

"We were. But this place makes me nervous. I don't trust it." Heero thought of the very real possibility that their conversation could be bugged. Relena touched his arm, cutting through his rapid-fire thoughts.

"You already checked our room when we first got here, remember? You said it was all clear." Heero felt his heart rate slow down, just a little. She was right. And he could always check it again. Besides, he didn't know where they could go at the late hour to have a private conversation. The only place he would feel truly safe would be his shuttle, or perhaps on the Aventinus, and he knew Relena wouldn't agree to leave the colony— not yet.

She seemed less annoyed with Heero as they walked down the hall together toward their room; her initial annoyance had seemingly been replaced by concern. She cast a few sidelong glances at him as they walked.

"Is… everything all right?" she asked, her voice slightly shaking, although he recognized the tone she used when she was trying to remain calm.

"No," he answered. He could see her eyes widen as he scanned his key card and opened the hotel room door. Relena staggered forward silently and he locked the door behind them. He took a few moments inspecting the room once more before coming back to where Relena stood, completely still. Her face held a vacant expression, as if she were bracing herself for bad news.

"Is it… it my brother?" she whispered. "Have you heard something? Has Une? Is that why—"

Heero took both of her hands in his to refocus her attention. "It's not Zechs. Zechs is fine, as far as I know. Noin, too," he added quickly, and the worried look faded from Relena's face. She let out a labored sigh.

"Then what is it? Judging from that wild look in your eyes, it seems serious." She gazed at him quizzically. "Something happened to you; I can tell. What was it?"

Heero dropped her hands and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly noticing how stiff and sore he felt. He also realized that he had no idea where to begin. How to succinctly tell Relena about everything he saw? What if she just thought he was crazy?

She seemed to read his thoughts again, and whispered, "Just start from the top, Heero. Tell me everything."

She was inside his head; he still didn't know how she did that. As a perfect soldier, he was not supposed to be so easy to read. Either she could see right through his stoic façade, or he had gotten into the habit of dropping his guard around her. It didn't matter anymore— he had become a knight without armor, humbled before his queen. He walked over to one of the couches in the suite's common area and sank into it; she followed suit and plopped down beside him.

He rubbed his eyes wearily before launching into his tale. It was not an easy one to tell.

"Like I said earlier," he began. "I went to see Une on Aventinus. She said she had data that I should see."

"Of what?" Relena interjected, her interest obviously piqued.

"I'm getting to that," he continued, realizing that it was going to take a long time for him to get the story out. "First, you should know that the Preventers have been working to un-encrypt data that was found among Treize's possessions…"

Relena gasped, but clamped her mouth back shut without saying anything. She nodded at Heero to go on.

He almost chuckled, shaking his head. "I haven't even gotten to the good part, Relena. Anyway, it probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that Treize was some mastermind who had information on everyone involved in the Eve Wars. But his knowledge went back well before that. Une told me that this data contained information on my past— my biological parents. My real name."

Relena's eyes grew wider as she listened, hanging on every word.

"I should preface this by telling you that last night, when I was out looking for you, I encountered a woman who said I look like her son, who went missing. She thinks she could be my birth mother."

Now Relena couldn't help but speak, releasing a flurry of questions. "Heero, are you serious? What happened? Who is she? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't get a chance to tell you. We… had other things we were discussing. Remember?" Heero said pointedly. Relena lowered her eyes, likely embarrassed that they had been caught up in a superficial argument while Heero was dealing with a personal crisis— finding potential answers to questions he had been asking his entire life.

"I'm sorry," Relena whispered, touching his arm again. "Tell me now."

Heero took hold of her hand and laced their fingers together. Relena didn't seem to mind. He drew some comfort from the contact, took a deep breath and told her of his brief meeting with Misaki. And how, when he told Une that he had a "family matter" to attend to, she had invited him onboard the Aventinus. He briefly explained the computer system the Preventers had acquired, which was basically the Zero System 2.0, and how it showed Heero glimpses of the past and future. He tried to explain this with as little preamble as possible; he had told Relena about the Zero System before.

"I learned," Heero said slowly, "that this woman in the café isn't my birth mother. She couldn't be. My birth mother's name was Aoi Clark. That was her married name, but her husband wasn't my father. My father was Odin Lowe."

He said it so casually, and yet Relena gasped. He knew she recognized his father's name from the little he had told her about his childhood, or what he could remember of it.

"So… your name really is 'Odin Lowe Junior,' then?" Relena whispered. Heero stroked her hand with his thumb.

"No. He and my mother never married, and had broken up before she gave birth to me. I don't think he knew about me; not at first. She married a man named Seis Clark. Then they were killed, and Odin came back for me. Took me under his wing." Heero laughed drily. "He called me 'Junior' as a joke. I doubt he knew I was really his son; I think he just thought I was his ex-girlfriend's kid, so he felt somewhat obligated to look after me." Heero shrugged. "It's confusing. And it gets more complicated…"

Relena sucked in a breath, waiting for him to go on.

Heero realized that, from Relena's perspective, he had probably come to the most relevant part. He paused before delivering his revelation.

"My name is Heero Yuy."

Relena titled her head at him quizzically. "But…"

He repeated it, feeling a thrill he didn't quite yet understand. "My _name_," he added the emphasis, "is Heero Yuy."

She shook her head. "I don't understand… Your mother's name was Clark; your father's name was Lowe…"

"Apparently I was named after the colonial leader, Heero Yuy. And that's where Zero seems to have a glitch— it didn't tell me what, if any, relationship I have to the original Heero Yuy. But I can infer from other things I saw that he was either my grandfather or great uncle. Which would make Treize my cousin, or something."

"Treize… was related to Heero Yuy, too?" Relena looked confused, trying to piece it all together.

"I'm not sure, but it appears that way. What's more," Heero lowered his voice. "My father – Odin – is the assassin who killed Heero Yuy."

Relena bolted up straight in her seat. "That can't be."

"Yeah." Heero didn't know what else to say about it; despite the fact that he was talking about his own kin, it didn't seem real to him. They could have been talking about anyone.

"I saw it happen," Heero continued in a cold, detached manner. "Zero showed me, so I know it was Odin." He shrugged. "It's a page in a history book now."

Relena shook her head, still stunned.

"I saw some of your family members as well," he continued. Relena looked back up at him, intrigued. "Your grandmother apparently had a relationship with Heero Yuy. They were involved, I don't know for how long. It doesn't appear that they ever married. Otherwise you and I would be related, too."

Relena's mouth dropped open; her cheeks flushed. "I…" she whispered.

Heero couldn't help but smirk. "I don't care if you're my cousin. Aren't royal lines always incestuous?"

Relena gasped and swatted him on the arm. "Heero!"

"Relax," he said, taking hold of her other hand. "We're not related. I was teasing. Also, your grandmother piloted a mobile suit. I thought you might want to know that."

"Really?" Relena's eyes shone. "That's incredible. I know so little about my grandmother, or most of my family, actually. I would love to find out more…" Her voice trailed off and she regarded Heero curiously.

"Heero, so far the things you're telling me… while I understand the importance of this information… why the urgency? You rushed all the way back here from the Aventinus to tell me about this? And why would you even want to tell me, after the fight we had earlier?"

"That's only part of what I needed to tell you," Heero answered, "so you would understand the rest. I told you Zero can show you the past; it can also show you the future. Possible futures."

Relena nodded. "So I've heard. Well… what did you see?"

This was the part he was dreading; the words struggled to escape his lips. But little by little, the story tumbled out. It was beyond his control. His mouth managed to form words and lace together the images he had seen. Relena's eyes kept widening, blinking madly as Heero painted pictures with his words. And the pictures were far from pretty.

"I saw your death," he said at last. His mouth felt dry. "I'm going to do my utmost to prevent it, which is why I'm here."

Relena squirmed uneasily. "What is it? You can tell me."

Heero paused. His hands and hers were still joined; he took the opportunity to pull her into his arms. She didn't resist him, but rested her head on his shoulder, tilting her face so that she was looking up at him.

"Heero, what is it?" she repeated. "Tell me."

Her voice sounded far away to him as he felt swept up in the image once more.

"A virus," he choked. "That's how it starts. You're going to be injected with it, along with millions of people. Then you're assassinated. A… a bomb," he managed, his stomach sick over the gruesome image. "And those millions die with you. You're the trigger to unleashing the virus on the populace, somehow. I don't fully understand the technology, but it's a method of biochemical warfare that's been developed over the past few decades. All told, one billion people will die as a result." He squeezed Relena tightly against his chest. "One billion… and one."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Heero ran a hand through Relena's long hair, something he secretly cherished doing. He wanted to enjoy the simple action while he had the chance.

"How can this be?" Relena finally whispered. "I don't see how it's possible."

"I don't know. But I'm going to find out. And I'll make sure that nothing like this can ever happen. Not to you," he growled, resolute.

Relena sat up, breaking their contact. "You said the Zero System shows you possible futures, Heero, right?"

"Yeah…" he answered slowly.

"So, it's possible that this won't happen at all?"

Heero scratched the back of his head. "It's possible. But if no one does anything to change the outcome, then, no. Which is why I need to do something."

"Hmm." Relena's eyebrows knit together as she contemplated something. "Has anyone verified the accuracy of this Zero System?"

Heero frowned. "What are you getting at, Relena? You don't think any of this is true?"

"I'm not saying _any_, Heero, just maybe not all of it. I mean, we have to consider that it could be false information. A mirage. Maybe the system made you hallucinate. You did tell me that people went crazy from the Zero System before."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "So you think I'm crazy now?"

"No," Relena placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not you. But maybe this machine, or whatever it is, had a hallucinogenic effect on you. I—"

"I've had every hallucinogen in existence, Relena," Heero cut her off. "I've been drugged, brainwashed, hypnotized, you name it. This is not the same thing, trust me."

"I'm sorry. I know this is emotional for you, Heero. I just… I can't believe things could happen like that."

"You doubt the Zero System, which is known for its flawless battle calculations," Heero spat. "A marvel of modern science and technology. But if this came to you from some deity in a vision or whatever, would you doubt the veracity of it then?"

Relena's shoulders sagged. "I don't know. I've never experienced anything like that. Please understand; it's difficult to take all of this. Maybe I just need to see it."

"We'll head to the Aventinus first thing tomorrow. You can see for yourself."

Relena shook her head. "I can't tomorrow. I've got a full schedule— I can't slip away so easily."

Heero's mind clicked over to Relena's schedule, the itinerary he'd memorized. Delegate breakfast; advisory meeting; budget hearing; lunch; press conference; photo op. And that's when it hit him— something he'd been trying to think of earlier. The press conference. Relena was going to answer questions about a new vaccine. So far the information had been classified; they had nicknamed it "Project Aurora." Its less flowery name was the PPP vaccine.

Heero's heart slammed into his stomach.

Then, Relena was going to do a photo op— as the first person to take the vaccine.

Unless he stopped her.

He gripped Relena's shoulders suddenly, desperate to hold onto her.

"What is it now?" she gasped at his sudden change in demeanor.

"Change of plans," he said gruffly.

"Heero—" Relena tried to wriggle out of his grasp but couldn't. "Don't be ridiculous. I have work to do… I _need_ to be here."

"You need to cancel your photo op." He glowered at her, trying to communicate with his eyes. _Please don't do this, Relena. _

"Now you're just jumping to conclusions," Relena said in her "trying to stay calm" voice. "You're saying this vaccine is the same as the virus? That's quite a leap in logic, don't you think? I'm sure it's just a coincidence."

Heero shook his head firmly. "I know they're the same thing— Une told me. She knows all about it."

Relena looked surprised. "Une?"

"You can ask her to elaborate if you don't believe me. Just do me this one favor, Relena." He tightened his hold on her. "Don't take the vaccine— not yet."

"But Heero, people are depending on me," Relena sputtered, growing visibly emotional.

"Don't you get it? People will die," Heero said harshly. "_You'll_ die. You're not seeing the big picture."

"You have to understand how hard all of this is to believe. And your behavior has been quite erratic over the past few days. I mean," Relena continued gently, "you haven't been sleeping or taking care of yourself. I saw the mess you made this morning, breaking the bathroom mirror… And the way you ran around after me all night, driving yourself crazy with unnecessary anxiety…" She lowered her eyes. "The way… the way you almost made love to me, but then told me you _didn't_ love me at all…"

"I shouldn't have done that," he stammered. "I'm sorry. I… I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, Relena. But give me a chance to explain."

"What more is there to explain?" she sighed. Relena tried to reach for him, despite his hold on her shoulders. He relaxed his grip a little, expecting her to back away, but she moved closer into his arms.

"Looks like we still have a lot of things to sort out," she murmured into his chest.

"_Hn."_ He breathed in the floral scent of her hair.

"But not tonight." She jabbed a finger into his chest. "You need to sleep. And so do I. We're not going to get into all of this, all over again. We'll be going around in circles all night."

He couldn't disagree with her. His body and mind were shattered. For now he focused on holding her; at least she let him do that.

"Come on." Relena untangled herself from his grasp and rose to her feet. She held out her hand, which he took without question. She led him toward her bedroom.

Now he was awake.

"What are you doing?" he stopped at her door.

"Trowa's staying here tonight, remember? I gave him your room; I didn't know you'd be back so soon. So you can stay with me. On one condition," she held up a finger.

Heero's mind spun. "What?"

"You keep your hands to yourself. And stay on your side of the bed. You're on probation."

She flounced into her room and flicked on the bedside lamp, then rummaged through her suitcase before pulling out a nightgown. She padded over to the bathroom to change.

Heero just gaped after her. "I thought I was fired?"

"You are," she called from the bathroom. It sounded like she was brushing her teeth. "This is relationship probation," she continued. "Not _professional_ probation. Professionally, you're still fired."

"What the hell does that mean?" Heero went back to the common area to retrieve his duffel bag. He yanked off his Preventer uniform and changed into a pair of gray pajama pants and a worn white t-shirt. He grabbed his toothbrush and waited by the bathroom door.

"It means no sex," Relena answered, emerging from the bathroom in her pink silk chemise, which hugged her every curve. "No nothing. Not until we sort things out."

Heero watched her saunter over to the bed. "So you wore that," he muttered. "Figures." He went to the bathroom sink to brush his teeth, muttering curses on the way. He finished, switched off the light, and slowly climbed into bed next to Relena, despite his puzzlement over the entire situation.

"So what do I need to do to get my job back?" he asked her in the darkness. He was hyper-aware of her presence, her warm body, only inches away from him. It was maddening.

"Honestly, I don't know if I want to hire you back, Heero." Her soft voice held a teasing lilt. "You're quite insubordinate. Not to mention you tried to seduce your boss. I ought to report you to HR."

"Fine," Heero glowered. "I don't think I want to work for you ever again, anyway."

"Oh, really?"

"No. You said it yourself— our working together is far too inappropriate. I don't want you suing me for sexual harassment."

Relena giggled.

"And if this is a relationship, as you suggested, then that would mean we both have a major conflict of interest," he added, inching just a little closer to her. "So if you hadn't fired me, I'd have no choice but to resign."

"Heero." She whispered his name. Even in the darkness he knew she was looking right at him, her lips mere inches from his. He moved his face closer.

"Relena," he began. "I…"

He felt her finger on his lips. "Not so fast," she scolded. "Probation means probation, Heero Yuy."

His heartbeat quickened when she spoke his full name; his _real_ name. Now that he knew it was his, it finally meant something to him. "Say that again," he whispered urgently.

"Probation?"

"No— say… Say my name."

Relena was quiet for a moment. Then he felt her wrap her arms around his neck in a tight squeeze. His arms did the rest, enveloping her in his strong embrace. He didn't want to ever let her go.

She was waiting for the right moment to say it, he realized. She must have realized the weight of those two simple words. All this time, he had been her "hero," she had said. She had told him in the past that it didn't matter what his given name was; he would always be "Heero" to her. Now she knew that she would never have to call him anything different. He had heard her speak his name far more frequently than anyone else; to others, he was often someone else entirely, still using codenames. But she had never known him as anything, or anyone, else.

Relena's face was buried in his shoulder as they held one another tightly. But at last she lifted her head so that they were face to face. She leaned her forehead against his, their noses touching. He could feel her heartbeat, her every breath.

She whispered before finally pressing her lips against his. _"Heero Yuy."_

It took all of Heero's self-control not to deepen the kiss much more. He had to keep a tight lid on his desires in order to comply with her request. He broke away from her before his hands – and the rest of his body – could start acting of their own accord.

"Now what was that other thing you said, about probation?" he smirked.

She reached up to ruffle his unruly hair. "_You're _on probation," she teased. "I'm not."

"That hardly seems fair," he growled, snatching her by the waist and pulling her against him once more.

She squealed and tried to break free. "I think it's fair, considering all you've put me through these past few days. So, I get to set the pace now."

"You're still my boss, then," Heero teased. "Is this some legal loophole that I don't know about?"

"No…" she started to say, but he was kissing her neck. "Stop it," she said breathlessly. "You don't get to be off the hook that easily."

"Sorry," he said, summoning a mighty effort to back away. "I can't help it."

"I'm not helping either, I know." Relena fell back against her pillows. "But the truth is, I'm still confused about… whatever is going on between us. I just didn't want to discuss it tonight, not when neither one of us has had a good night's sleep in days, and neither of us is thinking rationally, not to mention everything you're dealing with, and…"

"I love you."

Even Heero was surprised as the words escaped his lips. They'd been held inside for far too long. Between their explosive exchange last night, their bitter argument the following morning, and his revelation on the Aventinus, Heero had planned to say the words eventually. But he was hoping the right moment would present itself. He realized as he said it that this was probably not that moment.

Silence hung in the air between them for what felt like several minutes. Heero couldn't bring himself to say anything more.

Instead, he reached out tentatively and touched Relena's shoulder, mesmerized by the softness of her skin. His touch seemed to shake her out of a daze.

"Heero…" she whispered. "I don't know."

"What?" he murmured, caressing her shoulder. She sighed.

"I want to just let go of all of this anxiety, these fears and hurt feelings," she whispered sadly. "But I don't know if I can. It's just… it's too much, Heero. I don't know if my heart can bear it."

He felt a weight crushing his soul, but didn't want to say anything else. He had done irreparable damage to their relationship, he knew. He wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

"But you already know that I love you," she added softy. "I still do. Nothing you could ever say or do could change how I feel."

That was enough for him. He trailed his fingers down her shoulder, grazing the rest of her arm until his hand reached hers. She in turn gave his hand a squeeze.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. It seemed to be the right thing to say, given his behavior over the past few days. "Let me start over."

"I am letting you," she said, her tone rising to a teasing lilt again. "That's why I haven't kicked you out yet."

He wrapped his arms around her slender waist, encircling her from behind. "I'll try not to disappoint you," he spoke softly into her ear.

"And I'm holding you to that." She turned her head toward his, and he took the opportunity to kiss her lips.

"There's no one else," he said abruptly as he ended their kiss. "There's never been anyone. The things I said last night—"

Relena shook her head fervently. "It's all right, Heero, you don't have to do this…"

"I need you to know," he interjected. "I did lie to you, about my… experience, and I'm sorry; you were right about my reasons for lying, too. Trying to protect you from me. But I didn't want to hurt you."

"Stop," she whispered. "We don't have to discuss this now. Maybe someday, if you really want to. I think _you_ need to know that I don't care."

"What?" Confusion clouded his thoughts.

"I don't care if there was ever anyone else; you're human, too, Heero. I only care about what happens now. And moving forward." She kissed him in reassurance. "I trust you. I believe in you. That's all that matters."

"Relena…"

"You're my only one, Heero. You always will be."

He tightened his embrace. "And you're mine."

She sighed happily. "All right. I think we can go to sleep now."

"_Hn,"_ came his response. Heero was fine with that; finally, he felt at peace. He shut his eyes, still holding Relena close, and prepared to drift off to sleep.

"Heero?" Relena sat up suddenly, her voice sounding worried.

"Yeah?"

"For the record…" she paused. "You… you really are a virgin?"

Heero would have laughed if he thought it was remotely funny. She couldn't tell?

"Yeah," he answered flatly.

"Good." Relena sighed and settled back against him, humming softly as she made herself comfortable. "Well, goodnight."

Heero got the sense that his troubles were just beginning. _"Hn,"_ he glowered. "Goodnight."

**A/N:**

This was a long one! Whew! I thought seriously about splitting this chapter in two, but didn't want to deprive you, dear readers. You've waited long enough. This might seem like a good place to end the story… but it's not! Still a few loose ends to tie up. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	14. No More to Hide

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**No More to Hide **

_Prepare your things, dissolve your mind  
'Cause I'm your consort beautiful queen  
Of seventeen  
A blood red moon has spared our bed  
But not your rivals, beautiful queen  
Prepare to reign  
No more to hide _

_With I your faithful consort by your side  
Let streamers fly and cannons roar  
On your arrival, beautiful queen  
Tomorrow night, prepare to walk  
On anyone her highness ever wants  
Entrust in me  
You're not alone  
Together we'll wreak havoc on the throne  
Entrust in me  
You're not alone_

_Together we'll wreak havoc, you and me_

_Together we'll wreak havoc, you and me_

_Rufus Wainwright, _The Consort

Heero awoke feeling more rested than he had in a long time. Usually his frantic mind kept him awake well into the night, but last night his worn body allowed sleep to overtake him shortly after his head hit the pillow. He enjoyed an uninterrupted, dreamless sleep and woke up feeling, for once, that all was right in his world. He suspected falling asleep next to Relena had something to do with that.

Heero took a moment to study his companion as she continued to slumber. Some of her blond hair was swept over one side of her face, the rest fanned out around her pillow. She was curled up on one side, facing him. One strap of her chemise had slipped off her shoulder, revealing a white bra strap. The sight of this tantalized Heero, and he longed to touch her but didn't want to disturb her sleep. He knew how badly she needed rest. He laid there simply gazing at her for a while until one of her eyes, then the other, fluttered open. She stared at him bleary-eyed for a moment before breaking into a warm smile.

"Heero," she whispered. He said nothing but stroked her cheek, pushing a few wisps of hair off her face. She closed her eyes again for a minute, as if she could drift right back to sleep.

Heero thought of how lucky he was that Relena had forgiven the many stupid atrocities he had committed over the past few days— and years, for that matter. As difficult as it had been for him to reconcile his own feelings, he knew that he was grateful to be accepted back into her life, in whatever capacity she would allow him. He was touched by her kindness, understanding and trust.

He pulled her toward him and kissed her fully on the lips. _Now_ she was awake. She raked her fingers through his unruly hair as she kissed him back.

There was a mound of blankets in between them that Heero planned to eradicate. He was about to yank them down and pull her closer when Relena broke away. She smiled at him again and asked how he'd slept.

Chitchatting was never Heero's favorite activity under most circumstances, but especially first thing in the morning. He decided he had better answer her anyway.

"Fine," he mumbled, annoyed at himself for letting her get away. "You?"

"I slept well," Relena answered, stretching her arms. She didn't continue the conversation; just kept smiling at him. As endearing as it was, it started to irk him.

"What is it?" Heero finally asked.

"Nothing," Relena murmured. "I'm just happy you're here with me."

"Yeah." Heero tipped her chin up with his thumb. "Me, too. Now come here."

He reached for her again, but Relena swatted at him playfully.

"Not now, Heero. I have to get up and get ready."

Heero frowned. "We talked about this— you can't go today."

Relena sighed. "What am I supposed to do, call in sick? This is a conference, not a typical work day; I don't have much flexibility here. I can see what can be done about postponing the vaccine demo until we have more information, but other than that…" her voice trailed off, and she sighed again. "There's still more work to be done. I can't just stay in bed all day... much as I'd like to." She leveled him with a saucy smile.

"Why not?" Heero challenged her, deciding that stalling for time was his best tactic. "You should at least rest a little longer. For your health," he added with a smirk.

"I don't know, Heero," Relena scolded, albeit with a playful glint in her eyes. "Let me see…" She reached for her phone on the adjacent nightstand. "We woke up a little ahead of my alarm. I've got another twenty minutes." She shot Heero a meaningful look.

He took that as consent. "Give me five," he growled.

In a single violent motion, he kicked the covers off and pulled Relena on top of him. She gasped at first but was kissing him again within seconds, and seemed all too eager to assist him with pulling off his shirt.

He let go of her waist to remove his pajama pants, revealing his black boxers. He then sat up straight, bringing Relena upright with him. She wrapped her legs around his middle. He reached his hands under her slip and began to pull it up, but Relena pushed his hands back down.

"Wait," she whispered. He stopped kissing her to look into her eyes.

"Relena…" he murmured, touching her face again, encouraging her to look right at him. "It's all right."

She lowered her eyes. "Heero, I don't know…"

"What are you afraid of?" He followed her gaze, hoping she would look back up at him.

"I'm not afraid. I'm nervous."

"Why?"

"I just…" Relena blushed. "I don't know if I'm ready for all of this. I thought I was," she said by way of apology.

Heero shook his head to let her know that he didn't expect anything from her. "Don't worry about it. We don't have to do… _that_. Not yet." He rubbed her back as soothingly as he could. "I want you to feel comfortable."

"I do," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Maybe even too comfortable," she added, smiling wryly. "I remember we were like this once before, a few years ago… Do you remember?"

"Of course," Heero grunted. "_Somehow_ I got locked out of your house," he continued sarcastically. "So I had to sneak in through your bedroom window. We ended up on your bed, just like this, and then…"

"And then…" Relena prodded him.

Heero grimaced. "Zechs happened."

Relena dissolved into giggles.

Heero winced. "I'm glad you find my pain so amusing."

"Sorry," Relena said between giggles. "I don't. It's just, the look on Milliardo's face… Oh, goodness…" She clutched at her stomach.

"That's why we never wound up in that position again. Until now," Heero said huskily. "Except this time, no one's here to interrupt. So, if you don't mind…" Heero looked at her as tenderly as he knew how. "You can stop me any time," he added. "It's just… I… I enjoy finally getting to be so close to you, Relena." He leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers. "It took so long for me to let you in. And then I didn't think you'd ever let me in, again. And now…"

The scarlet flush on Relena's cheeks deepened. "I know. I didn't expect to get so shy about this, Heero, when you know how much I… want you."

Heero gave her a half smile. "Uh-huh."

Relena took a deep breath as she gazed straight into his eyes. "I've never wanted anyone so much."

She surprised Heero then by lifting her arms up, looking at him expectantly. The way a princess would expect to be undressed, he supposed. He chuckled under his breath as he pulled the silky fabric over her head and tossed the slip out of the way.

Heero paused to take in her nearly-naked form before pulling her closer against him. He didn't want to stare too long and embarrass her any further. He resisted the urge to tear off her undergarments then and there and concentrated instead on kissing her lips, neck and collarbone. Relena moaned softly as his lips and hands trailed down her chest.

Heero impatiently yanked down one of her bra straps so that it hung off of her shoulder. Relena guided his hand to her back, and started to unclasp the bra herself. Heero growled. What did she take him for, an amateur? Just because he was a virgin didn't mean he couldn't work out how to unhook a bra clasp.

Heero fumbled with it for a minute while Relena giggled.

"Heero…"

"I've got it," he muttered. "Stupid… thing."

He was about to just rip the flimsy garment off when Relena's phone rang out in a peel of bells. She whirled her head toward her nightstand.

"Your alarm," Heero pointed out. He commenced operation lingerie removal.

"No, it's not time yet. That's a video message." Relena lunged for her phone. "I have to get that. Give me your shirt, quick!"

Heero noticed that his shirt was closer to them than her slip, which he'd flung halfway across the room. Grumbling, he grabbed the shirt off he floor and tossed it to her. Relena quickly pulled it over her head, just in time to grab the call.

"Milliardo!" she gasped breathlessly. "Hi!"

_Great,_ Heero thought. A dead giveaway that something was going on— something her big brother would not approve of. The last thing Heero needed was for his former archenemy to decide that he needed another pounding to remind him that "Princess Peacecraft" was off-limits. _Once again… Zechs happens. _

"Relena, are you all right?" came Milliardo's voice, tinny through the phone. "Did I wake you?"

"Uh, no, not at all!" Relena tried to sound cheerful. "Just… getting ready for work. How are you? How's Noin?"

"We're both fine. Working hard. Where's Heero?" Zechs cut right to the chase. He obviously didn't care to know _how_ Heero was doing.

"He's, well, he's…" Relena sounded sheepish. She had been caught.

"Where are you right now?" Her brother demanded. "That doesn't look like your bedroom."

"No, I'm in a hotel on L1, at a conference for ESUN…" Relena started to explain.

"Let me see your room," Zechs growled. "Pan around."

"Milliardo," Relena scolded. "Stop being so bossy. And nosy."

"If no one else is there, let me see," Zechs continued unabashedly. "I told Yuy I'd kill him if he ever tried anything again. I'm not kidding around, Yuy. Show yourself."

Heero rolled his eyes. Zechs was being ridiculous when it came to Relena, as usual. "I'm over here, Zechs," he betrayed himself.

"What?" Zechs seethed. "You lied to me, Relena."

"I didn't say anything, so calm down," Relena cried.

"Cut the crap, Zechs," Heero glowered.

"Give Yuy the phone," Zechs barked.

Heero snatched it out of Relena's hand himself. "What do you want?"

Zechs scowled at Heero through the phone upon seeing him shirtless. "I don't like the looks of this, Yuy. Not one bit."

"Yes, Zechs, I can confirm that it's exactly what it looks like." Heero said mechanically before breaking into a wicked smile.

"Heero!" Relena gasped. "Stop it." She tried to smack his arm but he dodged her attempt.

"I don't appreciate your manhandling my sister," Zechs continued to glare.

"I don't appreciate your interrupting," Heero growled. "Again."

"Ok, you two, that's enough," an exasperated Relena tried to cut in. "Can't you both be mature about this?"

Heero and Zechs stared one another down through the phone.

"No," both responded in unison.

Just as Relena and Quatre giggled like grade school children when they got together, Heero and Zechs often reverted to a "bullies on the schoolyard" manner of behavior toward one another. It seemed some old rivalries died hard. And whenever Zechs got into his extreme overprotective mode toward Relena, Heero couldn't resist taunting him a bit.

"Milliardo!" Relena leaned over Heero's shoulder to address Zechs on the phone. "I'm a grown woman and I choose to be with Heero, and you're just going to have to accept that. And Heero." She turned her face to look at him. "Stop goading my brother," she admonished. "Understood?"

"Yes," they both muttered.

"Good," she smiled, satisfied. "Now how about a status update?"

Heero excused himself as brother and sister caught up with one another. He pulled his pajama bottoms back on in case he might encounter Trowa in the common area. Heero hadn't heard any stirrings yet from the other room, but then Trowa was adept at making himself scarce. Heero went into the kitchenette and started brewing a pot of coffee and boiling water for tea. He grabbed his duffel bag and headed to the bathroom to shower when he bypassed Relena's room and overheard something about the Zero System. Heero popped his head back in the room.

Relena turned and called to him over her shoulder. "Heero, come tell Zechs what you saw yesterday." Heero obeyed, sat down beside Relena, and proceeded to give Zechs a brief rundown.

Zechs scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Interesting, Yuy. I didn't even know that Preventer had obtained a replica of the Zero System."

"It's not the same Zero we used," said Heero. "It's definitely an upgrade. And less concerned with piloting battle tactics than personal memories and glimpses of the future. Une calls it a kind of 'crystal ball.'"

"I see." Zechs paused, then called something to Noin off-screen. "By our calculations, we're not that far from the Aventinus now. We're confirming the coordinates."

"We could meet you there," Relena piped up. Heero shot her a questioning look. "Heero was just there yesterday." She swung her eyes over to his. "How long did it take you to get there?"

"Three, four hours," he answered slowly. Now he would have to interface with Zechs at Relena's insistence— not good. On the bright side, Relena was no longer preoccupied with work. This rendezvous would keep her away from the press conference, at least.

Relena and Zechs continued talking for a moment before ending the conversation. "It's settled, then," she said to her brother cheerfully. "See you in a few hours!"

"See you then," he responded before adding in a mocking tone, "_'Bye_, Heero."

Heero let Zechs hang up without responding himself. He shot Relena another quizzical look.

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes," she said decidedly.

"And you're fine missing out on work?"

"Completely. This is my brother we're talking about. And Noin— I haven't seen them in months." She reached out to stroke Heero's shoulder. "You're not mad, are you?"

"No." He shook his head. "I just wish you'd been more willing to blow off work for my sake. But I'll swallow my pride this time." He gave her a slight smile. "Now give me back my shirt."

"No way." Relena tugged at the hem. "I'm keeping this one."

"Fine." Heero looked her up and down. "It looks better on you anyway."

"Thank you." Relena beamed at him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I should go get ready. Unless you want the shower first?"

"Why take turns?" Heero teased. He knew what Relena's reaction would be, but still enjoyed watching the crimson creep up her neck.

"Heero!" she gasped. "We're not quite _there_ yet." She cleared her throat delicately.

"I know." He tugged on a strand of her hair. "Relax. I'm going to down some coffee."

Relena giggled. "Ok. Enjoy. Oh, and can you put the kettle on for me?"

"Already done."

"Oh, wow." She looked at him as though he had brought her the moon. She gave his arm an affectionate squeeze. Heero just nodded and turned to leave, giving her some privacy.

"Heero?"

He turned back to look at her.

She smiled at him bashfully. "It feels like things are getting back to normal, huh?"

He returned her smile. "Better than normal."

Relena broke into a full grin, then turned her heel and practically pranced away.

Heero chuckled to himself and left the room. As he headed back to the kitchenette, he saw Trowa exiting his bedroom. The brown-haired Preventer was wearing a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Heero just gaped at him. Trowa stared back, unblinking, before taking the headphones off.

"Is it safe to come out now?" Trowa asked. His tone of voice held no humor.

"Uh-huh." Heero turned his attention to the coffee pot.

"I trust you and Relena worked out your differences, then?"

"Yup." Heero was in no mood to discuss his deeper feelings for Relena, nor what had occurred in the bedroom earlier.

Trowa appeared to breathe a sigh of relief. "Glad that's all over."

Heero all but rolled his eyes at his fellow former pilot. "Why didn't you just stay with Quatre last night? You knew Relena would be fine with me here."

"I can tell she's fine, all right," Trowa said flatly. "But I go where I'm assigned."

"I guess I would, too, if I were you," Heero relented. "But I'd also get a higher-quality brand of headphones; that kind doesn't work very well."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Heero shot him a steely gaze. "What did you hear?"

"…Enough," Trowa answered slowly. "Anyway, I trust that you've got everything, uh, under control. I'm going to go see what Quatre's up to."

"Actually, Relena and I are heading to the Aventinus this morning. You can ride back with us if you want."

Trowa just stared blankly at Heero before repeating, "I'm going to go see what Quatre's up to."

Heero waved his coffee mug dismissively. "Do what you want."

Trowa nodded resolutely and backed away slowly. Heero decided to ignore the other Preventer, sipping his coffee and rummaging through his duffel bag for a clean outfit. Before Trowa could leave, a knock sounded at the door. Heero snapped his head up in attention.

"I'll get it," said Trowa, since he was on his way out.

He opened the door and an excited Quatre came bounding in the room, like a blond golden retriever.

"They did not!" he exclaimed.

Trowa nodded at him. "Yeah. They did."

The two were having their own private conversation in front of Heero, as if he weren't there. Heero frowned.

"Did what?"

Quatre looked up, as if noticing Heero for the first time. He grinned and walked toward him.

"Well, way to go, Heero! I'm proud of you."

"For _what_?"

Quatre just smiled slyly. "Don't be coy, mister."

Heero furrowed his brow. "I think you're making a big assumption here. And you know what happens when you assume..."

"Yeah, we know," Trowa started. "It makes an ass—" 

"Assassination," Heero finished, glaring.

Quatre scratched the back of his head, laughing nervously. "Uh, Heero, I don't think that's quite how that goes…"

"Whatever. My point is…"

"We should get out of here before anything else happens," Trowa cut in. "Come on, Quatre. Let's go."

Quatre laughed, covering his mouth with his hand. "Ok, ok. Tell Relena we'll see her later."

"They're not coming," Trowa said flatly.

"Oh?" The blond quirked an eyebrow. Suddenly his eyes twinkled in understanding. "_Oh_…"

Heero almost smacked his palm against his head. "We have Preventer business to attend to on the Aventinus," he tried explaining. "And Relena is meeting up with Zechs."

"_Right_…" Quatre nodded knowingly at Trowa. "You two have fun. Maybe we'll see you for dinner. Or perhaps tomorrow at breakfast?" He and Trowa both started chuckling. And once Trowa going, it was hard for him to quell his laughter. He was practically convulsing.

Heero groaned. "Maybe when you two get serious, you can help me out with something."

Quatre stopped laughing and looked up at Heero abruptly. "What?"

It took Trowa a beat longer to recover. His shoulders were still shaking even as he turned back to face Heero. "Hmmph…?"

Heero took a swig of his coffee. "It will take me and Relena about four hours to reach the Aventinus. It would be helpful if you could gather some intel for us while we're traveling."

Trowa and Quatre exchanged glances.

Heero knew he had their full attention, so he forged ahead.

"Do me a favor— find out everything you can about Project Aurora. Also called the 'PPP virus.'"

Trowa's eyes flickered in recognition. "Perfect Peace People?"

"Hn." Heero recalled the group of extreme pacifists they encountered in the summer of A.C. 196. "Could be."

Quatre shook his head. "I know what you're talking about, Heero. I've seen some preliminary plans, but the project is being called the 'Perfect Peace Principle.' The group of doctors developing the vaccine just published a request for proposals for a pharmaceutical company to mass-market it. I was just reviewing a copy of the RFP and was thinking of placing a bid."

"Well, that's a start. Can you forward us the RFP?"

"Sorry, Heero." Quatre shook his head. "That's privileged information; serious bidders only."

Heero raised a skeptical brow. "Yeah, right."

Quatre grinned. "Just kidding." He took his phone out of his pocket. "Sending it now…"

Heero nodded his thanks. Then he heard the shower turn off in the bathroom and involuntarily swung his head in that direction. To his chagrin Quatre and Trowa noticed and started snickering again.

"We'd better go." Quatre smiled. "I'll be in touch if I find anything else out about PPP, ok?"

"Great," Heero responded. "And if you can do anything to stop today's press conference…"

"I'll do what I can. You two be careful." Quatre gave Heero a little wave as he and Trowa started for the door.

"Thanks." Heero cracked a smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" He picked up his clothes and headed toward the bathroom. Trowa and Quatre continued chuckling as they let themselves out.

Relena was already dressed and applying makeup when Heero cautiously entered the bathroom. She was wearing a formfitting gray sweater dress over a pair of black leggings with black knee-high boots. Her wet hair was piled on top of her head in a bun. Heero stood behind her and looked her over approvingly while she filled in her lips with a cherry red gloss. Her reflection smiled at him.

"You look ready for space travel." It was his attempt at teasing her. She stuck her tongue out at him, then closed her to dust powder all over her face with a big, fluffy brush.

"You know I like to look my best." She placed her products in a pink makeup pouch and zipped it up. "I'll go dry my hair in the other room so you can have the bathroom." She went to move past Heero, but he blocked her, placing both hands on her arms.

"Heero?" She blinked up at him, surprised by the sudden, intense look he gave her. "What is it?"

Something about the way she looked, so beautiful, so vulnerable, made him want to keep her close.

"I'll always keep you safe, Relena," he whispered urgently. "No matter what happens. And if you ever decide you no longer want me by your side, I'll still find a way to look after you. Even if you say you don't need me… Even if, for some reason, you forget about me…I'll still be there. I'll try not to get in your way, but I'll be there. Always."

Relena used her free hand to touch the side of his face, smiling warmly at him. "I know you will. I wouldn't doubt you."

He squeezed her tightly. "Consider it a reminder." He dropped his arms. Relena didn't step away, but instead leaned forward and kissed Heero on the cheek.

"I love you," she spoke softly into his ear, her breath tickling his neck. "In case you forgot."

He grabbed her again and pulled her closer. She placed her hands on his bare chest and traced around his heart.

"And I don't know what you're thinking," she murmured playfully, "because I could never forget about you. No way. Just promise that _you'll_ never forget about _me_."

"Never," he whispered huskily. He leaned his face toward hers, catching her lips with his as she titled her face upward.

He could kiss her forever, he thought, and then some. With their broken relationship becoming whole again, Heero had to wonder how he would ever get anything else done… How had he managed to live with her over the past year without doing this all day, every day? In that moment, he couldn't remember. He knew it hadn't been easy, but now, clearly, it would be impossible.

Their kiss ended when they finally had to come up for air. Relena sucked in a sharp breath. Heero licked the berry-flavored gloss off his lips. She giggled.

"Heero, aren't you hungry? I should order us some breakfast."

"Huh?" He hadn't even thought about it, but the mention of food made his stomach rumble. When was the last time he'd eaten anything, anyway? He realized it had been on the shuttle on the way to L1… two days ago. He had been too busy running around, searching for Relena, fighting with Relena, discovering links to his past and keys to the future, then, of course, making up with Relena, to have time to consume anything besides coffee.

Breakfast sounded good.

"What do you want?" Relena was striding toward the common area, where she found a room service menu in the kitchenette. "How about an omelet?" she called to Heero.

As a rule, he never ate eggs in the colonies. They were a rarity in space, and the ones that were imported and preserved tasted abominable compared to the fresh ones available on earth. Relena seemed to remember his preference just then, calling out, "They have tofu scramble."

"That's fine," Heero responded as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower.

He heard Relena ordering just as he turned on the water. He took a moment to enjoy the hot stream flowing over his taut muscles. Despite his desire to take a nice, long shower, he didn't want to leave Relena alone for long. He quickly soaped himself up and rinsed off, toweling off and dressing in a fluid manner. He left the bathroom to find Relena sitting on the couch, talking on the phone.

She was sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Anything you can do at this point would be fine," she was saying. "Mm-hm. I know. And I_ appreciate_—yes. Ok. Well, thank you for trying. Take care... 'Bye."

She set her phone down and looked up at Heero, clearly perplexed. He sank down beside her.

"Trouble with room service?" he guessed, although he knew that obviously wasn't the issue. Relena didn't laugh.

"No, I was just talking to Chris," she answered, referring to her assistant. "She's going to do her best to make excuses for me today. I told her to just say I'm not well, but she thinks we should be specific. She wants to say I have food poisoning." Relena sighed again, shaking her head. "How silly does that sound? That's not going to bode well for the hotel catering…"

Heero caressed Relena's back. "Don't worry about it. Let Chris handle it. And what about the press conference?"

"I asked her to go ahead and cancel— that's what we were just talking about, actually. If I'm not there, there really can't be one, anyway, but she's not sure she can get me out of it."

Heero's eyes narrowed to angry slits. "What do you mean, can't get you out of it? You're not going. Period."

"I know, Heero, but there are… complications…"

"No one can force you to go," he said gruffly. "By the time that conference rolls around you'll already be on a shuttle. You're not going."

Relena's eyes looked fearful. "You know how big of an organization ESUN is now, Heero. Canceling is not that simple. I have to answer to a _lot_ of people…"

Heero didn't like where this was going; not at all. Relena made it sound like there would be consequences if she failed to show up.

"What are they going to do?" he asked incredulously. "Fire you?"

Relena lowered her eyes. "Maybe. I don't really know."

"That's ridiculous. You're not getting fired." Heero leaned forward. "And if anyone threatens you—"

"I don't think things will go that far." Relena rested her hand on his knee.

"If they do… I'm ready." His eyes burned intensely at her.

"I know you are." She gave his knee a squeeze. "But it's going to be all right."

He tried to quell the sudden surge of anger he felt. "I still don't like it," he grumbled.

"Neither do I."

A knock came at the door then, the outside distraction lifting the unwelcomed tension that had arisen. Heero went over and peered through the peephole before letting in room service.

He and Relena spread their breakfast out on the coffee table. Relena arranged avocado slices on an English muffin and offered Heero the other half. In the meantime he divided a grapefruit to share. This was one of their standard morning routines; usually breakfast involved them splitting some fruit, a muffin or toast. They had been doing this every day for over a year, but today felt different somehow. Heero wondered if perhaps they never would have argued yesterday if they had just had breakfast together, like normal.

Heero caught Relena smiling at him over her grapefruit.

"What?" he asked as a smile crept over his own lips. He attempted a stern look instead. "Stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?" she asked innocently.

He took a bite of his grapefruit, keeping his gaze level with hers. "Looking at me like that."

She took a bite, too, still managing to smile playfully. "No. No way."

He gave her his best death glare. "I'm warning you." He set his plate down.

"Heero Yuy, you're just going to have get used to this, one of these days." Relena traded her grapefruit for her teacup and took a dainty sip.

"Get used to what, exactly?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You know. Being like this." She fluttered her dark lashes at him. "Sweet and romantic."

"This is romantic?" He was surprised. To him the word had always evoked roses and dancing, and him having to wear a tux.

"I think it is," she responded softly. "It's just nice… being able to sit here with you. Not having to worry about anything."

He couldn't help but frown at this. "It would be nice, if we didn't have anything to worry about. But we do."

She shook her head vehemently. "Not about us. I don't care what else is going on right now, out there—" She gestured toward the door. "That, we can deal with later. But as far as the two of us are concerned…" She set her cup on the table and reached for his hand. "There's nothing left to fear. Anything that happens, we can face together, and keep one another strong. I'll never be afraid, as long as I'm with you."

Heero took in a shallow breath. He knew that she loved him— he had always known. But to hear her, once again, proclaim her absolute faith in him… It made him all the more determined to be the man she deserved.

He gripped her hand tightly in his.

"Relena…" He moved closer toward her. "You've got to stop making speeches like that."

She frowned at him. "Why?"

"Because then I'm going to have to keep doing this."

He slipped his hands around her slender waist and kissed her. Their food was long forgotten as he lowered her onto the couch. He broke away for a moment to stare into those sky blue eyes glittering up at his.

"And then…" he murmured, pausing to kiss her throat.

"Hmmm?" Her eyes closed in utter bliss.

"Then, we're going to be very late." Heero flashed a wicked smile before reverting back to a more serious expression. His lips eagerly returned to hers. They kissed for several more minutes before either of them thought of breaking free.

Heero finally helped Relena sit back up. She eyed him coyly while smoothing her skirt. "Heero… we really should be going…"

"Five more minutes?" he teased, recalling their encounter earlier that morning. Relena laughed.

"You are dangerous, Heero Yuy. Now let's take the rest of this to-go." She began scooping their breakfasts into the containers they came in. "We've got a nice, long flight ahead of us."

Heero helped her finish packing up the food. As they worked, Relena posed a question that had been lingering in Heero's own mind, something he had placed further back in order to deal with more pressing issues. Especially that morning, when the two of them literally had some _very_ pressing issues, indeed.

"Heero," she began, "what are you going to do about that woman?"

"Huh?"

"The one in the café?"

"Oh." He shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, the case is closed on that one. She's not my mother."

"No, apparently not." Relena frowned. "But you should at least go talk to her. It's cruel to leave her hanging."

"Yeah… you're right. But I don't think we'll have time this morning. It'll have to wait till tomorrow." He lowered his eyes. "It won't be easy, though… having to let her down." He looked back up at Relena, for the first time looking worried himself. "How do you begin a conversation like that?"

Relena brushed his long bangs back, gazing at him lovingly. "Just be honest, but kind. I know you can do it… Do you want me to go with you?"

He considered this. "Hmm. Maybe. I guess we can think about it." It was odd, he realized, saying "we" so much in this context. Like they were going to start making such decisions together from now on. It felt much different than when they dated as teenagers, still learning and fumbling at love.

"Well," Relena was saying, "remember, Heero, just because you're not related by blood doesn't mean that she can't be your family."

"Hn." That struck him as odd, but he didn't say so. Relena could tell what he was thinking, anyway, however.

"I'm serious," she pressed. "I've known for years that my adoptive mother isn't my _real_ mother, but it doesn't matter at all; I still love her all the same."

"That's different. She raised you," Heero pointed out. "She's not some stranger who stopped you on the street."

"All I'm saying is that you should be open to the possibility." She squeezed Heero's arm. "You never know— the two of you could hit it off." Her eyes glimmered, swept up in the emotion. "Maybe you could bond over the fact that you've both been orphaned by the war. Sorrow and heartache often bring people together. It's all too common in this day and age, since all of us have had our lives torn asunder. In situations like these, we have no choice but to rebuild our lives… and make our own families."

Heero let her impassioned words sink in; it was a lot for him to consider. Letting some stranger act as a mother figure? It didn't sit well with his usual modus operandi of keeping people at a distance until he was undoubtedly sure he could trust them.

He took Relena's hand in his so that she would know he was listening. He stroked her individual fingers for a moment before bringing her hand to his lips.

"Heero…?" Her eyes cast a worried expression. "Did I say too much? I know you're probably not ready for all of that."

"I… I don't know," he answered slowly. "I'll have to think about it."

"Well." She smiled at him, rising to her feet. "Looks like we'll have plenty of time on our flight. Let's get going."

Relena retreated into her bedroom, emerging a moment later with her suitcase, purse and briefcase.

Heero quirked a brow. "You're bringing all that?"

She shrugged. "We could get waylaid over there and end up staying the night. Or, you know, we might just be too tired to fly back tonight. I know you went there and back in one day, but it obviously took a toll on you."

"Hn. True. Not a bad idea." Heero slung his own duffel bag over his shoulder, carrying their "takeout" in his other hand. "Let's go."

"And how do you plan to sneak me out of here?" Relena asked. "People will be looking for me, you know. And the place is littered with press."

"This way." Heero led her back into the bedroom, opening up the window to reveal the fire escape. Relena peered down at the alley way, then turned back to Heero with a skeptical expression.

"Seriously?"

"Uh-huh."

"With all this stuff?"

"That was your idea. But don't worry; I can carry it all."

Relena traded her wide-eyed expression for a grin. "Ok, Heero. This is your adventure; I'm just tagging along."

"Good. I'll go down first with all this… crap." Relena glared at him; he smirked. "Then you can follow me. Got it?"

She nodded. "Got it."

Heero completed the feat within a few minutes, managing to guide Relena safely to the ground. He then hailed a cab to the spaceport, where he would rent another civilian shuttle. Hopefully the same one he had before— he'd grown to like the controls.

Once they were secure inside the cab with their belongings, Heero snaked an arm around Relena's waist. She responded by leaning her head against his shoulder. She smiled up at him adoringly, paralyzing him with those bright blue eyes again. He immediately covered her mouth with his.

"Heero," she gasped.

He pulled back slightly. "Something the matter?"

"No, nothing." Her cheeks were turning bright red. "It's just… you've never kissed me like that in public before."

"Haven't I?" Heero twisted a strand of her hair around his finger. He didn't recall _not_ kissing her like that back when they were dating.

She shook her head. "No. We were pretty discreet."

"Hn," he grunted. "That was probably your fault." His dark eyes sparked mischievously. "I'm sure I would have done it, if you'd let me."

"You're probably right." She laughed.

"You don't mind it now?"

This time, she reached for him. "Of course not," she murmured before teasing his lips with her tongue. Heero grabbed her and kissed her more forcefully. They didn't stop until just before their ride reached the spaceport.

Heero smirked at Relena as the car came to a stop. "That romantic enough for you?"

Her shimmering eyes answered him before she did. "Yes," she whispered.

Heero paid the driver, who avoided making eye contact. Heero felt a little bad that the man had to endure the couple pawing at one another in his back seat, but the tiny twinge of guilt he felt vanished as soon as he looked back at Relena, who sported a bright pink flush on her cheeks and slightly mussed hair. It was alluring, knowing he'd had that effect on her. It only made him want to do it some more.

"I'm going to have a _very_ tough time piloting that shuttle."

Relena giggled behind her hand.

_Oops._ He realized he'd said that out loud. He was starting to slip up around her far too often. Relena, however, did not seem to mind. She slipped her hand into his as they headed to the rental booth.

"I think you're up for a challenge," she teased him over his predicament. "And if I've learned anything about you at all, Heero Yuy…"

She paused as Heero relayed the necessary information to the booth teller, and received the number for the shuttle they were renting. _Yes,_ he thought when he saw it was the same one he had yesterday. Must've been a slow week for shuttle rentals. It was the simple things like that that made Heero happy.

That, and having his girl back by his side, where she belonged. He smiled down at Relena as she continued her latest declaration to him.

"Yes…?" he prodded her.

"I've learned," she said slowly, "that you're up for any and everything." She kissed him on the cheek before they could enter their shuttle, lingering to plant a few more kisses along his jaw line.

"Uh… huh." His vision grew hazy.

"Also…" She trailed more kisses down his neck. He felt weak. Usually he was the one to do that to _her_… He had no idea that when she did it, it would feel so good.

"Yeah?" He waited for her to finish.

Relena smiled devilishly at him and tapped him on the chest.

"You're _really_ good at multitasking."

She broke away then, sashaying up the ramp leading into the shuttle. Heero was left gaping behind her. He didn't linger for long, however, rushing right after her.

Like he was going to let her get away with that.

**A/N:** You asked for more fluff, readers… Ask and ye shall receive! Behold, the longest, most-fluffiest chapter _ever_. Too much? Oh, well, you asked for it. :P Onward! We still have much more to accomplish. Thanks for reading and reviewing, as always!


	15. On the Turning Away

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**On the Turning Away**

_On the turning away  
From the pale and downtrodden  
And the words they say  
Which we won't understand  
Don't accept that what's happening  
Is just a case of others' suffering  
Or you'll find that you're joining in  
The turning away  
It's a sin that somehow  
Light is changing to shadow  
And casting its shroud  
Over all we have known  
Unaware how the ranks have grown  
Driven on by a heart of stone  
We could find that we're all alone  
In the dream of the proud  
On the wings of the night  
As the daytime is stirring  
Where the speechless unite  
In a silent accord  
Using words you will find are strange  
Mesmerized as they light the flame  
Feel the new wind of change  
On the wings of the night  
No more turning away  
From the weak and the weary  
No more turning away  
From the coldness inside  
Just a world that we all must share  
It's not enough just to stand and stare  
Is it only a dream that there'll be  
No more turning away_

_- Pink Floyd, _On the Turning Away

The shuttle was on autopilot. Heero Yuy kept one hand hovering near the controls, just in case. The other hand was holding onto Relena, who was sitting on his lap, doing her very best to distract him. And succeeding just fine.

"You enjoy making my job difficult, don't you?" he asked with a low chuckle.

"Last I checked," she murmured, kissing his neck softly, "you didn't have a job."

"That's right," he teased. "You fired me. So what am I supposed to do now?"

"You're still a Preventer, Heero Yuy. I assume that's what you'll keep doing." She paused, frowning slightly. "Unless… you had something else in mind?"

"Well…" Heero began slowly. "I'm currently on leave. And apparently, I have several weeks of accrued time off that's going to expire at the end of the fiscal year. Une sent me this long email about it. Anyway, between all the unused personal, vacation and sick time, I've got about five weeks of downtime. Looks like I won't get another assignment until at least July."

"Hmm." Relena's blue eyes glittered. "Vacation, huh?"

"Yeah." The corners of his mouth curved upward in a slight smile. "You wanna… go somewhere?"

"I could probably take off a week or two." She rested her head against his chest.

"Not a month?"

"I don't know. That's a lot of time, and I think it would really push ESUN's patience," Relena spoke softly. "Let's get through the rest of this week's conference, and reevaluate afterward."

Heero didn't like how frightened Relena seemed over the ESUN situation; he could feel her start to tremble. He knew she was much stronger than that— something wasn't right.

He looked into her eyes sternly. "They don't own you, you know. You're not a puppet. This isn't Romefeller anymore."

She nodded. "No, it isn't. And you're right— I'm not a puppet. Not at all." She stared straight ahead, resolutely, repeating quietly, "I'm _not _their puppet."

She was trying to convince herself, he realized. It reminded him of how he felt after the brutal training he'd endured to become a child soldier. Standing in front of the mirror, intoning over and over, "I'm not a robot. I'm not a weapon. I'm not a machine." It had been no use then— he'd still felt controlled.

He grasped Relena tightly to him.

"We'll get through this," he breathed. "You don't have to worry."

She shook her head, blond hair swishing. "I'm not worried."

_Yeah, right, _he thought. Having Relena afraid of her own job, a job she was not only good at, but was born to do… This couldn't be. Heero had to think of some way to make her feel secure again, even if he was no longer technically head of her security.

He was contemplating possible solutions with Relena nestled against him. Silence settled over them as each became lost in their own thoughts. Heero had vowed to always protect her— he could do that, whether he was on her payroll or not. He could pilot a mobile suit, he could take a bullet for her… but there were some enemies he didn't know how to protect her from. Enemies he could not see.

Just then, Heero's radar started to blip rapidly, as if the system was spiraling out of control.

_What?_ He thought frantically. _This can't be… _

Radar flashed a red alert at him. Something was approaching their vicinity— and fast. Impossibly fast.

Heero checked the shuttle's controls. Now, everything looked normal. He was confused— there was only a tiny blip on the radar, still fairly far away, but that could have been anything; another shuttle, perhaps, or an asteroid. Even the Aventinus or Zechs's ship— after all, the shuttle was approaching both.

"This doesn't make any sense," he murmured into Relena's hair.

"What?" She jerked her head off his chest to look up at him. "What is it?"

He shook his head, not knowing how to answer her. He knew he'd detected… something. But the radar he'd seen just now was far more advanced than the basic system installed in this shuttle. He checked it again, just in case. Normal.

"This…" he started to say. "This… This is…"

_Zero. _

Heero's eyes flashed.

Relena bolted upright.

"Heero?"

Her voice sounded far away to him.

"_Heeerooo!"_

There was a brilliant flash of white light, burning with the intensity of the sun, sparkling like billions of crystals imbedded in the finest grains of sand. It streaked right past their shuttle, disappearing as rapidly as it appeared.

Vanished.

Whatever it was had shot well past the shuttle's flight path, and yet only now could Heero see it clearly in his mind's eye.

Bright. White. Shining.

The only thing in space that could move with such speed and precision.

_It's… a Gundam. _

Fear gripped Heero. It _was_ a Gundam. It didn't matter how it got there, or who was piloting it. What mattered was that it had been aiming for them… and had missed. Perhaps more importantly, Heero had maneuvered the shuttle out of the Gundam's destructive course just in time. Not a feat a civilian pilot could have accomplished. The quickly calculated decision was not without consequence, however.

Relena had screamed because the maneuver had sent her flying.

Heero recovered from his daze, regaining his normal vision. He screamed out for her.

"Relena!"

She was hurt. He cursed himself and rushed over to her. She was awake but groaning, curled into fetal position, clutching her head.

"Heero…" she whispered, eyes squeezed shut in agony, wincing as he looked her over.

"Where did you hit?" he gasped, finding it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. Every second that ticked by was more crucial than the last.

The Gundam would be back; he could see it. Missing its target had not been part of the plan.

Relena and Heero were in the middle of space, in between two colonies, on their way to hook up with the Preventer's ship and Zechs's, neither of which had weapons or other defense mechanisms in place. They were in a time of disarmament. An era of peace.

No weapons. No chance of escape. No hope.

Heero had been in plenty of life-threatening scenarios in his young life. He'd cheated death countless times.

But that day, he realized his luck had finally run out. For the first time, he felt completely vulnerable. Exposed. There was no way he could save her. He could not protect her from the enemy he could not see.

But, then, he_ had _seen it. Zero had showed him. _But how? _

Heero wanted more time to ponder this, but Relena needed him. He cradled her carefully in his arms.

"Talk to me."

She moaned again.

"Relena."

She flinched. "My… shoulder," she finally answered his previous question. She lifted her right arm clumsily and gestured to her left. Heero said a silent prayer of thanks to whatever deity that might have been watching over them; she had not hit her head. If she had, she would not be with him still. The impact would have obliterated her skull.

"It's dislocated." He could tell without touching her. "Your whole arm is broken." Several bones; her elbow was crushed. "We'll fix that later," he promised. "For now you have to get up."

Relena just moaned again. He took that as her consent, picked her up gently and brought her back to her seat. He set her down carefully and secured her with the seatbelt.

"I'm getting us out of here," he said firmly. "Try to stay still."

She nodded weakly. Guilt crushed him as he looked at her. He hated himself for causing her pain, but he'd had no choice. He had to obey his instincts.

And his instincts told him to get the hell out of there.

"Wind." He called up Zechs's ship. "Do you copy? Pilot Zero-One here. Over."

Zechs answered immediately. "Copy. This is Wind. What is it, Yuy? Over." So cavalier.

"Did you see that?" Heero hissed. "Over."

"See what?"

Ok, so he hadn't seen it. Lucky him.

"Something blazed past us— fast. It was gunning for us."

Nothing for a beat. Then, "Are you sure? Over."

"Yeah. I had to get out of its way. Relena's… hurt."

"What?!" Zechs's voice screeched over the transmission feed. "Yuy!"

"I know." Heero lowered his head, wanting to smash it into something. "Zechs, I know. Just… help us."

"How? Where are you?"

Heero relayed their coordinates. "Right now we're closer to L2 than the Aventinus."

"We're close enough now. Dock and we'll meet you."

"Roger." Heero quickly rerouted the shuttle. It was the most logical plan. Except…

"What about the civilians?" he asked Zechs.

"What about them?"

"This… thing…" He couldn't bring himself to say "Gundam" out loud. Not yet. "If it's tailing us, we'll lead it straight to the colony."

"We'll deal with that when we get there. Right now, we don't have a whole lot of other options. Over."

"The asteroid," Heero remembered suddenly.

"Which one?"

"HYRP040795."

A beat passed. Then Zechs exclaimed, "Really, Yuy? Subtle."

"It's not mine— Duo named it. He's the one who commandeered the place."

"For what?"

"His workshop."

"I see. We'll be there as soon as we can. Sit tight until then. And take care of Relena. Over."

"I will. Over and out."

"Out."

Zechs ended the transmission.

"I will," Heero vowed again.

"_I will survive."_

The asteroid was a much better idea, he decided as he pushed the shuttle to its limits. The thrusters would be completely useless by the time he reached the base, but he didn't care; he would abandon the thing and donate it to Duo's scrap heap.

He alerted Duo of his impending arrival with a phone call.

"Yo, He-Man! What's shaking?"

"Where are you?" Heero demanded without preamble.

"At work!" Duo answered with his usual cheerfulness. "Where are you?"

"Coming to you. I need to borrow some of your toys."

It was clear that Duo knew exactly what Heero was talking about as the former Deathscythe pilot ceased his playful candor.

"Yeesh, Heero, Relena's not with you, is she? She'll kill me, pacifism be damned." Duo winced.

"Doesn't matter. We need it."

"_We_? So she _is_ with you, huh? Well, well. Guess you two patched things up after all. Kudos, my man."

"Now's not the time for this. Are you at the base or not?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Come on down."

"Good."

Heero hung up and contacted the Aventinus next.

"Pilot Zero-One. Aventinus, do you copy? Over."

The ship picked up his transmission. "Heero? Sally. We copy. Over."

"Tell Une change of plans. I have to redirect our flight temporarily. Over."

"Is everything all right?" Sally sounded worried over the line.

"No. Something was pursuing our shuttle. Possibly armed." He decided to be more direct with the Preventer. "Looks like a mobile suit."

"A mobile suit? You really think so?"

"Affirmative."

Heero wondered if the Preventers had any means for defending themselves, but from what he had seen the last time he was onboard their ship, he doubted it. But, then, they did have the Zero System…

"Put Une on," he demanded.

"Une is… otherwise engaged," Sally answered. "We're not supposed to interrupt her… research."

Heero knew exactly what she meant. For someone longing to relive the past, Zero could be a powerful drug. "Tell her it's urgent."

"She won't hear anyone, Heero. But I'll get her as soon as I can. What can we do in the meantime?"

"Come to this rendezvous point. Ready? Over."

"Ready."

Heero rattled off the coordinates. Sally did not seem to decode the meaning of the letters and numbers as quickly as Zechs did. If she did, she didn't say anything.

"On our way. Over and out."

That task done, Heero wondered about Quatre and Trowa back at the ESUN conference. What, if anything, they had found out about the PPP vaccine. And what could be going on in the underbelly of ESUN? Was someone after Relena? Were they the ones who sent the Gundam?

So many questions. Such little time to find the answers.

For now, Heero focused on getting Relena someplace safe, if there even was such a place at this point. He didn't know what his chances would be against that thing once he reached Duo's base; he only knew in that moment, in that shuttle, his chances were _nil_. That was why the only logical option was to flee— to put as much distance between _them_ and _it_ as he could, given the limitations of his primitive craft.

Heero had never been so terrified in his life. And he realized, as the shuttle neared the asteroid, that perhaps what he was most afraid of was himself. How he had managed to see the Gundam; how he felt like he was still connected to the Zero System somehow, despite the fact that he was piloting a craft that obviously had no such system installed. How it felt that, somehow, inexplicably, he and Zero were linked.

He knew it was true. Somehow, somewhere along the way, his mind had melded with Zero.

They were one.

If he closed his eyes for a split second, if he allowed himself to fully focus, he could see it all. Every battle tactic he had ever calculated and executed. Every code, every scrap of data he had ever memorized. Memories – suppressed, buried, forgotten – all rushed to the forefront of his mind. Reveries of the past; shadows of the future. All of his emotions, experiences, fears and hopes, frozen in time, making themselves plain, freeing themselves from the inner sanctum where he'd long concealed them as a single teardrop escaped his eye.

Zero wound around Heero's mind in a complex matrix of numbers, letters, symbols, wires. Imprisoning him, and at once setting him free.

He had no idea how to harness this new energy. This… power. All he could do in the moment was let it propel him forward.

Heero docked the shuttle and powered it down. He checked on Relena before doing anything else; she was looking about, bewildered. She hadn't spoken up as they made their descent onto the asteroid, but now she cast fearful eyes up at Heero.

"What is going on?" she whispered, her eyes searching his. The two locked gazes and held them for a full minute. Those light eyes of hers that reflected the brilliant blue of the earth, the way it looked from space, meeting the very depths of space in the caverns that were his eyes.

"I have a plan," he answered her simply.

He located two emergency space suits and helped her get into one, being extra vigilant with her broken arm. She gasped in pain despite his best efforts. He had broken hundreds, if not thousands of bones in his body over the years and knew that even with his elite training, it still hurt like hell. He not only empathized with her pain; he was acutely aware of it. He would have absorbed it for her, if he could have.

Heero zipped up his own space suit and retrieved a pair of helmets. He was about to place one on Relena's head when he stopped.

There was something about the way she was looking at him— vulnerable, fragile, dependent. How could she not look that way, given their situation? And yet there was something else there, too, and he saw it plain as day. Her strength and resolve, things he had always admired about her, sending him the message that she was pushing her fear aside, for him. It was her utter trust, her undying faith in him. Heero saw it – felt it – as Relena used her good arm to reach for his hand.

He clutched hers eagerly, despite the awkward, bulky gloves of their space suits.

She nodded to him to let him know she was ready. He leaned toward her, touching noses, keeping his eyes wide open, and brushed a light kiss against her lips before releasing her hand and placing the helmet on her head in a single, fluid motion.

"There." He secured his own helmet, then reached for her again. "Let's go."

They had to traipse across the asteroid in open space for a few minutes before reaching the base. Heero guided Relena carefully, always ultra-cautious in zero gravity. They came to a concrete block that appeared to be no more than a small shack with a steel door and keypad. Heero punched in the passcode and the door slid open. Once inside, they stepped into an elevator. Heero punched in yet another code to be taken to the basement level. Once they had made their descent, Heero led Relena inside a large room that was sparsely decorated with a beat-up couch and a couple of armchairs in a similarly disheveled state. There was also a metal desk that was blanketed in paperwork, blueprints, a laptop and miscellaneous tools. A giant flatscreen monitor hung on the concrete wall overlooking the desk.

Heero yanked off his helmet, shaking out his hair. "Duo?" He slipped Relena's helmet off as they waited.

"What is this place?" she murmured, her eyes scanning the room.

Heero didn't answer her, knowing she would soon find out. By now she would have laced it all together in her mind, anyway. Sure enough, seconds later, her brow furrowed. She whirled on Heero.

"Heero," she intoned calmly, repeating evenly, "What_ is_ this place?"

"Heero, my man!" Duo bellowed as he came striding in from an adjacent room. He stopped short when he saw Relena, breaking into a wide grin. "Well, well, my fair lady. Welcome to the man cave. I'd offer you some tea, but I'm afraid we have some business to attend to. But please, by all means, make yourself comfortable." He gestured toward the couch.

Heero, still holding onto Relena, carried her over and deposited her onto the furniture. She glared at him as he set her down.

"Explain this to me," she ordered, taking on her "Queen of the World" tone that strongly suggested she was not one to be trifled with.

"It's on Duo," Heero shrugged, betraying his friend. "Ask him. This is his base."

Duo shot him a mockingly pained expression. "Ouch, was that your knife? What ever happened to bros before h—"

"I dare you to finish that," Relena warned.

"All right, all right." Duo scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish. "You caught me. So now what? Do I get a slap on the wrist, or in this a punishable offense?"

Relena looked from Heero to Duo, exasperated. She chose Heero first. "You knew about this? And you didn't tell me?"

Heero knelt down beside her. "This is something that started years ago. At first, Duo was just following orders."

"From who? I never authorized this." Relena whipped her head back toward Duo. "As I'm sure you recall, I personally toured every former mobile suit factory and saw that they were shut down. And if they failed to comply with ESUN's disarmament policy, there were consequences." She looked back at Heero incredulously. "So what _is_ all of this?"

"Preventer asked Duo to create a walking Wing Zero from spare parts." The story slowly made its way out. "It didn't fly or have any weapons. For a while, that's all there was."

"Came in handy, too, when we had to scare off terrorists," Duo piped up. "It looked and moved just like the real thing. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself." He flashed Relena an impish grin.

She did not look amused. "Then what?" she clipped.

"Well, ah, one thing led to another…"

"_Duo."_ Her tone admonished him.

He winced, turning his face away. "I'm sorry, Relena! It's just… I don't know, I had all this scrap metal, really _good_ stuff left over from old mobile suits, and all these tools and time on my hands, and the scrap shop was doing well, and the Preventer assignments paid pretty well, too, and…"

"And?" Relena asked coolly, quirking a single groomed brow.

"And… I was bored!" Duo wailed. "I'm all alone out here while everyone else is running around doing cool stuff, Trowa with the circus, Quatre with his business, Wufei and the Preventers, you and Heero…"

Relena frowned, biting her lower lip. "What about Hilde?"

Duo hung his head. "Hilde left… a while ago. She said I needed to grow up."

Heero didn't know that. The last he'd spoken to Duo, the former "Pilot 02" had indicated that he and Hilde were very much together; bragged of his bedroom prowess, even. It had all been a front.

"You never stayed with him?" Relena turned back to Heero.

"I did, for a while, before I came back to earth," he answered. "That was when I saw all this. So I knew about it, yeah. Didn't think it was a big deal, though."

Relena's expression hardened once more. "You didn't think it was something I might need to know about it? This puts me in a very awkward position."

"There was nothing to tell you," Heero said in a measured tone. "He's not developing weapons."

"They're just upgrades!" Duo exclaimed. "And why would I fight anyone, anyway? _Who _would I fight?"

"That's not the point, and you know it," Relena answered sadly. "The problem is with their very existence. An abandonment of arms is supposed to be just that— a complete turning away. You were all more than willing to do that, years ago." Her eyes held a far away expression even as she gazed steadily at Duo, those sky blue orbs brimming with tears. Her voice softened. "As nations laid down their arms, lifted their borders – as you _willingly_ destroyed your Gundams – it was more than just some symbolic gesture. It was a step toward a new era. Toward _permanent_ peace."

She titled her face toward Heero's. "But if we allow these weapons to exist – if we go back to the way things were – there can be no lasting peace. As long as there are weapons, people will rise up and fight again."

"People will always fight." Heero tipped Relena's chin up with his index finger. "You know that. We've talked about this. The will to fight exists, weapons or no. It's human nature. We've been working to protect that peace all this time so that no one – none of us – ever has to fight again. But even so," he continued, his dark eyes burning like two hot coals, "we _fought_ to attain this peace in the first place. We continue to fight, in various ways. I fight every day. I've never really stopped."

"Heero." Relena's breath caught in her throat. "I don't want you to go out there. You shouldn't have to do this. You _don't_ have to do this."

She had sensed where this was headed; what they were doing there. Once again, as in the not too distant past, it had come to that.

"I have to," he said gently. "I have to protect you."

His fingers curled around her neck, intertwining in her silken tresses.

"I have you to fight for."

Relena's tears spilled onto her cheeks. "Don't fight for me. _Stay_ with me."

Heero pulled his hand back, his fingers threading through her hair as he let go. He gave her a warm, sincere smile before his face turned back to stone. He rose to his feet.

Relena's good hand reached for him, grasping for his hand as he walked toward Duo.

"Please. Don't go."

He turned around to look at her once more over his shoulder, his eyes only briefly belaying his inner torment.

"Relena…"

She gazed at him hopefully, her lips once again forming his name, in such a hushed, reverent tone that it sounded, to him, like a vow.

"_Heero."_

She had to understand him, he thought. She had to know what he had to protect. What he stood to lose.

"I'll come back to you."

He turned away from her, for what he hoped would be the very last time.


End file.
